Friday, September 28, 2007

Mother Packer




I am not a good packer. I just can't seem to be patient enough or rather I'm not meticulous enough to make my things neatly arranged in my bag(s). We know that the way you arrange things in your bag is essential in placing your things in the correct way, meaning, you avoid any broken things, leaking lotions, shampoos and other liquid stuff, and most of all, maximing the space. But really, I just do not enjoy packing. I like the idea of packing because it means I will be on travel (and I loooooove to travel). However, I tell you that for me, packing and traveling are two separate things!!!

My mother, on the other hand, is a very good packer. Really, she is amazing with packing stuff, she is so patient with fitting things and it just seems natural for her to stuff things together like perfectly stacked pieces of a 3D puzzle. I'm not kidding! You should see her do it, I'm sure you will be amazed too. But it is not a wonder that she has this skill, as I think she has inherited this from her father. I had always enjoyed watching my grandpa stuff things in the trunk of the car when I was a child. He could put everything there in amazing order: bags, bottles of vinegar, extra gasoline, and a sack of rice altogether.

Anyway, I've just finished packing my stuff. I actually started packing last Monday and I think finally I am seeing some improvements with my packing skill. I am a little proud of how my things are neatly arranged in my little red luggage which is just cabin size (but which I always check in) and my little purple backpack for my carry-on. Would you believe I was able to fit 9 outfits, 2 pairs of shoes, electronic thingys, my toiletries, and everything else for my 9-day vacation. Woohoo!!! :) *bow* (may i just say though that a big trick that I discovered about it is that the materials of the clothes matter a lot! Since it is spring to where I'm going to, I didn't have to bring thick clothes, hehehe *wink*wink ;)


Okidoki, it's time to go to the airport....the coffee fairy is off to another adventure!!! woot! woot!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Fishbowl or ocean?

When I was a child, my maternal grandfather would usually take me and my sisters to the countryside to spend summer vacation with them, usually for a couple of weeks or so. I liked going to the province with them, I enjoyed the time playing with my sisters and cousins. But there was this certain feeling I felt during the night, when we've had dinner and we were just inside the house and not allowed to go out anymore. We'd stay in the living room and let a couple of hours to pass by before going to bed. We watched television, usually the night news that my grandpa watched. Then that feeling will hit me, the feeling of missing home, of missing my parents, of missing the noisy streets, of missing my little bed at the corner of the room I share with my sisters.

Tonight as I watched television, that familiar feeling came creeping up to me. Yes, I have been getting homesick the past few days. I don't want to go to work, it does not make sense. I just want to go home and be with my family, speak my native language, see my friends, see the familiar streets I grew up to, eat street foods and homecooked foods.

I am surprised I am feeling like this, missing home so much that I am even considering going home for good. Amazing that now it is one of the options I am considering...although I don't really know...where should I really be?

It's been almost a year since I pondered about which was better, being in a fishbowl or in a vast ocean. Why am I still asking the same question up to now?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

It's crazy lah!

This afternoon I was at my desk in the office, staring blankly at my computer screen and muttering (more of groaning actually) to myself aloud:
"I'm going to be homeless..."

My French colleague who was seated at the desk across mine answered:
"Me too."

I thought he was just being sympathetic so I said:
"Huh? My rent is increasing 100% ! "

He answered:
"Mine by 280%! "


Ooops, I rest my case.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the percentage you are seeing are not exaggerations but are actual rates of the increase in the rent of apartments here in Singapore. And it is not just happening in the city prime areas but all over the country. Crazy, isn't it? The rent here is already expensive to begin with so imagine increasing it more to 100%. Some studies say that cost of living here now is even more expensive than New York City. Tsk tsk tsk.

It's like driving you away from Singapore...

Driving me away...

Hmmm....

Is this a sign?

Monday, September 10, 2007

Yahoo dedma

I guess even my yahoo avatar got tired and called it quits. Eversince I changed my Yahoo avatar to this seemed to be lost in the subway girl some months ago, it has stopped having emotions. You know, when you chat on yahoo messenger, the avatar is supposed to change emotions -- when you type hahaha or put a happy smiley, the avatar is supposed to laugh and similarly when you type huhuhu or put a sad smiley, the avatar is supposed to frown. But mine just stopped changing emotions. It just remained with that blank look no matter how many hahahas or huhuhus I type, it was just purely indifferent. Dedma.

So I thought I'd change it, change the outift and background and save it then itwould be back to the normally emotion changing capable avatar. But noooo!!! It still wouldn't smile.

Finally, I've had enough and I just selected and set it to very happy mode to keep my avatar continuously jolly. Talk about forcing happiness...

Reminds me what I've been doing at work lately after telling myself that I shouldn't let it affect my emotions (that is, I have restrained from being saddened/frustrated by unfavorable happenings nor be excited/motivated by empty hopes) -- I plaster this ready smile on my face even if inside I'm just feeling...nothing. I feel bad for doing this, because I want to mean it when I smile but it is very hard because it should come from the heart, but the heart is currently under retreat.

Oh well, I am being nonsensical again. I just wish I live in the 19th century as a European aristocrat, all I need to think about is how to look prim, proper and pretty (where beauty is about having more cloth to dress the flesh unlike today where it's the other way around) and I don't need to worry about being single because for sure by age 20 I'd be married during this era and atleast during this time men were still majorly composed of gentlemen. There was no quarter life crisis and complications, life was simple.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Missing

Since it seems like I'm the only chili left who has yet to do this...

Directions:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
--> Least Complicated by Indigo Girls (according to the song "the hardest to learn is the least complicated")

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
--> So I by Guy Sebastian

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
--> Change the World by MYMP (hmm, this is seriously true :)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
--> Time after Time by Eva Cassidy (ooohhh, dramatic eh?)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
--> Bluer than Blue by Michael Johnson (aww that's so sad! maybe it means I'm blueming? wehehe :P)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
--> 10 by Mojofly (hehe, no title, just song number)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
--> Love Me for a Reason by Boyzone (aww, hindi nyo raw ako love talaga? :( )

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
--> Fighting Over Me by Paris Hilton (wish ko lang! haha

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK ABOUT YOU?
--> Deja Vu by Beyonce featuring Jay-Z (uh-oh...)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
--> Sexual Revolution by Macy Gray (oo nga naman, may nadagdag daw eh! bwahahaha! :P )

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
--> Nawawala Bumabalik by Gary Valenciano (uy moomoo ba itu? hehe, not true at all)

WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR WEDDING?
--> One Thing by Amerie

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
--> Anxiety by Black Eyed Peas (ahahaha, true!)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
--> Waiting for a Girl Like You by Cobra Verde (hehe, she would be one scary girl indeed!)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
--> Stick Around by Azure

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
--> If I Were You by Tamia

WHAT WOULD YOU BRING ON A DESERT ISLAND?
--> Through The Rain by Nina (haha, labo, kailangan nga ng ulan sa desert e)

WHAT IS YOUR PET HATE?
--> Please Don't Forget About Me by Ruff Endz

IF YOU COULD CHANGE THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
--> Strangers in the Night by Frank Sinatra (haha, promote flirting?)

HOW ARE YOU FEELING AT THE MOMENT?
--> Waiting for That Day by George Michael

DO YOU HATE ANYONE?
--> Road Block by RikRok & Shaggy (true, its a Road block to hate someone)

DOES ANYONE HATE YOU?
--> Overjoyed by Anna Caram (huh? overjoyed with hate? :P)

BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP, WHO/WHAT DO YOU THINK OF?
--> Mr. Jones by Counting Crows (aha! but why am I looking for Mr. Right instead? :P)

I AM...?
--> Lips Like Sugar by Seal (o ha! wanna prove/disprove it? haha :P)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
--> Missing by Evanescense

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Going to the gym keeps me fit

Monday - I went to work carrying my bag with my gym clothes and shoes to go to the gym after office hours.

Question by 6pm: Gym or food?
Answer by 7pm at the Foodjunction: "Auntie, one carrot cake*, eating here ah. Xie xie" and after a few minutes, "Auntie one popiah**, eating here ah. Xie xie".


Tuesday - I went to work carrying my bag with my gym clothes and shoes to go to the gym after office hours.

Question by 6pm: Gym or tennis?
Answer by 8pm at the tennis court: "Come on, hit me with your best shot" (me saying in my mind as I waited for my 10 year old neighbor for her return hit :D ).


Wednesday - I went to work carrying my bag with my gym clothes and shoes to go to the gym after office hours.

Question by 6pm: Gym or mall?
Answer by 7pm at a gift store: "Hi, I'm looking for an elephant..."




See? Going to the gym keeps me fit -- imagine how much effort it is to carry my gym stuff! mwehehehe :P


~~~~~~

*Carrot cake - Singapore local food which is not a cake but actually a yam omelette
**Popiah - fresh spring roll which is another Singapore local food

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Confessions of a drama diva (the not so light version)

At the start of August
It's been two days this week now that I am having a bad hair day but I'm not that annoyed like I would be if I were the me a few weeks ago, and I am happy that I am reacting this way. If I were, I would have dashed to the salon and do something to my hair out of impulse but now I'm just smiling it all away even if my hair strands are either curling or stretching in different directions that I look like I have not discovered the use of a comb. I know the right time to go to the salon will come, I just need to be patient to be able to keep on with my budget planning.
The month of July has been crazy that yeah, I've awaken a side of me that had been sleeping for quite some time - the restless, anxious and pessimistic me. I was panicking because I was feeling that things were going out of my control, things were not happening as how I hoped it would be. I took my job too personally, thinking that I could focus on it to divert myself from thinking about my personal problems. And when things got rough at work, I got tired of becoming considerate and I declared that it was not acceptable. I resisted everything that was happening instead of letting it flow. I wanted to get out, and when I realized I had no escape I got drained. So it got too painful for me, really painful that I mashed things, I didn't know then if it was my personal issues that affected my work attitude or it was the other way around, all I knew then was that I needed some appreciation and even just attention. I got tired of facing life's trials by myself. I got tired of facing life's injustices. I got tired of exerting effort to go after my dreams. Instead, I ranted and asked why couldn't I just be lucky like some people? I questioned the things I could not change in my life. I got to my saturation point. I snapped. I cried. It was difficult to breathe.

At the start of September
It's been three days now that I have been having good hair days. The right time I have been waiting has finally come that I had a budget for my hair.
It's was such an emotional see-saw I've been through for the past few months at work. I tried my best to bounce back whenever something at work puts me down but it was too much for me. At the start of August I thought I was finally able to regain my composure but I don't understand why so many unfortunate things happened in such short intervals that I got really, really rattled as never in my professional life have I experienced breaking down before. My job per se is not hard, it is the incidentals that actually that make it very hard -- the politics, the cultural differences, the language barrier. I don't even know how I could explain it clearly to anyone, but oftentimes I just wish someone could step into my shoes for some time to assess if I'm just being too emotional or I am being objective. But anyhow, maybe it was my way of self destructing my career because I came to the point that I got tired of hearing people tell me "ok lang yan, mayaman ka na naman" (it's ok, you're getting richer anyway") when I tell them I have my sad moments here in Singapore. Then perhaps it was also my way of self defense, after convincing myself that I should not take my good career against me because it is my blessing, I may have taken my job too seriously and got obsessed on taking control of it.
Many times I have felt God's intercession in my life, many times I have proven that God gives the desires of your heart in the right time. That is why for all these struggles and trials I have been facing these months, I know that God is telling me something, I do not think it is not merely coincidental for some things to happen when I feel like He is playing tricks on me. But what it is, I could not understand and I think that is what is making me very restless. The series of the circumstances does not make it clear what is the direction I should go. I want to ask God which road is it as I am confused. Why is my faith so weak? I should just trust Him and let go from holding on to my fears which is actually making me feel like I'm hanging.
I think I am at another turning point in my life and the turn of the road could be sharp that there is a blind curve that I was resisting to accept that I will not be able to see. However, faith is about believing that there is a beautiful road awaiting amidst all the rocky path along the way, belief without asking how, why or when but just trusting that I am walking hand in hand with the divine guide.


Everything will fall down into place...at the right time.
Just believe and breathe...

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Confessions of a drama diva (the light version)

Scene 1
One of my favorite places in Singapore is that part of the river in the Central Business District that is overlooking the old Parliament building and Victoria theatre. There are nice benches there you could sit and just look at the river. I go there sometimes during my lunchbreak, I eat this sausage in a bun that I buy in one stall selling along the streets. It was one of those days that I felt the need to be alone and breathe from work so I marched with my food, sat on a bench and was decided I would make this picture of a dainty lady, sitting alone on a bench, eating her lunch and reading a book, and hoping that a gentleman approaches her to share the seat with her, they will exchange hellos, look into each other's eyes, and they will talk and talk and would not notice time passing by...
Ok, so I found a bench, sat on it and endured the heat of the bench that felt a bit like burning my bum (it was noon and the sun was up!). But not long after I took out my food and opened my book did two women approached my bench and comfortably sat at the open part of the bench I am sitting onto. I wanted to say, hello? excuse me but I am saving this seat for my Mr. Right...but of course I didn't, even if in my mind I didn't know why in the world they chose to sit on my bench when there were other benches that were entirely empty. All I could do was to give them a courteous smile. But wait there's more -- they took out their lunches out oftheir lunch boxes and happily munched and chatted away. Grrreat! A picnic! So much for the dramatic woman reading a book :( So fine, I gave up on that but I quickly had another attempt to do my stunt. After hurriedly eating my sandwich, I strutted along the restaurants heading for the coffee shop at the end of the walkway before the bridge. I could have coffee and that would make it more dramatic -- coffee while reading a book...perfect! When I got there though, half of the coffee shop was under construction, so it made it look like a deserted place as there were just a few people. But I insisted, and instead of getting a hot coffee, I decided to get a frappe since I would be sitting outdoors and it was quite humid. Oh yeah, I'm not a quitter. So finally, I got my frappe', got me a table and started reading my book. I've only managed to read a few pages when I started to notice that the sky was becoming dark. I tried to ignore it and continued reading my book, but my rational mind was telling me that knowing how the weather in Singapore can drastically change within minutes, I better admit that I was foreseeing heavy rains pouring down soon. Finally, I couldn't stand my instinct any longer, I packed up and headed back to office. True enough, while I was walking back it started to drizzle and a few minutes more the rain poured heavily, just in time when I made a few running strides (I was wearing high heeled shoes!) until making it to the covered area where I conveniently went inside the MRT tunnel that links the buildings underground and made it possible for me to walk back to my office without getting soaked.

Scene 2
It was another bad day at work. It was Friday and I decided that I would turn down any Friday night invitation from my friends if ever, buy some comfort food, go home, lock myself in my room, cry while watching my A Walk to Remember vcd then pig out. So at 6pm sharp I ran out of office, took the train going home, bought a 2-piece chicken meal at KFC, with side salad and cheese fries at the mall near our condo and walked home, and in a record breaking less than an hour spent I already was standing outside our condo gates when I realized after funneling into my bag for a thousand times, that I forgot my house keys inside my room!!! Arrrghhh! Whatta luck!!! I called my housemates, hoping that one of them would be on their way home, but as I have expected they were still in office and would not be home for more than an hour. So I had no choice but to pass time and I decided I'd just go back to the mall and watch a movie. When I got to the cinema though, of all the timings that would fit, it was the movie Rush Hour 3 that was available. Arrrghh! Was this some kind of joke? That movie was the last movie I wanted to see that day as it reminded me of a place which made me feel drained with all my patience and hope of warmth from the people in that posh and popular country. But I had no choice, I bought the ticket, ate my KFC at the side walkway of the mall and waited for the start of the movie. In fairness though, I did laugh while watching the movie, although to be honest it's something that you could afford to miss in the theatres.

Lesson of the stories: Wag na kasing magdrama-drama. =/ (Don't be such a drama queen).