What A Week!

My dormant, predictable, routinary life suddenly shooted into a very much active, spontaneous mode last week. With starting a new job, hearing the news of the death of a loved one, a visit to the hospital to see another loved one who underwent a major surgery, confirming some news that I know I'd be envious of, flying to the Philippines over the weekend and seeing people I miss and confronting those I wish I could avoid, I could only think of one word to best describe all of these - overwhelming.

There was a great degree of play of emotions from happy to sad, scared to confident, angry to calm, notwithstanding the mental as well as physical impacts. But thankfully, I didn't get rattled and evenmore, it was the positive emotion that dominated.

This week, I am hoping that it would be more manageable and I'd be able to get adjusted to my new non-dormant routine. It is both exciting and challenging, I hope I'd get the hang of it.

I think I would. ;)

For Lola

Blessed be your soul

As you join the angels in heaven.

Thank you for all the love and care,

For all the memories we share.

I will remember you for your warm embrace,

I will remember you for how you kissed us with your face.

Your smile and your stories will forever be our grace.

Break-In

Today I wore my new high-heeled shoes and much as I hoped that this pair of shoes would not give me blisters on my feet, unfortunately, as like most of that type of shoe I've bought, it did.

But it did not matter, because I wore it this morning when I went out to sign an offer of employment. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, by next week I will start my new job. Yipee! :) (*dance of joy*)

That pair of shoes was actually something I bought for a job that I thought was for me last month but which I rejected because of a lot of bad surprises and ultimately an unacceptable contract clause which I believe was already bordering illegal. Clearly it wasn't meant for me because I was meant to have what I have prayed for.

Everything makes sense now, all that effort and waiting...it was all worth it. What I'm feeling right now is exactly how I imagined I'd feel -- like finding the key which would give way to opening more happiness in fulfilling more dreams. God has again shown me how things which are meant for me would happen at the right time. His way always amazes me, I can never guess how He would answer my prayers, but He does, just not in the way I thought I'd have it. I really have to remind myself that faith is about believing without asking how and when.

Thank You, Lord. I am so blessed. :)

My First Baking Adventure

I've always wanted to learn baking but I never got the chance to learn it at home when I was growing up. I don't even have a memory of my mother baking something. We had an electric stove with oven but which we stopped using since I was about seven years old I think. I clearly remember my mother telling us that it was shorted and she got electrecuted while using it. And that was the start of my subconscious fear of electric stoves and ovens. We never bought a new oven. But I've always been looking at baking stuff eversince, subconsciously longing to try to bake as well. I remember being excited during my teens when I saw an ad on TV about a chocolate cake that doesn't need baking but just needed to cool in the refrigerator. I wanted that. But well, I never got to try it because it never makes it to our grocery list.

Anyhow...today is the day I finally hugged baking hello :)

Ok, the blueberry muffins I baked were from an instant mix but still I am very proud of my achievement. It's the way to start, isn't it? It was so fun and relaxing to see the muffins puff out of the baking tray. And I really didn't expect that it was going to be this easy. I thought the challenge was to take out the muffins from the tray without crushing them (I didn't use paper baking cups) but surprise surprise, the muffins came out of the tray without almost an effort to pull them out. I am so happy with my non-stick baking tray, very good quality indeed, I didn't even have to put butter.

Or maybe because I had a good brand of batter mix? Thank you, Betty Crocker for making my first baking experience a success! :) The recipe and instructions were so easy to follow. The only challenge I had was to convert farenheit to celcius and to wipe off the blueberry extract on the sink (careful on the blueberries, they stain!) The tips on using low cholesterol, low fat ingredients were great. I used soy milk instead of normal milk and I used olive oil instead of a normal vegetable oil. Although I did a little tweak for my second batch of muffins because I noticed that the first batch were a bit toasted from the suggested temperature and duration.

first set, baked in 20 minutes at 200 degrees celcius

second set, baked in 16 minutes at 190 degrees celcius

Ahhh, I am so inspired that my next goal is to bake from scratch. Let's see if I could actually make my own batter. Perhaps I'm a natural baker? Hehehe ;p

I'm a Thunder Lizard!

Hear ye! Hear ye!

I just broke my record! Woohoo!

I discovered Dynomite eight years ago during my programmer days when I needed some form of amusement as I ate my packed lunch on my office desk. Then I forgot about it as I lived more of the real life instead of the virtual. Now that I have lots of time, it is great to rediscover it again. But I have to warn you that this is quite addictive so unless you have a strong self control and actually have spare time, do not try this! Hehehe.

Thank you Yahoo Games for this wonderful game which keeps me company and helps me pass time on these bumming days. My hubby is also now addicted to this game (uh-oh).

P.S. Don't tell me I didn't warn you that this is addictive. Seriously. Hehehe. ;p

Happy egg-smashing!

Chokos!

In my quest to cook tinola for my hubby, I tried to find the essential ingredient which is a green papaya or a sayote (chayote). I've observed that both are not commonly found in groceries and markets here in Singapore. In the first big grocery we went to, the best I could find was a ripe papaya. Then I went to a grocery near our place, hoping to find any of them. I found a green papaya alright (imported from the Philippines), but I had a feeling it is already ripe even if it is green outside. I was ready to get it anyway and I was also planning on getting an old cucumber as a supplement until finally, after a gazillion times of walking round and round the vegetable area, I found the sayote! And they're not called sayote here but chokos! Hehehe.

So there, ladies and gentlemen, I have successfully cooked tinolang manok (chicken tinola) which my hubby rated 10 out of 10. Yay! :)

Today's Lesson

~You have to walk into the desert to see the oasis.~

And that sometimes, you just have to step in to that door to find what you're looking for, because the outside doesn't speak for what's inside.

***

It was quite amusing what I have discovered and realized today. I don't know yet if what was shown to me today would be the one that's meant for me, but if not, then I am just glad that I gained something out of experiencing this from a good way. Atleast there's now a spark of light in the dark tunnel.

A Plea

Dearest Lord,

Please take away all the bitterness, angst and fear in my heart.
Please fill it up instead with hope, trust and peace.
May any doubts and regrets I have be erased.
May faith and strength instead be placed.
Please hold me to stop my restlessness,
Because I am very cold and scared.

Kiss The Cook

There is always a bright side to everything as they say and one of the good thing about being jobless is I get to cook for my hubby. Cooking is one of the things I love to do but which I have been rarely doing since it is quite convenient and cheap to eat out in Singapore (Did you know that I actually wanted to be a chef when I was young?) plus having a husband who cooks really, really well (cooking is his passion), I tend to just leave the cooking to him. But now's the opportunity for me to rekindle my cooking skills. I just love it when hubby gets home with a home cooked meal waiting for him and that look when he eats is very dear and worth all the effort. So far I have been cooking mostly Filipino dishes for him although I did have a try on some Western dishes. Here's some dishes that I have cooked for him:

• Fried Marinated chicken breast with pasta in pesto and mustard sauce
• Fetuccini mushroom carbonara (oh yeah baby ;)
• Pork topping in oyster sauce
• Squid Adobo (hubby's all time favorite)
• Long beans adobo (in Tagalog, Adobong sitaw)
• Menudo (ground pork in soy sauce with carrots, potatoes and raisins)

Haha, I know, it's not a lot. But this does not include those easy to cook things like fried eggs, bacon and canned goods. I am thinking of more dishes to cook, maybe I could even try some of the more complicated Filipino dishes like Kare-kare and embutido. Here's a few that I think I'd do next:

• Sinigang na Hipon
• Pork adobo
• Paksiw na isda
• Pinakbet Tagalog
• Tinolang manok
• Nilagang baka
• Sayote guisado (if i do find a sayote here)
• Pininyahang manok
• Tortang talong
• Munggo guisado
• Okoy

Any suggestions are also welcome :) I did not put the English translations on the above because hubby might be reading this and I don't want to spoil the surprise (Sweetie, if you're reading this, you are not allowed to ask your Pinoy friends for translation, ok? :P

Bloody rejected

The title of this entry is supposed to be "My first blood donation" but then after filling out a very comprehensive form and passing the medical screening, it was discovered that I am a mutant.

Waaah! The nurse could not see my veins on top of my elbows in both of my arms and she said my veins were too close to my bones and it would hurt. She advised me to do some weightlifting to help make my veins surface out.

Well, I shouldn't be that surprised, given that last year and 5 years ago, in different clinics, both nurses also couldn't find my vein and they ended up taking my blood sample from the back of my hand.

I asked the nurse in the blood donation to just get it from the back of my hand. She wouldn't hear of it. I guess it's because it would really hurt and would bruise. My hubby said they injected aneasthetics on his vein before pricking him with the big needle for getting 450ml of blood.

Sigh, so much for my attempt to do a noble deed. I feel so abnormal. But hubby said I should still feel good, because if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have thought of donating blood. He said he'll be donating for the two of us. Awwwww.

To Lighten Up Things

I'm highlighting two sequel movies I've watched lately which I didn't expect that I'd like but surprisingly I enjoyed watching them:

Iron Man 2

I was not expecting much on this movie since I did not at all like Iron Man 1 (it felt like the Iron Man 1 was pointless, the plot could've been squeezed into a half an hour scene). But like it was meant to be for me to watch this, I won two tickets to an advanced screening with free popcorn and drinks! (Thank you, Starhub!)

The movie was super cool! I loved the screenplay and the effects. The actors did great! My only regret is that we got out of the cinema without finishing the credits so we missed the hidden scene. I don't like it when they do that, especially when the credits are too long, we actually waited for a few minutes because we felt there might be somemore scene but we left when the credits seemed to take eternity to finish and the cinema lights were all switched on.

Ip Man 2
I also wasn't expecting much about this movie since I didn't watch Ip Man 1 and I thought I might not be able to understand this sequel. I also thought that this movie might be full of martial arts fight scenes which I don't really fancy watching so I was prepared to sit in the cinema and get bored. Although there was a little bit of curiosity inside me about this, because when Ip Man 1 was shown before, I actually thought it was a movie about internet technology, because I read it as I-P Man (I.P. as in internet protocol). I thought it was something about a man who did something about hacking IP addresses, hehe. Ok, I'm such a geek! :P

Anyway, I guess the trailer just misled me, because the movie had a very good plot about respect and dignity and not at all just a 100 minute exhibition of martial arts. Ip Man was actually a true story about Ip Man, a martial arts teacher and the master and inspiration of Bruce Lee.

Thanks to my hubby for making me watch this. It was a great discovery for me :)

Enough! Just Run Away!

I have had enough sulking! I am not going to let things put me down.
I believe in standing up for your principles even if it does hurt when it is shoved upon your face. I am an upholder of justice and I shall not lose hope. I will focus on the blessings instead.

And I will just run this away. No, I don't mean running away from problems and challenges. What I mean is to run, literally, as in run your legs and have a work out. It's a good stress reliever and a great way to lose excess weight.

Tomorrow shall be a better day.

How Long Would You Stand for your Principles?

Lately, I have been taking stands with regards to my principles. I had been standing firm with what I believe in.

It has not been easy. Especially if it is not bringing you to what you expected to be and worse, it just makes you look so desperate.

Am I expecting too much? Am I just putting myself high up there? Should I just stoop down and compromise what I believe in? Should I just set my expectations low?

I really don't know what's happening right now. I am confused. This is quite a test of patience and faith indeed.

But I should hold on and keep believing that there is a great plan for me.

But Wait, There's More!

Just when I thought that from bad to worse is enough, fate has decided to play a big joke on me and turned things to the worst.

Un-be-lie-vable.

Injustice is served.

Could things get even worse?

Oh Yes.

Fate seemed to have decided to test me even more, maybe read my post yesterday and decided to crash my remaining self-esteem altogether.

Why can't I get used to this? Why?

I feel so disheartened right now although I have this strange feeling that this is another one of those chapters in life that something is to be learned and afterwards it will bear fruits. But for now I have to be strong and resist being overcome by this shadow of gloom.

I should not think too much. I should not complicate life.

I should just be humble and accept things as they are.

Maybe this stepping down could actually be the start of moving up from the middle of a dead end plateau where I had been feeling that I've been stuck at.

I Ask Too Much

Have you ever wished for something but when you got it you were not overjoyed?

It was like finding the last piece to complete the puzzle but when you looked at the puzzle, the picture didn't make sense?

It isn't what I expected it to be. I feel that I just have no choice. I don't have that feeling that it is meant for me. I feel demoted, I am back to square one. I am already predicting all the possible miseries that could happen.

Why I am being like this? I should be thankful to God that He granted me this. It is a blessing. Perhaps the turn of events will eventually make things the way I hoped it would be. Perhaps I should just not expect too much. I should just be content with what was given to me. I should be happy.

Swallowing the Humble Pill for the Bullies

Do you get that feeling that you wished you could've spoken back to someone who has given you a judgemental remark or someone who has accused you of something you didn't do or someone said something to provoke you but the situations were just so trivial that you just shrugged off and ignore it?

For example, today at the mall, a salesperson blocked off my path to offer a beauty product and when I waved my hand off to say no and I continued walking, he just shouted after me "Are you taking care of yourself? I don't think you are." I just continued to walk away but for a split second I thought of walking back to him to tell him he definitely wouldn't get any customers if that's how he sells his products.

Most of the time, I avoid confrontation as much as possible so I just shrug it off. But sometimes I wonder if I should talk back, because I shouldn't let these kind of people get encouraged with their bullying. Besides, if they could hurt my feelings and ego, why can't I give the same back to them, right?

But then again, I always remind myself that if I did talk back to them to crash their ego, then I would not be any better than them and I would just be stooping down to their level of immaturity. So yes, most of the time I just take the humble pill and keep my mouth shut. However, I do believe there should be a balance, especially in times when you are being accused unjustifiably. Like this time in the cinema when this teenager sitting in front of me turned around to tell me to stop kicking on her seat. Well, I got ticked because I wasn't kicking her seat, I was shifting my legs so I had to answer back that I wasn't kicking her seat. These kids should learn how to considerate and be polite when confronting people!

So ok, balance. That's the formula. I hope I'd be able to have the wisdom to assert myself in a mature way in dealing with these little bullies which are big enough to ruin your day.

When You Are Sad

What you'd like to actually have is a listening ear and some assuring words.

Yes, you just need to hear all those cliche words of comfort like everything's going to turn out well, don't worry but just stay positive, it will happen in God's time, etc.

The last thing you want to hear is to be told that you're the one creating your misery even if it may be true.

On a dark 4:30pm

It's raining cats and dogs right now, complete with roaring thunder and flashing lightning.

It's only 4:30pm but it looks like it's 7pm. At least my bougainvillea plants got a shower today, I forgot to water them this morning.

I have just finished spring cleaning the living room, dining room and even the shoe closet. I should be happy with this achievement, as now it feels so nice to have a very clean surrounding. But no ring on my phone today, no important email in my inbox, nothing still that would motivate me to look forward to something.

I feel my positive battery is going low and I am starting to be anxious and restless. I really hate uncertainties, I hate waiting for a dateless time. I feel helpless.

What has happened? Have I jinxed myself?

I need to help myself, I need to reverse this negativity that is starting to consume me. For now just write, enjoy all these free time.

It will happen, missy. There is a great plan.

My dry hair was appreciated! :D

I received an email today from Locks of Love containing a Certificate of Appreciation for my donation. :D

Just a couple of hours earlier, I got a call from my last job telling me that they were giving me almost a month's salary bonus as an appreciation of the contribution I've done for the company during my 11 months placement with them.

Guess which of the two made me really happy?

I'm going to grow my hair long again ;)