Wide awake under the sun in Bohol

I surprised my family when I came home on Friday and announced I'm going with them to Bohol. I am so glad I decided to go because as expected it was sooo fun with us cousins goofing around and just laughing our hearts out (although it would have been the best if all of us cousins were complete) and I was able to be with Daddy M and Mommy B for even a few days. We owe a lot to our "adopted cousin", Tita T, for organizing everything for us. ;)

I am so proud of my beloved country, the Philippines for it's beautiful places like Bohol. This beautiful place is even supplemented by its beautiful native people, the Boholonians.

Bohol is most famous for the Chocolate hills. I was really awed by seeing the chocolate hills for the first time. They indeed look like how they are in my gradeschool history textbooks. The Chocolate hills are a range of more than a thousand hills. They are called as such because of their brown color brought about by the dried up cogon grass that grows on them during the dry season (they are actually green in the rainy season so perhaps the name could vary to the Chocolate-Mint Hills at this time? hehehe).

Bohol is also famous for the Tarsiers. These are the smallest primates (i.e. monkey) in the world! See how small it is as it sits on my shoulder? They are cute but I find them actually a bit scary because of their big eyes, hehe.

Another thing that you should not miss if you're in Bohol is to cruise the Loboc River. This river has a grand ambiance, I find it fascinating, with its clean, green waters, and the coconut trees that grows on both sides of it. This river extends to the sea but on the other end, the river ends with waterfalls. Loboc river is also a source ofspring water. There are springs on its sides but the water is not hot since there are no volcanoes around. This river is also popular for fireflies watching at night, which we did not see since we cruised the river in the afternoon but I was happy enough to learn that there are still fireflies existing because I used to see them like a usual thing when I was a child but I noticed as I grew up they seemed to have disappeared so for the younger generation, like my brother who's 7 years younger than I am, seeing a firefly for him would perhaps be extraordinary.

The beaches in Bohol are also superb. And I heard that the people of Bohol would like to keep their beaches to be as natural as they are so the government does not allow the construction of commercial buildings/structures near the beaches, land owners of beach side lands are required to turn their place to a resort only. I think this isgood because it makes the Bohol beaches a tranquil and serene place where you can enjoy and relax.

Although I did not get the tan I was hoping to get even if I had myself barbecued under the sun (either my sun block was too effective or the morning sun of Bohol is too mild), I got all the warmth I needed -- from my family. :)

~~~~o~~~~

Going to Bohol from Singapore in a not so big budget:

Option 1 - Take Cebu Pacific Air going to Manila and then take a connecting flight to Tagbilaran

Option 2 - Take Cebu Pacific Air going to Cebu and ride a ferry (2 hours) going to Tagbilaran

You may also take Option 1 route via Philippine Airlines if you feel like spending twice as much. :)

For more information on Bohol visit their website: http://www.bohol.ph/

Outgrowing my pink

One of the things I enjoy about having a routine is that I am amused with how my routine can sync with other people's routines especially my neighbors' and it makes it like a group dance, everything is in harmony and I have different dance partners depending on which routine I choose for that day. For example, if I wake up early and decide that I want to be in the office before 9am I have a group of people I expect to be waiting with me at the bus stop and another group if I chose to go to work a bit later.

It's been around a couple of months that I have been taking the go-to-work-a-bit-later routine and today I chose to take my go-to-work-early routine. I chanced upon my neighbor and her cute toddler daughter in our condo's elevator. There was one time before, that when we saw each other I was wearing my pink outfit -- pink pants, striped pink and black blouse, and pink shoulder bag; and I think the mom liked the whole ensemble that she couldn't help but tell me it's nice that I was all pink. So today, as like déjà vu, I was wearing my pink outfit again, but in a more subtle version -- same pink pants, floral blouse with beige base, beige hand bag, and pink stud earrings. She first noticed my new short hair though and afterwhich the "pink compliment": she said she liked my whole outfit, she said it's so pink. I told her I have not outgrown my pink. She said I shouldn't have to because "that color is you", as per her words. That made me smile, as a simple conversation like that can be really perceptive. Pink color is usually associated with little girls' clothes and things and usually as girls become ladies their color preference also change to the "mature colors". This made me ponder: why do we need to give up our pink when it suits us fine indeed? Why do we need to give up the child within us when this child makes us see life in an innocent and magical way?

I believe we all each have our own pink, and the question I leave to you is: have you outgrown yours?

One hot and steamy week

And it's over, thank God.

Last Saturday, me and my housemates had a date with the aircon contractor for our bedrooms' regular aircon cleaning and maintenance. I didn't have any problem with my aircon before that but after last Saturday's service I noticed that the air seemed to be not cold. I thought my sleepless nights were just because of my long hair, my pajamas and my thick blanket or maybe even just my imagination but after one week I knew it was the airconditioner who was making me have those oh so hot nights. And so today I had another date with the aircon contractor. It turned out my aircon compressor ran out of gas (leaked apparently). I was not happy of course, because aside from the contractor being late, I had to pay for the gas top up (which was almost double of the cleaning service fees!). But well, even if I was convinced before that, that the reason for my aircon's regression in performance had something to do with last week's service, I just had to shrug it off and accept that it was just coincidential. Acceptance is, anyways, the start of moving on, you just have to accept and give the benefit of the doubt and trust. In the end, I chose to be happy anyhow since all's well that ends well.

So to celebrate the end of my hot and steamy sleepless nights, I endulged myself in a relaxing bubble bath, thanks to: Kimage hairsalon, The Body Shop's Papaya Foam bath (now on 20% sale from usual S$19.90), the candles lit and Hayley Westenra's angelic voice in her Odyssey Album.

Sometimes, all you need to get consoled is that embrace from the warm, fragrant water and the tranquility you experience as you close your eyes and feel your body relax in it's most natural form of nakedness.

****
Photo credits:

~Candle in l'alcazar bar , Paris

~Wikipedia
~The Body Shop

10 things I think about this month

1. Get some sun

2. Review my French to prepare for the start of class on the 28th

3. Spend more time in the gym

4. Read my backlog books to read

5. Enjoy Kiwi Land

6. Consider that job in the US

7. Have ampalaya on the 14th

8. Buy a tumba-tumba and do cross-stitching (dapat gantsilyo pero para naman mas modern, haha)

9. Have a haircut (a very short one)

10. Stop blogging

It's the start of another month

If I look back on the month that has passed, I would say it felt like one year has passed. Indeed, the year 2007 has a lot in store for me and it has already started with overwhelming happenings that I never expected would happen. Amazing how things happen in one's walk of life, on some parts the road is smooth, on some the road is rocky. The funny thing is even if you thought you are walking on a smooth road, you can still trip along the way in surprise no matter how careful you are in your strides. And you wonder how did it happen that you can actually trip on your own feet and fall. Then you look up and realize that you bumped in another person walking too close beside you. You don't know what to think, as in the first place everyone knows that in walking the road of life we are each equipped with an invisible privacy bubble, and the trail you walk as far as you know, is a trail where nobody crosses each other's bubble. But then you just get up on your feet and decide to not think about it anymore because you have to continue your walk. Some things are better left unexplained and perhaps even be forgotten, so you just keep silent and carry on smiling as you stride and perhaps even do a little glide, towards the end of the road you chose for the walk of life, because you are sure of who you are and where you are going to.

And so I walk, still holding flowers in my hands.

~o~

It's not only sad movies that make me cry

I stopped watching love story movies a couple of years ago. Well not really stopped, I just avoided watching them if I could. Because no matter how a love story went I was sure to cry. In the times when I did watch, my pretending toughie-toughie heart would reveal that it's actually a softie. So I decided to give my heart a break and gave it a chance to beat a little slower so it wouldn't completely die out of exhaustion. So I temporarily switched off my heart's romantic valve and put more lights on it's filial valve.

And the heart lives, filially.

But perhaps it has a natural way of saying that it can beat a little bit faster as time pass by. Perhaps even circumstances collaborate with the heart to remind you of the existence of the other valve before you completely forget about it.

But it could've also just been the 2 kilometer stride on the transport machine in the gym that made my heart beat faster that I suddenly had the urge to grab "You've Got Mail" instead of any non-romantic movie I was hoping to watch when I get home.

It's interesting how one movie that you have watched before could be different when you watch it again. Amazing how something that was just a line in the movie to you before would suddenly ring a bell, how hearing a foreign place would suddenly sound familiar to you, in just the exact moment.

Maybe that's it.

Maybe the heart needs a chance to show that it is ready to open up that other valve again so it starts to skip a little, then more and more... until you are convinced that it is time...

I still cried at the ending of the movie, oh yes.

But this time, though, with a smile.

***************
Image taken from http://youvegotmail.warnerbros.com/

Flying like the flowing river

On my flight back from Manila to Singapore I started to read the book Like the Flowing River, a collection of thoughts and reflections of my favorite author, Paulo Coelho (my friends' birthday gift to me last November). A few pages after, I felt the tears flow down on my cheeks (like a flowing river). It has never happened to me before that I cried during a flight and I tried to be discreet about it as I didn't want to embarrass myself from the ladies sitting beside me. Good thing the cabin lights were off but with only my reading light on from among the seats in my row, it made it even more dramatic. And indeed, tears trying to be held back is like water being held in a dam which once it breaks, the intensity of the water's cascading flow will be too powerful to stop.

What has made me cry?

Could it be I was so moved by Paulo Coelho's beautiful thoughts on life?

Or could it be because of something else?

Perhaps those last words I heard at the airport?

I think yes and yes. I've read many of Paulo Coelho's novels, all of them fiction but all I adored. But reading real life thoughts and reflections of a person written in impromptu, has an extraordinary impact on me. I was deeply moved at how He sees life in a beautiful way, full of hope, love and peace. It made me ask myself

Why do people lose this drive in life?

Why do people tie themselves up with the ghosts of their past?

Why not make the most of what you have?

Why those last heavy words need to be said?

We know the answers to these questions but I just wish that we do not let ourselves be spun by the web of sadness. No matter how things may seem frustrating, there is always a way to see things in the light. We say we err because we are just human but it does not end there. While it is innate for us to err, it is also innate for us to love. To love is to appreciate, to love is to see beauty and so I hope that we do not forget that this is the gift of life. Our ability to change is more powerful that we can ever imagine, let us not underestimate our ability to become the person that God wants us to be.

Signs that I've been in Singapore too long now

1) While shopping with my mother, I was starting to get impatient that she was walking slowly and was like taking a lot of time at looking for what to buy. Just after I uttered to her (trying my best not to offend her) to walk a bit faster, I looked around the mall and realized that my mother was not slow because everyone was the same pace as hers, it was me who was walking too fast! :(

(I was also not anymore used to the moderate motion of the escalators in the Philippines. Oh yes, the speed of escalators in Singapore is significantly faster).

2) I was meeting Debbie at Robinsons Galleria and I sent her an sms to meet me at Pastamania. She asked where was it and I told her the third floor. I was surprised she didn't know where Pastamania was, because she frequents Robinsons Galleria and she should know where it was. When I got to the third floor, I almost gave myself a tap in the head -- the restaurant I had in mind was Chef d'Angelo! There is no Pastamania in the Philippines.

Tsk, tsk, tsk...

Like Water for Coke

My new year's resolution for this year is... to drink more water.

Quite simple right? But I think this is something important that I have been not giving much attention.

As you may know, aside from coffee, the Coffee fairy also loves Coke Light (equivalent to Diet Coke in United States and Europe). I've been trying to avoid it but the flesh is weak :P. Imagine how hard it is to resist the Coke Light temptation everyday at work where we have a refrigerator full of it. But yes, I do get to resist the temptation sometimes so there are days when I do skip my one can daily dosage :) . The idea that it has zero calories gives me this psychological assurance that it is not unhealthy but yeah, of course that is just what we call conditioning of the mind because we know that too much caffeine is not good. When I was in California last August though I discovered this Coca-Cola product: Caffeine free Diet Coke!!! It was the perfect solution to my caffeine intake concerns but too bad it is not available in Singapore (yes, I tried loking for it in the imported products grocery but didn't find it.)

Anyway, going back to my new year's resolution: I am going to drink more water because water is essential in maintaining a good health. We've heard this a lot of times I'm sure, from our moms, our doctors, health advertisements, everywhere but we tend not to take it seriously, do we?

So I do hope that this year I'd be less stubborn about it. A simple thing like this indeed may seem easy to fulfill but never underestimate the power of non-water seductions. :P

Cheers to year 2007! Happy New year to everyone!

I Miss Him

He is my bestfriend, my confidant. He has always been there for me, thru thick and thin. I've known Him since I was a child but it was only a couple of years ago when our relationship bloomed when I devoted myself to Him, all my heart and soul. I survived because of Him, He gave me a second life which I now am living.

Yet as time passed and I have finally taken hold of my life, I have taken Him for granted. He is still in my heart but I know I have been distant. I have been busy making myself busy that I have not given Him my time that He deserves. We used to talk before I go to sleep, we used to spend quality time on Sundays talking about His love for the world. I used to read His works. But now I fall asleep as soon as I lay on my bed, my Sunday meetings with Him seem to just be a part of my routine -- I go to His house, I stay for an hour then I rush off.

As me and my family gathered around our Christmas eve dinner and I led the thanksgiving prayer, I bowed my head and closed my eyes...and I saw Him smile as I said out loud for us to remember the real essence of Christmas -- His birth. I felt His presence and my heart felt the familiar warm feeling of being close to Him. I miss Him and I know He misses me too.

And so I am going to spend more time with Him. Yes, I will.

Happy Holidays!

The coffee fairy is spending the holidays back in her homeland, the Philippines. :)

Oh yes, two weeks of eating galore for sure. So much for wish list number 16. hehe. =P

Maligayang pasko at manigong bagong taon!

(Merry Christmas and a prosperous new year!)

Mon Homme Idéal

Mon homme idéal est un homme de Dieu. C'est spirituel et il va à l'église. Il est fidele et honnête. Il a compassion. Non, je ne chercher pas un prêtre, just un bon homme.

Mon homme idéal adore le voyage comme moi et nous verrons le monde ensemble. Mon homme idéal a un travail stable. Il est responsible et fiable. Il a des bons principes dans la vie mais il comprend et respecte mes principes, aussi. Il aime ma famille et mes amis, et ma famille et mes amis aimes lui, aussi. Il m'aime beaucoup même si je suis de mauvaise humeur.

Parce que mon Française est limité, je décrirai just mon homme idéal physiquement maintenant: Mon homme idéal est grand mais seulement maximum un metre 80. Il est intelligent mais ce n'est pas un genié. Il a des beaux cheveux blonde comme le soleil. Il a les yeaux bleu comme le ciel. Il a un beau nez. Il a un sourire gentil qui fond mon coeur.

English translation:

My ideal man is a man of God. He's spiritual and he goes to church. He is loyal and honest. He has compassion. No, I am not looking for a priest, just a good man.

My ideal man adores travel like me and we'll see the world together. My ideal man has a stable job. He is responsible and reliable. He has good principles in life but he understands and respectsmy principles also. He likes my family and friends, and my friends and family like him too. He loves me very much even if I am in bad mood.

Because my French is limited, I will just describe my ideal man in physical aspect now:My ideal man is tall but maximum of 1.80 meters. He is intelligent but he is not a genius. He has nice blonde hair like the sun. He has blue eyes like the sky. He has a beautiful nose. He has a gentle smile that melts my heart.

*****

My first semester of my Elementary French language course ended today. I really enjoyed the class because I have a wonderful teacher and classmates. For the last 8 weeks I had something to look forward to every Wednesday night (and had a good excuse to leave work early, hehe). For our last session, our professor asked us to describe in no less than 100 words, our ideal man/woman. Hence, my composition above (with corrections from my professor). Reading it again, I am quite proud of what I have been able to write given my limited knowledge of the French language. Hopefully, in a few more months I'll be better with my French and maybe someday I'll be fluently speaking it as well. But I want to emphasize though that the part where I described my ideal man in aesthetics is just for me to be able to use what we have learned in our last session, that is, physical description. In reality, I believe each man can be handsome in his own way. ;-)

My Christmas 2006 wish list

My good friend Maia asked me this morning to send her my wish list for this Christmas which made me thought of creating this blog entry. So here you go...

1. My Story by Dave Pelzer (book)

2. Tape measure for carpenters (I want to measure my bedroom windows to know the length of the curtains I need) =P

3. Bridget Jones diary CD soundtrack

4. The Best of Enya /Paint the Sky with Stars CD

5. Cute stress ball

6. 2007 Planner/organizer desk notebook – one week per 2 pages

7. 2007 pocket planner – one week per 2 pages

8. 2007 desk calendar in cute design =)

9. Clinique Happy perfume

10. Simple beige office bag big enough to contain an A4 sized folder.

11. Simple black shoulder bag big enough to contain my gym clothes, rubbershoes, wallet and a pocketbook but without making me look like I am carrying the world.

12. There’s this pair of very nice black stillettos at Charles and Keith that’s on 20% off sale =D

13. There’s this nice brown belt at Espirit…

14. Ipod nano 30GB/ Creative 30GB

15. Tennis racket (thin grip and lightweight)

16. 5 kilos off my current weight

17. Speak and write in French just as how I can in English

18. 60 days annual paid leaves at work

19. Unlimited travel voucher to anywhere in the world

20. Toyota Vios/Honda City/Mazda ZoomZoom

21. Ranch + orchard + vineyard

22. House in Orange County , CA

23. Have magical power that will make my bedroom spic and span in one clap

24. Mr. Right

25. World peace

****

haha, I think I'm too much wishful thinking with this list. I'm fine with any gift, I'm happy enough to be thought of this Christmas ;-)

Notes from Siem Reap, Cambodia

~While waiting at Changi airport for Debbie, one of my best friends since High school: It's impossible for me to read/study when I wait in excitement.

~While spending 6 hours in Changi airport to wait for our flight to Siem Reap: Waiting is not a drag when you have somebody to talk to. Even if the flight is an hour delayed. :)

~Upon arrival at Siem Reap International Airport: Impressive! An airport that looks like a resort!

~After passing the Immigration: Unbelievably, there is one place in the world that the Philippine passport is more privileged than the powerful passports (e.g. American, European, Singaporean, Japanese). All foreign visitors to Cambodia are required to get a visa except for nationals from Brunei, Philippines, Thailand, and Malaysia. Yeah baby! ;-)

~On my first glimpse of Siem Reap: The place reminds me of Nueva Ecija, my province in the Philippines, except that in Siem Reap, hammocks are part of their life, almost all houses have hammocks.

~While touring the floating village in Siem Reap's river,Tonle Sap (Asia's largest river): People who live along the lake must have really strong arms from all those paddling to move around...

~On the Land Mine museum: I was expecting for a typical museum but voila! But it's still nice for me and it's free!

~On Siem Reap going about: Whoa! I was like in an American France or a French America - An interesting irony in Cambodia is that you can buy everything by using US dollars and yet all around the place are French translations.

~On the elephant ride: I felt like a princess being paraded around. haha. =P

~On eating green mangoes and almost a pint of ice cream: I should never ever do this again. Lactose intolerance plus wrong food combination equals stomach revolution.

~On tomb raiding the temples of Angkor Thom, Bayon and Angkor Wat: Magnificent is an understatement. Just be ready with your legs, need to do a lot of walking around and climbing to
explore them.

~On our dinner at our last night in Siem Reap: I felt so privileged that our tour guide took us to a non-tourist place, as in it was the usual restaurant of the locals where the guests had their own little hut with hammocks (of course) on the sides and in the middle is the table without legs and no chairs so it was like Japanese style. We played cards while waiting for our food.

~On our tour guide asking me and Debbie how long we've known each other: Almost fourteen years! Oh my God, has it been that long now?!

~On having a tour guide: Having a tour guide does not mean there will be no spontaneity. With limited time of stay, one could not afford to lose time experimenting how to go about. And it depends on the itinerary as well. Our tour guide, Vichet is the best! Thanks a million to missy G-Clef for recommending him to us.

~On this trip in general: One of my best travels! I love love love! =D

*Photocredits to me and Debbie. ;-)

She and She

It was one lazy day and they sat on the sofa. It's just been only two months since they've last seen each other.

Words came out with subtlety, it was obvious that she was trying to hold back her feelings. She was trying to casually talk about how she was having a hard time taking care of her two boys. She was saying it like it was the usual nonchalant matters about men. But she was not able to sustain it, her tears betrayed her as she said those words: "I had nobody to talk to."

She looked her and she wished she could just naturally give her a hug for support. But they have not been raised up to be affectionate with them eversince. Embrace is equivalent to awkwardness. So she froze and could only look at her. Words from her childhood echoed in her mind: "As soon as you finish school and have a job, by all means, you can freely leave this house..", words said in anger and frustration, words said with conviction. A little voice from her childhood whispered to her mind to remind her those words, because as she grew up, she was convinced that she meant every single one of those words. But looking at her sad eyes and the lines of tiredness on her face, she knew that bringing up the past is no longer necessary, and that she didn't need her to say she's sorry out loud. The blood flowing in their veins have their own language to say unspoken words. She needed her help, and in her mind she got up and gave her that hug she never had.

Melaka Escapade!

Spent the day at the historical place of Malacca (Melaka), Malaysia (3 hour drive from Singapore).
Had a fun time with old and new friends.
Another day to keep in mind to be thankful of the beauty of laughter and friendship.

Photocredits to Aoisoba, Day-oh-bee and Mr. Yotsuya

Coffee fairy turned 20!

ok, ok, not really 20 but 20 plus 7, ahihihi (^,^)
Just that twenty-seven doesn't rhyme with fairy but twenty does, hehe.

So the coffee has been brewed another year. This year though is quite different, because this year has been a great, great year -- many lessons learned, many discovered things, many new friends, many blessings...indeed another turning point in my life, to which I am very thankful to God for.

The morning of my birthday I processed my Permanent Residency formalites. Yup, I am no longer under employment pass in Singapore but now an official permanent resident. Though it makes me technically not an Overseas Filipino Worker anymore, it does not make me feel any less Filipino. My cellphone's battery went off before I finished processing. I felt so uneasy, I felt that people must be trying to reach me at that time but could not because my phone was off. However, as I ate my lunch, I started to feel that I actually felt that being "unreachable" at that moment gave me time to be just with myself and to reflect on my life. And it felt good because I realized how much I feel so special for being loved by my family and friends. I realized how much I love and treasure my family and friends. I realized how much I appreciate my life right now, and that I should actually be thankful for what I have and not what I lack.

My family and friends will always be my pillars of strength, my source of inspiration and I thank them so much from the bottom of my caffeinated heart:

To my sweet housemates who surprised me with a yummy mango birthday cake the night before my birthday. To Sister porky and Kuya Porky who have sent me a personalized birthday card plus a catalog of In and Out Burger (my favorite burger resto in California!).To my Mama and Papa (my parents), who sent me touching birthday cards (one sent to my home, the other sent to my office). To my godparents, Tito Michael and Tita Baby, for the cute birthday card and bouquet of flowers with a cute teddy bear delivered to me in my office; To my FFs (forever friends yan ha, hehe) who were with me for a birthday coffee and chat: Chuvanescence, my "fantastic friend" (o ha, parang marvel superhero) for wearing his special green t-shirt just for my birthday (hehe); Cosmo Chick, my "fashonista friend", for the birthday gift and handmade birthday card from her pretty daughter Margaux; to Maia, my "faithful friend", for the sexy birthday gift (yihee); Aoisoba , my "frisky friend"(naiisip ko kasi pag frisky e pusa, tapos naisip ko love mo cats...ayan nahanapan ko ng connect, haha), for the creative gift (framed messages from our ex-colleague friends in the Philippines) and the purple authentic Indian blouse; Omaritosan, my "fitness friend", who's really so sweet and made his yahoo messenger contacts leave me offline birthday messages, plus sent me a very nice birthday cake at my office; to everyone who has made my day so special by the emails, offline messages and SMS greetings you've sent.

Thank you to everyone who has made my day so special. I am really touched by how you have gone out of your way to make my birthday a memorable one and how much you really know what would make me happy. I love you very much and I thank God for having you in my life.

Two cents worth

Question: Do you (as a family or friend) have the right to say who is worthy for someone close to you?

I do think I am objective when I say I am not a judgemental person. I give second chances (or more) to people because I know first impressions are not usually encouraging. More often than not, a person we initially thought we cannot be more than acquaintances with can actually turn out to be a good friend. That's why I don't just judge a person and just say this person is not worth it without having any material basis. I have learned that when we truly love someone, we love so much even to the point that we still try to see the good in that person even if the person has wronged us big time. However, I have also learned (unfortunately, the hard way) that:

There is a thin line between martyrdom and stupidity.

There is a thin line between selflessness and putting yourself down to the pits.

Martyrdom and selflessness have a good cause behind them and will be benefitting the world, stupidity and putting yourself down to the pits is pretending you have no other better choice so you hold on to the broken pieces of an egg shell in the hope of putting it all back together. But even children can tell you that "All the king's horses and all the king's men could not put humpty dumpty together again."

Of course I agree that no two persons are the same, and not all love stories are the same, nor even fairytales, but I also do believe that there is an obvious indication that a person is not worthy of you: when that person brings out the worst in you rather than bring out the best in you. A person who brings out the worst in you does not love you.

I don't really believe that love is like a "you and me against the world" drama. Because unless you don't care about your family and friends, and they are people who you think don't want the best for you, or who you think are just purely the contrabidas in a telenovela who wants to make your life miserable, I'm sure that you will always wish that the one that you love not only have won your heart but your family and friends as well.

Yes, I may not be the best person to be saying all these, having been into three failed relationships myself and suffering from the bitterness they have caused up to now. But then again, I do feel I have the right to give my two cents on this, because I have been through the pits and I know how it feels to be deceived, to be made a big joke and to be treated like shit. I have learned when over is over (and that is when you have exerted your best and yet you still don't understand why he still won't love you back like he used to). I am just thankful I was able to let go before it got any worse, at least I woke up before it was too late. I survived and so now I live with still a sane mind to tell about it and save people from going through the same thing.

My intention is always for the happiness of the people close to my heart. I do not want them to suffer. So I hope and pray that the true love from the heart prevails, not disillusions of a tricked mind.

Singapore Biennale 2006

I am poor in visual arts, moreso, modern visual arts.

(Ah, this exhibit is so red...oh this is like Dr. Jekyll's laboratory..--> plangak! =P )

Although I've enjoyed going to museums and art exhibits when I was a child for our school fieldtrips, I wouldn't think about going to museums if I were alone (although people seem like they would liketo strangle me when I tell them I did not go to a single museum during my stay in Paris,nor did I go inside Met museum in New York, or any museum in California, Houston or when I was in Dublin, Ireland.) So my motivation to go to the Singapore Biennale Art festival 2006 was not the festival itself but because of my dear, dear friend Aoisoba's invitation, and combine her with Chuvanescence and for sure it would be a "scandalously" fun time. Plus for a bonus, Diovie was with us to make it the merrier.

I was almost speechless as we toured the exhibits inside the Cityhall. No, it was not because I was taken away by how much I loved the exhibits, rather, I was trying to keep my mouth shut so I would not utter my duh comments (I was too afraid that Aoisoba might lock me up in one of the chambers, ahehehe). I did try to appreciate those arts but really, I was either too shallow to be appreciative or the exhibits were really uhmm..no comment (there was one MTV-type interpretation that I bet my facial expression from my reaction would be good enough to be featured in a tv show like though I was in a practical joke). In fairness though,there were two exhibits that did interest me: one was a documentary short film on interviews on some ordinary people on the difference of Muslim countries and Western countries and what they think would be the last thoughts of a suicide bomber. Then the other exhibit was another documentary short film on the last meal of a death convict, the chef who prepared the last meals of death convicts in a US prison was interviewed. Something which made it more interesting was that the room that featured this exhibit was across another exhibit of a painting by an artist of Jesus' last supper with the disciples. I'm not sure if it was intentional, I suppose it is.

All in all, as I have expected, I had a lot of fun with my good friends' company. We were like tourists in Singapore for a day --just spontaneous and indifferent even if people might think we're "crazy tourists, lah". It was indeed a fabulous day of laughter. Now we're not just mushrooms anymore, we're now "cultured" mushrooms! Bow!

Bathtub thoughts

Candles lighted - one, two, three...

Warm water fills in...

She steps in slowly

Skin soaked in, she breathes

Gray clouds gather in her thoughts

Creeping between black and white

When will the labyrinth end?

She descends in slowly

Hair dipping in, eyes closed

And the cycle continues...

There's something fishy about this

The fish used to feel trapped in a fishbowl.
One day the fish was able to get out of the fishbowl and be in the ocean.
The ocean was wide and deep.
The fish felt lost.
It made the fish think: which is better, to be trapped in the fishbowl or to be lost in the ocean?

There should be another choice. There must be.

My first vitamins purchase

Well, let me qualify that: my first vitamin purchase for myself.

I've bought many vitamins before but they were usually for my sister or parents, never for me. I just didn't see the necessity to take vitamins because I am not thin and I always had this notion that vitamins are for those people who want to gain weight because vitamins will make your appetite grow. Perhaps I got that idea when I was kid, because I was a skinny, short kid so my mother made me take vitamins to make me leaner although I remember being too stubborn to consistently drink my vitamins. But when I started adolescense, it was obvious that vitamins were not needed because I was like a balloon suddenly inflated and skinny thoughts have been like a fading memory since then, hehehe.

So I have been a healthy kid, teenager and young adult, I rarely got sick and when I got sick it was just the usual slight fever, colds or cough. I am the only one among my siblings who was not hospitalized during our childhood because of high fever (lower form of dengue), it's either that I was healthy or mosquitos didn't like the taste of my blood (poisoned blood? nyahaha). :-P

But now I have decided to finally take vitamins. I realized that vitamins are not necessarily for weight gaining but actually to complete your nutrients that you need to meet your recommended daily allowance (RDA). I am also getting a bit alarmed because of the recent turn of events when I got sick after my travels, then three weeks after that I got very sick again (terrible headache, terrible tonsilitis and slight fever) and now I have tonsilitis and dry cough again. I don't know though if this time it's because of the haze from the smoke coming from forest fires in Indonesia that they could'nt put off for a week now. I thought they were just making a big deal of this haze earlier last week but last Friday I experienced it myself, it was hard to stay outdoors because the haze made it hard to breathe and made my eyes hurt and now my throat is irritated and hurts. I blame it on the haze but actually I am not sure also if I have stressed myself as well. Because this weekend I went to Saturday dance class and Sunday dance class, then I had tennis lesson Sunday night.

Whatever it is though, taking vitamins, I think, would do me well. I just hope this is not a sign of old age, haha. :-P

Cheers to good health!

********


Image courtesy of giftanimations.com

My first Singapore haircut

For a year that I've been here in Singapore, I've never had my hair done here because it is waaaaay more expensive here. I always waited to go home to Philippines since I go home usually every 3 months.

But this time I couldn't wait anymore, I had to have a haircut. My little sister can attest to that, she knows I really needed to have my hair fixed as she's seen it in it's most terrifying state.

And also I have been down lately, and I wanted something changed, improved, and usually my hair gets to do this challenging task of making me feel better. :P

Anyway, my hair is almost down to my waist line, and it has gone dead dry since it has been more than six months since I last went for a haircut.

So I went to a recommended hairsalon here and sat at the "judgement chair". For me, going for a haircut was always a risk, because you never know if the hairstylist will not murder your hair (like their definition of trim is cut 6 inches off your hair), unless you have a tried and tested hairstylist. So the first time with a new hairstylist is always a risk. Plus, I was going to spend hundreds of dollars! But good thing the hairstylist was really kind and she was very good and I felt she was just being concerned when she asked me if I comb my hair (see how terrible my hair was? hahaha). So after almost 4 hours and 350 singapore dollars, I went out of the salon with a satisfied smile. I am glad I took the risk because my hair deserves to be happy.

The Fading

Unsmiled smile

Waiting to be remembered

Waiting to be had

To mortalize the fantasy

To mortalize a phantom

Put a face behind the mask

Save the dying heart

Revive the graceful soul

Revive the shining light

For time almost ends

For tears almost dry

The blackness arrives

Two new books!

I love books and to be given a book as a gift is a great joy to me. It shows how much a person knows me. But the more interesting thing is the choice of book, that will truly indicate how fond that person is of me.

I got two new books last week. They are from two very important people in my life and I am deeply touched because their gifts show that they know me very well.



My new book #1
Common Phrases And Where They Come From
by Myron Korach in collaboration with John Mordock
First Lyons Press paperback edition, 2002


This was given to me by my Tito* Michael. On my way out from office last Tuesday night, our office secretary called me to hand me a package. Tito Michael sent me this book all the way from Riverside, California. What a treat!

He is really so thoughtful. He has seen my fascination with the idioms I heard him say during my vacation in their home last month. It's really interesting because the idioms he were using were those I don't usually read from books, perhaps they were more of conversational idioms native to California(?). So I found it really interesting, I've always been fascinated with the English language. Anyway, the book is about where the common phrases or idioms we use came from. It's really fun to read, it is not something like a text book that is trying to teach you history. It is written in an interesting way that'll make you just turn the pages.



My new book #2

Sunshine

by Robin McKinley

Published by The Penguin Group 2004

This book was a gift to me by my very good friend Mhean as a makeup gift. We recently had a misunderstanding but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise as it paved way for us to prove that we are true friends to each other. Isn't it a treasure to know how much you are valued as a friend?

The book was about vampires, and I am really moved about Mhean's choice of book. It makes me smile to realize she knows me that much, that she's one of the few who knows my fascination about vampires. The even more amazing thing is how specifically she knows what type of vampire story I like, because the book is about a vampire fairytale! ;-)

I have two new books. They may just be two of the thousands printed of their same kind but my two new books have been made unique and priceless by two very dear people in my life.

***********
*Tito - Tagalog for Uncle

Quitting catechism class (again?)

This is not new. Seven months ago, I've been pondering on the same thing.

But many Sundays passed and I was diligently present, even the once in a while weekday or Saturday meetings for ad hoc activities. Somehow, I did manage to hold on to it..maybe because I hunger for learning God's words, I wanted to learn more about my faith. Which could probably explain why it was not sustainable. My intentions for staying in the class seems to be selfish. I stayed on for my own learning but I forgot that my goal should have been for the students to learn and develop their faith. I did try, but it was too much for me. I attribute it to cultural difference, because I was not confident enough to handle the intimidation of these teenagers as well as my co-catechishts and co-parishioners, it was hard to connect to them because I am from the third world, and they are from the first world. I speak and think differently. I have confusion and sadness inside me right now, battling for guilt not to eat me, and telling myself that God is not hating me for my decision to quit the class. But guilt is trying to trick me, convincing me that I have gone cold on God and that I will not be able to look straight at my co-catechists and the students when I see them at church. Perhaps yes, but then again I also know my heart is for God and I only want to do what I think would be best. Right now I am in the process of getting my own light before I could share it to others. I cannot get the light if doubts are clouding over me. I am not stopping here, I am just rerouting to a better path, where I feel that my way is still about the spirit and not the religion.

Do you ever feel

Like you want to fly and then when you learn how and you start to soar higher is when you realize that your foot is actually tied to a string in a tree?

Like smiling and jumping for joy but you couldn't because it would cause another to cry?

I do
and I don't like it.

Temporary Tennis Timeout

I have fully recovered from the flu (as well as my li'l sister, thank God!) and just in time as my tennis instructor asked if I was back in Singapore. So tonight I resumed my tennis lessons and two months of no tennis, here's my status check:

My swing? Gone.

My grip? Gone.

My form? Gone.

My footwork? Gone.

My desire to bring them back?
All there. And that is all that matters.

I think in life this really happens, sometimes we lose the ability to do something after not practicing for a time, and it's just not physical activities, but even mental, emotional and spiritual abilities (and yes, we may even forget how to love). However, I also believe that abstinence or lack of practice will not make you totally forget, as once you learn it by heart, it will not be forgotten but may just be put in your "storage". Sometimes, it may not even be our choice to abstain from doing what we used to do by heart, as it may be inevitable on certain circumstances. But the important thing is, as long as you are determined to re-learn an ability, you will definitely gain it back (and yes, I do believe we can remember how to love again).

The Price for thinking I was Supergirl

After two months of flying around the globe, bouncing from Singapore to Paris back to Singapore then to California and back to Singapore, I think my antibodies got fed up and have finally revolted. Perhaps my bodyclock got too distorted with all the time changes, perhaps I lack sleep. One thing is certain, I am no supergirl =(

I didn't see it coming though, as after arriving in Singapore at almost 1am last Monday from California, I didn't have a problem going to work a few hours after. Except that my lips were chapping (no thanks to the added security enforced in all flights to and from United States that prohibited lip gloss/balm or anything gel like to be in a carry-on bag). However, on Tuesday night I started to get down with the flu. I felt my eyes and breath were very warm and my head was so heavy. By Wednesday I was sick enough not to be able to work. On Thursday, I got better and was able to go to work but whola! I lost my voice. It was like when you have shouted a lot in a concert and the following day you have no voice. But in my case my voice faded because of my cough and colds, I sounded terrible, people had a hard time recognizing me when I talk to them on the phone. It was actually hard to talk in the first place. By Friday, I still had cough and colds and my voice is still fading so I decided that it would be best to have complete rest to fully recover. So I called up my lead catechist to tell her I will not be able to help in the Youth camp over the weekend then I called up one ofmy best girlfriends to cancel our shopping-dinner date that night.Today, I accompanied my li'l sister to the clinic, she's also down with the flu and it seems I got her infected with my virus. =(

Now we're both quarantined in our condo, trying our best to get well. Hopefully, tomorrow we'll both be fully well.

Coffee home...

...is where the coffee heart is.

A San Diego Fable

One day, in a zoo, an ugly duckling suddenly found herself separated from her parents and lost among the crowd. She got scared, because losing her parents would make her feel all the guilt, as perhaps she'd been a bad duckling because she did not stick by their side that's why she got lost. Still, she tried to hide her fear and tried to get a hold of herself. She got tired from looking for her parents that she decided to sit down for a while. Then suddenly a white swan sat beside her and she was awed by its magnificence. It was a father white swan, and he seemed to know that something was wrong, so he asked her if she was lost. The ugly duckling hesitated for a moment, as she yet had to assess whether she could trust the white swan and it was safe to talk about her situation. As she felt the sincerity of the father swan, she finally admitted she was lost and she started to cry and it seemed like she could'nt help tears fall down her cheeks. The kind father swan offered to help and from then on she knew that she found a best friend in him. Together, they walked and found her parents waiting for her in a nearby corner. They didn't know that she got lost, they thought she just went to see the Pandas so they were not surprised to see her be back. But the ugly duckling did not tell them what really happened, she thought it was better to stay that way as it would just might spoil a jolly mood. As they walked away, she looked back at the white father swan, he was so grand and he was like an angel to her. She looked at her parents, they have brown feathers, small body and beak compared to the swan. Though she wished she could be a swan, she knew she would never become a swan, but then again, she realized that she could always become a beautiful brown duck, with the heart of a white swan.

Here Comes the Pride

For me, pride comes in two different ways: one brings conflict, the other one brings warmth to the heart.

My sister's wedding brought about both prides in me. My first pride came out from the moment she announced her plan to get married to the day she decided to give the honor of being maid of honor to her matchmaker instead of her bestfriend or sister. So this pride of mine had indeed created a lot of tension between us, I didn't want to give in, I wanted her to realize my point. I wanted her to have the pride I had. When she changed her initial plan about the wedding entourage and decided to have two maids of honor, one being me, I knew that she just wanted to make me happy. She didn't get my point and I felt even worse about myself. But of course, as I have expected, in the end I would still give in. At least I did give it a shot. What made me give in is the realization that it was not my wedding and it was not my life, if those decisions would make her happy, then I would support her. I guess perhaps I was just making it a big deal because of my own personal issues but it wasn't supposed to be about me, it should be about her. So end of pride one.

After days and almost sleepless nights of very hands-on wedding preparations, the day finally came. Up to the last minute, we were all on up on our toes and down on our knees doing everything to make my sister's wedding a realization of her dreams. I had doubts about everything but when the time came when my sister walked with my parents to the aisle in her wedding dress and all eyes were on her, I felt this other pride in me that made tears well up in my eyes (and to many others as well including her groom). As I have said earlier, this type of pride brings warmth to the heart. I felt proud of my sister, for having gone through all the things she's been through to make her wedding the best for her and her groom, I felt proud that my parents were there to walk her down the aisle, I felt proud that the relationship I have doubted has survived the challenges and critiques and had come to the next level to become another proof of true love.

So now I discovered how it felt to be the sister of the bride. If seeing a person so close to my heart walk down the aisle made that big effect on me, I could imagine how I might feel to be the one walking down that aisle wearing my wedding dress...I think I would definitely need a very good water proof make up. hehehe. =P

Miyan & Chris
Marriott Hotel
Riverside, California
12 Aug 2006

~Photocredits to my cousin Kuya Odel coupled with my cropping expertise. =P

Now I'm humming...

California
Artist: Phantom Planet

We’ve been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for number one
California here we come
Right back where we started from

Hustlers grab your guns
Your shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California here we come
Right back where we started from

California!
Here we come!

On the stereo
Listen as we go
Nothing’s gonna stop me now
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Pedal to the floor
Thinkin’ of the roar
Gotta get us to the show
California here we come
Right back where we started from

California!
Here we come!


***

Lyrics taken from here