I thought I was doing ok already but yesterday it came back creeping on me, consuming me, trying to drain out the little happiness that I was holding on to for motivation. I know what started it, then I saw what was coming, and yet I didn't resist it. Instead, I embraced self pity like an old friend.
Then today I got perhaps what I deserved for being such a baby. Cold water splashed right onto my face. Ice cold water that froze my heart. It hurt because I didn't expect that the source would be from where I used to get warmth. I realized that there are really circumstances in life that you can never really expect others to understand until they can actually relate with it. There are some longing that you'll never know will ache until you are already feeling them.
The day went by so slow but thankfully I got thru the day with the prayer below:
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
And this Bible verse gave me comfort:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
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