A paperbag full of journals laid on the chair beside her. A plate of kway teow laid in front of her.
Chopsticks in hand, she started to eat her lunch at past 1pm like a zombie. Lots of thoughts and questions playing in her mind.
I was late today for Catechism class because I had to accompany my sister to the airport before going to church. My usual class schedule was: first 45 minutes was the lesson, the next 1hr 15 minutes we hear mass together with the students, then the last 30 minutes was for sharing session and journal writing.
I missed the first part of class and was late for mass as well. During mass my mind was contemplating on so many things bothering me now and how I could take away these burden. Part of it was catechism class -- it was a commitment that I think I could not handle. I feel incompetent as a catechist, because I cannot handle the adoloscents, they are so much of a challenge. I could not handle the responsibility of teaching them how to be spiritual and respectful, it was just too much for me. Last year when I was assigned to the Primary 3 students, just as an assistant, I was already intimidated by the children. So just imagine the intimidation of handling these young adults, very agressive young people from a different culture. It is like begging for respect, survival of the fittest, and I don't know how to move, I am always cautious as there is cultural difference.
I was late today for Catechism class because I had to accompany my sister to the airport before going to church. My usual class schedule was: first 45 minutes was the lesson, the next 1hr 15 minutes we hear mass together with the students, then the last 30 minutes was for sharing session and journal writing.
I missed the first part of class and was late for mass as well. During mass my mind was contemplating on so many things bothering me now and how I could take away these burden. Part of it was catechism class -- it was a commitment that I think I could not handle. I feel incompetent as a catechist, because I cannot handle the adoloscents, they are so much of a challenge. I could not handle the responsibility of teaching them how to be spiritual and respectful, it was just too much for me. Last year when I was assigned to the Primary 3 students, just as an assistant, I was already intimidated by the children. So just imagine the intimidation of handling these young adults, very agressive young people from a different culture. It is like begging for respect, survival of the fittest, and I don't know how to move, I am always cautious as there is cultural difference.
How can I share my reflections if I could not even express myself? How can I teach them to commit, when I myself couldn't? I want to proudly say I am a Catechist because I deserve it, not for the sake of trying to impress people. It is also such a big bother to me to see people pretending to be servants of God, it disturbs me how they could wear the holy robe, be part of the celebration and yet transform completely once they take off the robe. So there I was, praying to God and asking for His consent for me to quit Catechism class.
When I proceeded to the last part of class after mass, our head catechist approached me. I think my actions that I am losing interest in the class were too obvious and she had a good feeling I would be quitting. She straightforwardly ask me if I was having a hard time in class, and I told her honestly that I did have a hard time handling the secondary students. She also told me I should've not missed yesterday's seminar on classroom management and that it would've helped a lot. Anyway, in short she told me not to leave her as she cannot afford another Catechist quit. We started with 4 of us teachers, and today there was only the two of us. There were more than 50 students.
How could I say no to that? Although I know that she was asking me to stay not because I was a competent Catechist but because she has no choice, I gave her my assurance. I think it was God's answer, He didn't want me to quit, He wants me to face this challenge.
A paperbag full of journals now lies beside her bed. Starting tomorrow, she will read them. Although still with reservations, she will try to start the week with hope. She silently recites one of her favorite quotes,
When I proceeded to the last part of class after mass, our head catechist approached me. I think my actions that I am losing interest in the class were too obvious and she had a good feeling I would be quitting. She straightforwardly ask me if I was having a hard time in class, and I told her honestly that I did have a hard time handling the secondary students. She also told me I should've not missed yesterday's seminar on classroom management and that it would've helped a lot. Anyway, in short she told me not to leave her as she cannot afford another Catechist quit. We started with 4 of us teachers, and today there was only the two of us. There were more than 50 students.
How could I say no to that? Although I know that she was asking me to stay not because I was a competent Catechist but because she has no choice, I gave her my assurance. I think it was God's answer, He didn't want me to quit, He wants me to face this challenge.
A paperbag full of journals now lies beside her bed. Starting tomorrow, she will read them. Although still with reservations, she will try to start the week with hope. She silently recites one of her favorite quotes,
"The Christian life is a series of beginnings..."
God bless tomorrow and the coming days.
3 comments:
yeah i think you should not,you are serving HIM and not the kibitzers...
well you can try using a water squirter gun for a change ;)
hmm, know any store that sells good water guns? hehehe. =P
thanks for the encouragement! God bless.
thanks for dropping by my blog. i appreciate the comment. you've got yourself a nice blog here, blogger really does a nice job with letting you customize your blogs. =D
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