Expected Acceleration?

I don't even know where to start. I am thousands of meters up in the sky, on my way back from a one week work assignment in Taipei to Singapore, my home for a little over 4 years now. I am thinking of writing about what has happened over the past few months - why I haven't been writing and why I may have seemed away from the virtual world. Let's see how far I could go, with less than an hour before touchdown.

I could actually summarize all the reasons into one sentence: I have been busy in love.

But of course I shouldn't stop my explanation with that because I don't want to make it look like I abandoned one of my greatest passions in life (that is, writing), just because I found the man of my dreams and I am building a new life. Yes, it has been a year of changes and adjustments now -- got engaged, got new friends, got a new job, got a new place,and getting a new marital status next month...it all came one after the other, practically changing my lifestyle and up to now I am still trying to catch up. Not that I'm saying it's been tough, because it has been happy, blissfully happy actually, but of course, with those occasional little rocks. Did I think I was not ready for this sudden fast turn of pages in my life? Hmmnn, I didn't think so. Just think about all those years that I had been feeling that void, that loneliness that I was trying hard not to let consume me. I knew things would change when I find the right man and I was anticipating that much.

Now my question is, have the people around me been ready for my change of life? I know they are all happy for me but I know that they had to adjust. I just hope that they understand and that they don't take it against me. When before I was just little miss single unattached supergirl that has lots of spare time, now I have to balance my time to all the roles I have, not forgetting to still have my own alone time. I wish I could extend time, but well, a day remains at 24 hours. But although my priorities have changed, I hope they know that I am still the same person. I still value them very much. And I am trying my best to catch up.

I Love Reader's Digest

Last week, I decided to subscribe to Reader's Digest and I received my first copy in the mail just a few days after (how efficient!) plus the free jewelry gift set which did not look as I have expected (not as nice as it was in the photo, hehe).

I grew up reading this magazine because we lived with my aunt who subscribed to it. I found Reader's Digest easy to read and very interesting. Even at a young age I already enjoyed reading inspirational stories. As I grew older, I noticed this fascination did not fade, and even got stronger, hence my love for motivational reads like that of Paulo Coelho's, Nicholas Sparks', Mitch Albom's and the likes.

A couple of weeks ago I attended a motivational seminar and it triggered something in me that I had put to sleep for a few months so I could go on with a more "normal" and "cool" life. It made me remember what I really want to do with my life, that which would really make me happy. I want to do inspirational things thru writing or thru flowers, or thru whatever I can. It awakened back the introvert in me, oh no, not the introvert who writes technology programs and resolve software problems, but the one who thinks of how to touch person's lives.

Then last week I started reading a book which was a collection of stories from Reader's Digest. I learned there how Reader's Digest was founded by husband and wife, William Roy DeWitt Wallace and Lila Acheson, because they wanted to publish a collection of inspirational stories. This made me fall in love more with this magazine and made me go online that night and purchase that subscription. When I got my first copy, I have been reading it page by page. Even the ads put on the effort to make a little senseful article and not just those commercialized ads we see now usually. I even learned that Reader's Digest doesn't publish tobacco and liquor ads! I really, really heart them! A magazine with principles. My hubby-to-be loved the magazine too.

I wish I could do something like what William and Lila did in Reader's Digest. I want to do something that could make a difference to the world too, something that would give hope and inspiration. You know what I'm thinking of right now? I'm thinking how can I actually make it to Reader's Digest staff...I would really love to be a writer/researcher/reporter for this magazine!

Bad dream + Bad shoes = Bad day

It is one of those bad days when you wake up from a terrible dream, when you try to wear your pants that used to fit your waistline and see that now you havethat very ugly belly literally bulging out and it is not because you're pregnant, and as you walk going to work and your feet are killing you, you realize why you've stopped wearing the shoes you decided to wear again today. And as you sit at your office desk, you can't wait for the day to end.

Don't get me wrong. It has been very blissful, life that is.I know it is a bit unfair that I haven't been writing much about the happy times, and yet when I'm sad, here I am suddenly blabbering as much as I can.

But just that sometimes, something happens that reminds you to check if you still have some pride and check if you can still toughen up and live your own life. It is your wayof fighting off the insecurities that start to creep up on you on these vulnurable times.

And you feel really, really ugly :(

I need lots of positive energy, big time.

A Lazy Bum in Guam

I am currently in Guam, an island in the Pacific (part of the Marianas group of islands), and which is also a territory of the United States of America. I am here visiting my little sister for a week.

Here are some pics of our adventures so far:

Day 1 - none because I spent the whole day bumming at home, hehehe

Day 2 - http://www.flickr.com/photos/iamkayan/sets/72157617060656099

Day 3 & 4 - http://www.flickr.com/photos/iamkayan/sets/72157617217746076

I am the real winner! :D

This really made my day! Thank you, Capt. Marvel! :D

6AM Thoughts

What could make you wide awake at 4 in the morning and be still so at 6?

A nightmare. A very terrible, terrible nightmare that you never want to happen ever but it felt so real so you get so disoriented.

And a tummyache too. I guess the lychee martini drink for ladies night wasn't as diluted as I thought after all, or maybe it was the tonic water that nailed it...

Whatever.

Blah.

***

Thank God for a sister who lives at the other side of the world who's got an opposite time zone and you could call to talk to at that moment.

The Non-Valid Thoughts

There are times when your insecurities will try to creep in, filling your mind with thoughts that you know you shouldn't have.

Then you start being irrational and unfair. You start asking questions that have no right answers, you start to question the past. You start to ask for more than what you have, when all along you already have all that you need. It makes you want to look for a ghost that isn't dead, but all the while hoping that you wouldn't find it because you wanted it to remain dead.

Then you doubt yourself. You scare yourself with what ifs and why nots. You prepare yourself for a battle with your imagination. You think that time is still not on your side. For now it is but just acceptance -- that sometimes you get a name that is not yours.

But all these shall pass, because you know yourself and because you know that no matter what, you have a good heart.