The Silence

It's been the longest I've been silent, I believe (not that it matters, anyway, since I am not someone important).

Unlike the past incidents when my silence was due to my lack of time to sit down and reflect, this time it was the opposite.I have lots of time to sit down now and reflect, but I choose not to because the reflections I see are not so happy.I used to be able to write more when I am being emotional, but I am resisting it now. I am resisting the urge to put downthese thoughts because I am afraid to admit them to myself. I am afraid that I will not be able to take them back.I'm afraid that my worst thought is actually my fate.

I cannot believe that I am back to this state. I have been begging God, begging Him to please be gentle on me now.I am not so strong anymore, I am getting old and tired. Fate's jokes on me are not anymore funny, I have stoppedto laugh.

I am now just a drifting soul who doesn't know where to go, what to do after going on a downward spiral. I have lost myself once again.