Today's Lesson

~You have to walk into the desert to see the oasis.~

And that sometimes, you just have to step in to that door to find what you're looking for, because the outside doesn't speak for what's inside.

***

It was quite amusing what I have discovered and realized today. I don't know yet if what was shown to me today would be the one that's meant for me, but if not, then I am just glad that I gained something out of experiencing this from a good way. Atleast there's now a spark of light in the dark tunnel.

A Plea

Dearest Lord,

Please take away all the bitterness, angst and fear in my heart.
Please fill it up instead with hope, trust and peace.
May any doubts and regrets I have be erased.
May faith and strength instead be placed.
Please hold me to stop my restlessness,
Because I am very cold and scared.

Kiss The Cook

There is always a bright side to everything as they say and one of the good thing about being jobless is I get to cook for my hubby. Cooking is one of the things I love to do but which I have been rarely doing since it is quite convenient and cheap to eat out in Singapore (Did you know that I actually wanted to be a chef when I was young?) plus having a husband who cooks really, really well (cooking is his passion), I tend to just leave the cooking to him. But now's the opportunity for me to rekindle my cooking skills. I just love it when hubby gets home with a home cooked meal waiting for him and that look when he eats is very dear and worth all the effort. So far I have been cooking mostly Filipino dishes for him although I did have a try on some Western dishes. Here's some dishes that I have cooked for him:

• Fried Marinated chicken breast with pasta in pesto and mustard sauce
• Fetuccini mushroom carbonara (oh yeah baby ;)
• Pork topping in oyster sauce
• Squid Adobo (hubby's all time favorite)
• Long beans adobo (in Tagalog, Adobong sitaw)
• Menudo (ground pork in soy sauce with carrots, potatoes and raisins)

Haha, I know, it's not a lot. But this does not include those easy to cook things like fried eggs, bacon and canned goods. I am thinking of more dishes to cook, maybe I could even try some of the more complicated Filipino dishes like Kare-kare and embutido. Here's a few that I think I'd do next:

• Sinigang na Hipon
• Pork adobo
• Paksiw na isda
• Pinakbet Tagalog
• Tinolang manok
• Nilagang baka
• Sayote guisado (if i do find a sayote here)
• Pininyahang manok
• Tortang talong
• Munggo guisado
• Okoy

Any suggestions are also welcome :) I did not put the English translations on the above because hubby might be reading this and I don't want to spoil the surprise (Sweetie, if you're reading this, you are not allowed to ask your Pinoy friends for translation, ok? :P

Bloody rejected

The title of this entry is supposed to be "My first blood donation" but then after filling out a very comprehensive form and passing the medical screening, it was discovered that I am a mutant.

Waaah! The nurse could not see my veins on top of my elbows in both of my arms and she said my veins were too close to my bones and it would hurt. She advised me to do some weightlifting to help make my veins surface out.

Well, I shouldn't be that surprised, given that last year and 5 years ago, in different clinics, both nurses also couldn't find my vein and they ended up taking my blood sample from the back of my hand.

I asked the nurse in the blood donation to just get it from the back of my hand. She wouldn't hear of it. I guess it's because it would really hurt and would bruise. My hubby said they injected aneasthetics on his vein before pricking him with the big needle for getting 450ml of blood.

Sigh, so much for my attempt to do a noble deed. I feel so abnormal. But hubby said I should still feel good, because if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have thought of donating blood. He said he'll be donating for the two of us. Awwwww.

To Lighten Up Things

I'm highlighting two sequel movies I've watched lately which I didn't expect that I'd like but surprisingly I enjoyed watching them:

Iron Man 2

I was not expecting much on this movie since I did not at all like Iron Man 1 (it felt like the Iron Man 1 was pointless, the plot could've been squeezed into a half an hour scene). But like it was meant to be for me to watch this, I won two tickets to an advanced screening with free popcorn and drinks! (Thank you, Starhub!)

The movie was super cool! I loved the screenplay and the effects. The actors did great! My only regret is that we got out of the cinema without finishing the credits so we missed the hidden scene. I don't like it when they do that, especially when the credits are too long, we actually waited for a few minutes because we felt there might be somemore scene but we left when the credits seemed to take eternity to finish and the cinema lights were all switched on.

Ip Man 2
I also wasn't expecting much about this movie since I didn't watch Ip Man 1 and I thought I might not be able to understand this sequel. I also thought that this movie might be full of martial arts fight scenes which I don't really fancy watching so I was prepared to sit in the cinema and get bored. Although there was a little bit of curiosity inside me about this, because when Ip Man 1 was shown before, I actually thought it was a movie about internet technology, because I read it as I-P Man (I.P. as in internet protocol). I thought it was something about a man who did something about hacking IP addresses, hehe. Ok, I'm such a geek! :P

Anyway, I guess the trailer just misled me, because the movie had a very good plot about respect and dignity and not at all just a 100 minute exhibition of martial arts. Ip Man was actually a true story about Ip Man, a martial arts teacher and the master and inspiration of Bruce Lee.

Thanks to my hubby for making me watch this. It was a great discovery for me :)

Enough! Just Run Away!

I have had enough sulking! I am not going to let things put me down.
I believe in standing up for your principles even if it does hurt when it is shoved upon your face. I am an upholder of justice and I shall not lose hope. I will focus on the blessings instead.

And I will just run this away. No, I don't mean running away from problems and challenges. What I mean is to run, literally, as in run your legs and have a work out. It's a good stress reliever and a great way to lose excess weight.

Tomorrow shall be a better day.

How Long Would You Stand for your Principles?

Lately, I have been taking stands with regards to my principles. I had been standing firm with what I believe in.

It has not been easy. Especially if it is not bringing you to what you expected to be and worse, it just makes you look so desperate.

Am I expecting too much? Am I just putting myself high up there? Should I just stoop down and compromise what I believe in? Should I just set my expectations low?

I really don't know what's happening right now. I am confused. This is quite a test of patience and faith indeed.

But I should hold on and keep believing that there is a great plan for me.

But Wait, There's More!

Just when I thought that from bad to worse is enough, fate has decided to play a big joke on me and turned things to the worst.

Un-be-lie-vable.

Injustice is served.

Could things get even worse?

Oh Yes.

Fate seemed to have decided to test me even more, maybe read my post yesterday and decided to crash my remaining self-esteem altogether.

Why can't I get used to this? Why?

I feel so disheartened right now although I have this strange feeling that this is another one of those chapters in life that something is to be learned and afterwards it will bear fruits. But for now I have to be strong and resist being overcome by this shadow of gloom.

I should not think too much. I should not complicate life.

I should just be humble and accept things as they are.

Maybe this stepping down could actually be the start of moving up from the middle of a dead end plateau where I had been feeling that I've been stuck at.

I Ask Too Much

Have you ever wished for something but when you got it you were not overjoyed?

It was like finding the last piece to complete the puzzle but when you looked at the puzzle, the picture didn't make sense?

It isn't what I expected it to be. I feel that I just have no choice. I don't have that feeling that it is meant for me. I feel demoted, I am back to square one. I am already predicting all the possible miseries that could happen.

Why I am being like this? I should be thankful to God that He granted me this. It is a blessing. Perhaps the turn of events will eventually make things the way I hoped it would be. Perhaps I should just not expect too much. I should just be content with what was given to me. I should be happy.

Swallowing the Humble Pill for the Bullies

Do you get that feeling that you wished you could've spoken back to someone who has given you a judgemental remark or someone who has accused you of something you didn't do or someone said something to provoke you but the situations were just so trivial that you just shrugged off and ignore it?

For example, today at the mall, a salesperson blocked off my path to offer a beauty product and when I waved my hand off to say no and I continued walking, he just shouted after me "Are you taking care of yourself? I don't think you are." I just continued to walk away but for a split second I thought of walking back to him to tell him he definitely wouldn't get any customers if that's how he sells his products.

Most of the time, I avoid confrontation as much as possible so I just shrug it off. But sometimes I wonder if I should talk back, because I shouldn't let these kind of people get encouraged with their bullying. Besides, if they could hurt my feelings and ego, why can't I give the same back to them, right?

But then again, I always remind myself that if I did talk back to them to crash their ego, then I would not be any better than them and I would just be stooping down to their level of immaturity. So yes, most of the time I just take the humble pill and keep my mouth shut. However, I do believe there should be a balance, especially in times when you are being accused unjustifiably. Like this time in the cinema when this teenager sitting in front of me turned around to tell me to stop kicking on her seat. Well, I got ticked because I wasn't kicking her seat, I was shifting my legs so I had to answer back that I wasn't kicking her seat. These kids should learn how to considerate and be polite when confronting people!

So ok, balance. That's the formula. I hope I'd be able to have the wisdom to assert myself in a mature way in dealing with these little bullies which are big enough to ruin your day.