Fattaya

One little remark made me do three hundred crunches and shed a thousand tears. And instead of enjoying the rest of the evening here in Pattaya, Thailand (yes, the pun with the title is very much intentional), I am in blogosphere about to rant out.

I have always been fat for most of my life. While in Western countries people would not even consider me overweight, unfortunately, I am Asian, moreso, a Southeast Asian, and in this part of the world's standards slim is the beautiful. And if you're not slim, then you're considered fat.

The amazing thing is, when you're actually obese, nobody would tell to your face that you're fat. But for people like me who were born with the chubby genes, there is always a generous greeting of about how you look: "Tumataba tayo ah, mukhang hiyang ka sa ___ "

English Translation: Hey, you look fatter, seems like you're quite comfortable with [insert whatever recent change in your life like being in a new relationship, getting married or having moved to a new location].

Never mind if you had just saved the world, as long as you have gained weight, that's the first thing to be noticed about you (especially by Filipinos, it's a part of our culture which I hate).

This is so unfair. I just eat like a normal person and yet I still gain weight. I already tried cutting down on food, but as I have observed, it was useless. I will never be skinny unless I become anorexic. I am just really one of those unlucky ones with slow metabolism and therefore we need to exert extra effort to not keep on ballooning by doing lots of exercise. My being short in height makes it even worse...and don't let me start talking about the mockings and sufferings I had because of my height, I have already gotten over that insecurity in my early adult life when I finally accepted there is nothing I can do about that.

Ok, fine. I guess I also just have to accept the fact that I am one of those who have to work harder to look physically acceptable. I can't afford to just relax each day and enjoy those lazy times with my husband. I have to run my a** off and burn those calories everyday. I have to sweat like a pig (no pun intended this time but heck, even this figure of speech is so mean!) to make up for my very laid back metabolic rate.

Arrrgh!!! I want to look great!!!

Off with this ten kilos!!!

For Grandpa

I wish I was there last Friday to read this out to you personally:

I remember we first met five years ago during spring when we visited you in your mobile house. My first impression was wow, you live on your own, and you drive your car at 94 years old. You must be Superman (and now I realize where Captn Marvel got his powers from). I remember regretting not having a picture of us taken together.

I shouldn't have been surprised that when you saw me again in summer the following year, you still remember me..and more. You remembered A LOT about me. I remember another regret on this trip - I should've shaken that salad dressing bottle before pouring onto your salad, because you made a face during dinner when we asked you how you liked it.

The memory of winter the following year is still fresh in my mind. We spent Christmas and New Year together with the family, it was one of the best holidays of my life. And then we celebrated your birthday, where we surprised you with a candle lit cake...I remember you shedding a tear because you were really touched. I didn't tell you this, but seeing you looking happy that night touched my heart.

The last time we saw each other was early fall two years ago. And there is one thing I will never forget during this time - you unintentionally locked me out of the house while I was busy emoting at the front yard. This memory always brings a smile to my face and this is how I will remember you, a grandpa who always bring a smile to our face.

You lived a full life, Grandpa, and I am very thankful to God, that even for just a short time, I had been given privilege to be, in a little way, part of it.

I miss being a bookworm

I have not been as actively reading as I used to be during my single (and lonely) days. But I think I better revive my reading activities because one of the things I have observed about myself lately is that I now often find myself at a lost for words - both written and verbal. Worse, I think I am starting to develop an attention deficit disorder in reading. I find that it's now not easy for me to just give my full attention to something I'm reading. I get easily distracted and impatient that most of the time I end up skipping some paragraphs when reading short articles and then when reading books, I often have to re-read a paragraph or two before it fully sinks in. This is not a good trend at all!

Hence, I should really have to revive my literary reading life.

So to spark some inspiration, let me start then by enumerating a couple of books (oh my gosh, only a couple!?!) I had managed to read over the past few months:

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

A bestseller and highly recommended by a girl friend, I got very curious and finally got myself a copy. I enjoyed reading this book. It was written with such a witty and candid and yet profound way. I think free spirited women will be able to relate to this and contrary to feedback I read that this book is cultish, it does not at all impose what the author's views on religion and philosophy at all. In fact, I liked how the way Elizabeth Gilbert showed her openness to exploring different ways of showing faith. Furthermore, contrary to another feedback I read saying that the book was just about the author's whinings, I liked how she actually honestly wrote her thoughts and feelings in this book like she was telling it to a very close friend and so as a reader, I felt that connection with her as she talked about her real life experiences.

As like what usually happens next to bestseller books, it has been made into a movie already which is already showing the US but which will only be shown in Singapore in a couple of months, I believe, starring, who else of course, but Julia Roberts. Personally I think the producers should have picked a more low profile actress for the role but well, I'll save my thoughts on this on a movie review perhaps.

Anyhow, this book's sequel, Committed, is also already available. I think I'd like to read that too.

The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho

I got the book when I saw it one time I went to the bookstore. I didn't even know that Paulo Coelho was launching this new book. Anyhow, I got the time to finally read this while on a two week honeymoon in Mauritius.

I would have to say that this book made me see a new side of Paulo Coelho's writing. Although it has his usual deep and calm tone, it also has the feel of a mystery thriller book. It uses realism and dwells on modern day scenarios, quite different from the usually mystical writing style of the author.

I am not really sure why I couldn't put down the book and I just continued to read on and on. Maybe I was curious about the life of movies and showbusiness or maybe I just wanted to know how the story ends. I can't really say that I loved it since I found the story too tragic and hope wrecking. It was not your usual good wins, evil loses because Paulo Coelho left it up to the reader to decide who are the bad guys and who are the good guys and if death is the end or the start.

Under the sink

Do you see anything wrong with this picture?

Detergent, insect repellant, mutipurpose cleaner neatly placed on one side, sponges on the other side. It looks absolutely normal, right?

Apparently, we're wrong! Hehehe.

Detergents, bleaches, insect killers, multipurpose cleaners...these are all chemicals which may actually emit nonvisible fumes which can affect the quality of water in the tap. And if you get the water you drink from the tap, then you know what that means.

Would you believe I actually learned this from my company's New Staff Induction Programme? Yup, since my company now is into facility management, I get to learn workplace health and safety standards which I can apply at home. Cool huh? ;)

Deja vu

It's 2pm already and the thought of eating seem to still not appeal.
It feels like waking up a few years back. Those times when the world was just a fishbowl and you can only walk until where the string takes you.

I feel weak and scared. Everything's in a mess again. And it's my fault again.
I wish I don't see things the way I see them.
It hurts to be different. I wish I wasn't different. It would be easy then to be understood.

I wish I was just in a faraway place right now. A place where nobody knows me, a place where I don't need to ask to live up to expectations to be appreciated, a place where I won't be able to hurt anyone by expressing myself.

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
(By: B.Benjamin/S.Marcus/C.Cadwell )

Baby, you understand me now
if sometimes you see that I'm mad.
Don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel?
When everything goes wrong, you see some bad.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

You know sometimes, baby, I'm so carefree
with a joy that's hard to hide.
And then sometimes it seems again that all I have is worry,
and then you're bound to see my other side.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

If I seem edgy,
I want you to know,
I never meant to take it out on you.
Life has its problems,
and I get more than my share;
but that's one thing I never mean to do
'cause I love you.

Oh baby, I'm just human.
Don't you know I have faults like anyone?
Sometimes I find myself alone regretting
some little foolish thing;
some simple thing that I've done.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

Don't let me be misunderstood.
I try so hard,
so don't let me be misunderstood.

Send button

People you love may offend or hurt you without them even being aware of it. Should you even tell them about it, while at the back of your mind you know that there is a big risk of creating a ripple in your relationship with them out of saying your sentiments?

The words were already written, but at the last minute I decided not to hit that send button. I will just keep quiet until I can still bear it.

Reason Out

Sometimes I wish I was a bit more confrontational when people scold me for doing something that frustrates them when in fact i was just following directions. Like last week I went to the person in charge to get the application form for the season parking in the office building. I specifically asked her where I should pay when I get the form accomplished and signed. She told me I could just go to her.

So that's exactly what I did. This morning, I went to her desk and what did she tell me? "Next time go to the carpark office to pay". I was dumbfounded so it took me some time before I softly said "You told me to go to you to pay".

I wish I could have said it with more conviction and with more emphasis to make sure she'd recall having that conversation with me last week. But I was raised with the virtue of not talking back to elders as a sign of respect. Even if I've been living here for 5 years now, here where a lot of people seem to have this natural instinct to tell it to your face how wrong you are once they got the chance, I am still not used to it. Should I perhaps adapt and be like them? Hmmmn, I think I should just change my perspective.

It's not a cross...

...it's actually a bowtie, the Chevrolet logo, that is.

Tonight we picked up our new baby, a Sports Series Aveo. I just love those sexy 16 inch tire rims! :D

Thank you so much to my hubby for making another dream of mine come true!

Remember four years ago, I thought that the chances of me having a car in Singapore was almost nil? Well, things can really suddenly change once you meet the right one ;-)

Although it was short, it was sweet

It lasted only for a few minutes but it was one of those brief moments of ecstasy...

My grip was not tight, it was just light and right...

I felt like i was floating in the clouds...

ahhhh....yessss....

Then I switched off the engine after parking the car. hehe. :P

It was my first time to drive in Singapore and I loved it!
Although it didn't last long and probably I had driven at most a kilometer, it all felt soooo nice and I know I want to do this again and again!

Thank you for the test drive, Chevrolet. hehehe. ;D

What A Week!

My dormant, predictable, routinary life suddenly shooted into a very much active, spontaneous mode last week. With starting a new job, hearing the news of the death of a loved one, a visit to the hospital to see another loved one who underwent a major surgery, confirming some news that I know I'd be envious of, flying to the Philippines over the weekend and seeing people I miss and confronting those I wish I could avoid, I could only think of one word to best describe all of these - overwhelming.

There was a great degree of play of emotions from happy to sad, scared to confident, angry to calm, notwithstanding the mental as well as physical impacts. But thankfully, I didn't get rattled and evenmore, it was the positive emotion that dominated.

This week, I am hoping that it would be more manageable and I'd be able to get adjusted to my new non-dormant routine. It is both exciting and challenging, I hope I'd get the hang of it.

I think I would. ;)

For Lola

Blessed be your soul

As you join the angels in heaven.

Thank you for all the love and care,

For all the memories we share.

I will remember you for your warm embrace,

I will remember you for how you kissed us with your face.

Your smile and your stories will forever be our grace.

Break-In

Today I wore my new high-heeled shoes and much as I hoped that this pair of shoes would not give me blisters on my feet, unfortunately, as like most of that type of shoe I've bought, it did.

But it did not matter, because I wore it this morning when I went out to sign an offer of employment. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, by next week I will start my new job. Yipee! :) (*dance of joy*)

That pair of shoes was actually something I bought for a job that I thought was for me last month but which I rejected because of a lot of bad surprises and ultimately an unacceptable contract clause which I believe was already bordering illegal. Clearly it wasn't meant for me because I was meant to have what I have prayed for.

Everything makes sense now, all that effort and waiting...it was all worth it. What I'm feeling right now is exactly how I imagined I'd feel -- like finding the key which would give way to opening more happiness in fulfilling more dreams. God has again shown me how things which are meant for me would happen at the right time. His way always amazes me, I can never guess how He would answer my prayers, but He does, just not in the way I thought I'd have it. I really have to remind myself that faith is about believing without asking how and when.

Thank You, Lord. I am so blessed. :)

My First Baking Adventure

I've always wanted to learn baking but I never got the chance to learn it at home when I was growing up. I don't even have a memory of my mother baking something. We had an electric stove with oven but which we stopped using since I was about seven years old I think. I clearly remember my mother telling us that it was shorted and she got electrecuted while using it. And that was the start of my subconscious fear of electric stoves and ovens. We never bought a new oven. But I've always been looking at baking stuff eversince, subconsciously longing to try to bake as well. I remember being excited during my teens when I saw an ad on TV about a chocolate cake that doesn't need baking but just needed to cool in the refrigerator. I wanted that. But well, I never got to try it because it never makes it to our grocery list.

Anyhow...today is the day I finally hugged baking hello :)

Ok, the blueberry muffins I baked were from an instant mix but still I am very proud of my achievement. It's the way to start, isn't it? It was so fun and relaxing to see the muffins puff out of the baking tray. And I really didn't expect that it was going to be this easy. I thought the challenge was to take out the muffins from the tray without crushing them (I didn't use paper baking cups) but surprise surprise, the muffins came out of the tray without almost an effort to pull them out. I am so happy with my non-stick baking tray, very good quality indeed, I didn't even have to put butter.

Or maybe because I had a good brand of batter mix? Thank you, Betty Crocker for making my first baking experience a success! :) The recipe and instructions were so easy to follow. The only challenge I had was to convert farenheit to celcius and to wipe off the blueberry extract on the sink (careful on the blueberries, they stain!) The tips on using low cholesterol, low fat ingredients were great. I used soy milk instead of normal milk and I used olive oil instead of a normal vegetable oil. Although I did a little tweak for my second batch of muffins because I noticed that the first batch were a bit toasted from the suggested temperature and duration.

first set, baked in 20 minutes at 200 degrees celcius

second set, baked in 16 minutes at 190 degrees celcius

Ahhh, I am so inspired that my next goal is to bake from scratch. Let's see if I could actually make my own batter. Perhaps I'm a natural baker? Hehehe ;p

I'm a Thunder Lizard!

Hear ye! Hear ye!

I just broke my record! Woohoo!

I discovered Dynomite eight years ago during my programmer days when I needed some form of amusement as I ate my packed lunch on my office desk. Then I forgot about it as I lived more of the real life instead of the virtual. Now that I have lots of time, it is great to rediscover it again. But I have to warn you that this is quite addictive so unless you have a strong self control and actually have spare time, do not try this! Hehehe.

Thank you Yahoo Games for this wonderful game which keeps me company and helps me pass time on these bumming days. My hubby is also now addicted to this game (uh-oh).

P.S. Don't tell me I didn't warn you that this is addictive. Seriously. Hehehe. ;p

Happy egg-smashing!

Chokos!

In my quest to cook tinola for my hubby, I tried to find the essential ingredient which is a green papaya or a sayote (chayote). I've observed that both are not commonly found in groceries and markets here in Singapore. In the first big grocery we went to, the best I could find was a ripe papaya. Then I went to a grocery near our place, hoping to find any of them. I found a green papaya alright (imported from the Philippines), but I had a feeling it is already ripe even if it is green outside. I was ready to get it anyway and I was also planning on getting an old cucumber as a supplement until finally, after a gazillion times of walking round and round the vegetable area, I found the sayote! And they're not called sayote here but chokos! Hehehe.

So there, ladies and gentlemen, I have successfully cooked tinolang manok (chicken tinola) which my hubby rated 10 out of 10. Yay! :)

Today's Lesson

~You have to walk into the desert to see the oasis.~

And that sometimes, you just have to step in to that door to find what you're looking for, because the outside doesn't speak for what's inside.

***

It was quite amusing what I have discovered and realized today. I don't know yet if what was shown to me today would be the one that's meant for me, but if not, then I am just glad that I gained something out of experiencing this from a good way. Atleast there's now a spark of light in the dark tunnel.

A Plea

Dearest Lord,

Please take away all the bitterness, angst and fear in my heart.
Please fill it up instead with hope, trust and peace.
May any doubts and regrets I have be erased.
May faith and strength instead be placed.
Please hold me to stop my restlessness,
Because I am very cold and scared.

Kiss The Cook

There is always a bright side to everything as they say and one of the good thing about being jobless is I get to cook for my hubby. Cooking is one of the things I love to do but which I have been rarely doing since it is quite convenient and cheap to eat out in Singapore (Did you know that I actually wanted to be a chef when I was young?) plus having a husband who cooks really, really well (cooking is his passion), I tend to just leave the cooking to him. But now's the opportunity for me to rekindle my cooking skills. I just love it when hubby gets home with a home cooked meal waiting for him and that look when he eats is very dear and worth all the effort. So far I have been cooking mostly Filipino dishes for him although I did have a try on some Western dishes. Here's some dishes that I have cooked for him:

• Fried Marinated chicken breast with pasta in pesto and mustard sauce
• Fetuccini mushroom carbonara (oh yeah baby ;)
• Pork topping in oyster sauce
• Squid Adobo (hubby's all time favorite)
• Long beans adobo (in Tagalog, Adobong sitaw)
• Menudo (ground pork in soy sauce with carrots, potatoes and raisins)

Haha, I know, it's not a lot. But this does not include those easy to cook things like fried eggs, bacon and canned goods. I am thinking of more dishes to cook, maybe I could even try some of the more complicated Filipino dishes like Kare-kare and embutido. Here's a few that I think I'd do next:

• Sinigang na Hipon
• Pork adobo
• Paksiw na isda
• Pinakbet Tagalog
• Tinolang manok
• Nilagang baka
• Sayote guisado (if i do find a sayote here)
• Pininyahang manok
• Tortang talong
• Munggo guisado
• Okoy

Any suggestions are also welcome :) I did not put the English translations on the above because hubby might be reading this and I don't want to spoil the surprise (Sweetie, if you're reading this, you are not allowed to ask your Pinoy friends for translation, ok? :P

Bloody rejected

The title of this entry is supposed to be "My first blood donation" but then after filling out a very comprehensive form and passing the medical screening, it was discovered that I am a mutant.

Waaah! The nurse could not see my veins on top of my elbows in both of my arms and she said my veins were too close to my bones and it would hurt. She advised me to do some weightlifting to help make my veins surface out.

Well, I shouldn't be that surprised, given that last year and 5 years ago, in different clinics, both nurses also couldn't find my vein and they ended up taking my blood sample from the back of my hand.

I asked the nurse in the blood donation to just get it from the back of my hand. She wouldn't hear of it. I guess it's because it would really hurt and would bruise. My hubby said they injected aneasthetics on his vein before pricking him with the big needle for getting 450ml of blood.

Sigh, so much for my attempt to do a noble deed. I feel so abnormal. But hubby said I should still feel good, because if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have thought of donating blood. He said he'll be donating for the two of us. Awwwww.

To Lighten Up Things

I'm highlighting two sequel movies I've watched lately which I didn't expect that I'd like but surprisingly I enjoyed watching them:

Iron Man 2

I was not expecting much on this movie since I did not at all like Iron Man 1 (it felt like the Iron Man 1 was pointless, the plot could've been squeezed into a half an hour scene). But like it was meant to be for me to watch this, I won two tickets to an advanced screening with free popcorn and drinks! (Thank you, Starhub!)

The movie was super cool! I loved the screenplay and the effects. The actors did great! My only regret is that we got out of the cinema without finishing the credits so we missed the hidden scene. I don't like it when they do that, especially when the credits are too long, we actually waited for a few minutes because we felt there might be somemore scene but we left when the credits seemed to take eternity to finish and the cinema lights were all switched on.

Ip Man 2
I also wasn't expecting much about this movie since I didn't watch Ip Man 1 and I thought I might not be able to understand this sequel. I also thought that this movie might be full of martial arts fight scenes which I don't really fancy watching so I was prepared to sit in the cinema and get bored. Although there was a little bit of curiosity inside me about this, because when Ip Man 1 was shown before, I actually thought it was a movie about internet technology, because I read it as I-P Man (I.P. as in internet protocol). I thought it was something about a man who did something about hacking IP addresses, hehe. Ok, I'm such a geek! :P

Anyway, I guess the trailer just misled me, because the movie had a very good plot about respect and dignity and not at all just a 100 minute exhibition of martial arts. Ip Man was actually a true story about Ip Man, a martial arts teacher and the master and inspiration of Bruce Lee.

Thanks to my hubby for making me watch this. It was a great discovery for me :)