She and She

It was one lazy day and they sat on the sofa. It's just been only two months since they've last seen each other.

Words came out with subtlety, it was obvious that she was trying to hold back her feelings. She was trying to casually talk about how she was having a hard time taking care of her two boys. She was saying it like it was the usual nonchalant matters about men. But she was not able to sustain it, her tears betrayed her as she said those words: "I had nobody to talk to."

She looked her and she wished she could just naturally give her a hug for support. But they have not been raised up to be affectionate with them eversince. Embrace is equivalent to awkwardness. So she froze and could only look at her. Words from her childhood echoed in her mind: "As soon as you finish school and have a job, by all means, you can freely leave this house..", words said in anger and frustration, words said with conviction. A little voice from her childhood whispered to her mind to remind her those words, because as she grew up, she was convinced that she meant every single one of those words. But looking at her sad eyes and the lines of tiredness on her face, she knew that bringing up the past is no longer necessary, and that she didn't need her to say she's sorry out loud. The blood flowing in their veins have their own language to say unspoken words. She needed her help, and in her mind she got up and gave her that hug she never had.

Melaka Escapade!

Spent the day at the historical place of Malacca (Melaka), Malaysia (3 hour drive from Singapore).
Had a fun time with old and new friends.
Another day to keep in mind to be thankful of the beauty of laughter and friendship.

Photocredits to Aoisoba, Day-oh-bee and Mr. Yotsuya

Coffee fairy turned 20!

ok, ok, not really 20 but 20 plus 7, ahihihi (^,^)
Just that twenty-seven doesn't rhyme with fairy but twenty does, hehe.

So the coffee has been brewed another year. This year though is quite different, because this year has been a great, great year -- many lessons learned, many discovered things, many new friends, many blessings...indeed another turning point in my life, to which I am very thankful to God for.

The morning of my birthday I processed my Permanent Residency formalites. Yup, I am no longer under employment pass in Singapore but now an official permanent resident. Though it makes me technically not an Overseas Filipino Worker anymore, it does not make me feel any less Filipino. My cellphone's battery went off before I finished processing. I felt so uneasy, I felt that people must be trying to reach me at that time but could not because my phone was off. However, as I ate my lunch, I started to feel that I actually felt that being "unreachable" at that moment gave me time to be just with myself and to reflect on my life. And it felt good because I realized how much I feel so special for being loved by my family and friends. I realized how much I love and treasure my family and friends. I realized how much I appreciate my life right now, and that I should actually be thankful for what I have and not what I lack.

My family and friends will always be my pillars of strength, my source of inspiration and I thank them so much from the bottom of my caffeinated heart:

To my sweet housemates who surprised me with a yummy mango birthday cake the night before my birthday. To Sister porky and Kuya Porky who have sent me a personalized birthday card plus a catalog of In and Out Burger (my favorite burger resto in California!).To my Mama and Papa (my parents), who sent me touching birthday cards (one sent to my home, the other sent to my office). To my godparents, Tito Michael and Tita Baby, for the cute birthday card and bouquet of flowers with a cute teddy bear delivered to me in my office; To my FFs (forever friends yan ha, hehe) who were with me for a birthday coffee and chat: Chuvanescence, my "fantastic friend" (o ha, parang marvel superhero) for wearing his special green t-shirt just for my birthday (hehe); Cosmo Chick, my "fashonista friend", for the birthday gift and handmade birthday card from her pretty daughter Margaux; to Maia, my "faithful friend", for the sexy birthday gift (yihee); Aoisoba , my "frisky friend"(naiisip ko kasi pag frisky e pusa, tapos naisip ko love mo cats...ayan nahanapan ko ng connect, haha), for the creative gift (framed messages from our ex-colleague friends in the Philippines) and the purple authentic Indian blouse; Omaritosan, my "fitness friend", who's really so sweet and made his yahoo messenger contacts leave me offline birthday messages, plus sent me a very nice birthday cake at my office; to everyone who has made my day so special by the emails, offline messages and SMS greetings you've sent.

Thank you to everyone who has made my day so special. I am really touched by how you have gone out of your way to make my birthday a memorable one and how much you really know what would make me happy. I love you very much and I thank God for having you in my life.

Two cents worth

Question: Do you (as a family or friend) have the right to say who is worthy for someone close to you?

I do think I am objective when I say I am not a judgemental person. I give second chances (or more) to people because I know first impressions are not usually encouraging. More often than not, a person we initially thought we cannot be more than acquaintances with can actually turn out to be a good friend. That's why I don't just judge a person and just say this person is not worth it without having any material basis. I have learned that when we truly love someone, we love so much even to the point that we still try to see the good in that person even if the person has wronged us big time. However, I have also learned (unfortunately, the hard way) that:

There is a thin line between martyrdom and stupidity.

There is a thin line between selflessness and putting yourself down to the pits.

Martyrdom and selflessness have a good cause behind them and will be benefitting the world, stupidity and putting yourself down to the pits is pretending you have no other better choice so you hold on to the broken pieces of an egg shell in the hope of putting it all back together. But even children can tell you that "All the king's horses and all the king's men could not put humpty dumpty together again."

Of course I agree that no two persons are the same, and not all love stories are the same, nor even fairytales, but I also do believe that there is an obvious indication that a person is not worthy of you: when that person brings out the worst in you rather than bring out the best in you. A person who brings out the worst in you does not love you.

I don't really believe that love is like a "you and me against the world" drama. Because unless you don't care about your family and friends, and they are people who you think don't want the best for you, or who you think are just purely the contrabidas in a telenovela who wants to make your life miserable, I'm sure that you will always wish that the one that you love not only have won your heart but your family and friends as well.

Yes, I may not be the best person to be saying all these, having been into three failed relationships myself and suffering from the bitterness they have caused up to now. But then again, I do feel I have the right to give my two cents on this, because I have been through the pits and I know how it feels to be deceived, to be made a big joke and to be treated like shit. I have learned when over is over (and that is when you have exerted your best and yet you still don't understand why he still won't love you back like he used to). I am just thankful I was able to let go before it got any worse, at least I woke up before it was too late. I survived and so now I live with still a sane mind to tell about it and save people from going through the same thing.

My intention is always for the happiness of the people close to my heart. I do not want them to suffer. So I hope and pray that the true love from the heart prevails, not disillusions of a tricked mind.

Singapore Biennale 2006

I am poor in visual arts, moreso, modern visual arts.

(Ah, this exhibit is so red...oh this is like Dr. Jekyll's laboratory..--> plangak! =P )

Although I've enjoyed going to museums and art exhibits when I was a child for our school fieldtrips, I wouldn't think about going to museums if I were alone (although people seem like they would liketo strangle me when I tell them I did not go to a single museum during my stay in Paris,nor did I go inside Met museum in New York, or any museum in California, Houston or when I was in Dublin, Ireland.) So my motivation to go to the Singapore Biennale Art festival 2006 was not the festival itself but because of my dear, dear friend Aoisoba's invitation, and combine her with Chuvanescence and for sure it would be a "scandalously" fun time. Plus for a bonus, Diovie was with us to make it the merrier.

I was almost speechless as we toured the exhibits inside the Cityhall. No, it was not because I was taken away by how much I loved the exhibits, rather, I was trying to keep my mouth shut so I would not utter my duh comments (I was too afraid that Aoisoba might lock me up in one of the chambers, ahehehe). I did try to appreciate those arts but really, I was either too shallow to be appreciative or the exhibits were really uhmm..no comment (there was one MTV-type interpretation that I bet my facial expression from my reaction would be good enough to be featured in a tv show like though I was in a practical joke). In fairness though,there were two exhibits that did interest me: one was a documentary short film on interviews on some ordinary people on the difference of Muslim countries and Western countries and what they think would be the last thoughts of a suicide bomber. Then the other exhibit was another documentary short film on the last meal of a death convict, the chef who prepared the last meals of death convicts in a US prison was interviewed. Something which made it more interesting was that the room that featured this exhibit was across another exhibit of a painting by an artist of Jesus' last supper with the disciples. I'm not sure if it was intentional, I suppose it is.

All in all, as I have expected, I had a lot of fun with my good friends' company. We were like tourists in Singapore for a day --just spontaneous and indifferent even if people might think we're "crazy tourists, lah". It was indeed a fabulous day of laughter. Now we're not just mushrooms anymore, we're now "cultured" mushrooms! Bow!

Bathtub thoughts

Candles lighted - one, two, three...

Warm water fills in...

She steps in slowly

Skin soaked in, she breathes

Gray clouds gather in her thoughts

Creeping between black and white

When will the labyrinth end?

She descends in slowly

Hair dipping in, eyes closed

And the cycle continues...