Feast of Love

After more than two months since we last saw each other, I was so glad to have a date again with my very good friend Maia who is now back in Singapore (hooray!) after some few months' stint in HK. I proposed a movie date and selected this movie called Feast of Love, because it fit with our schedule. Although I did have been eyeing this movie before, because it seemed interesting but then again I had hesitations because I was thinking it might be a heavy drama type of movie or if not, it might be some cheesy movie about love. Anyways, I wasn't expecting much from this movie but I did tell Maia it should be some kind of quality movie since Morgan Freeman is there.

Ok, so off we went inside the cinema without expecting too much but then again after seeing it was R21 as we were entering the cinema, our curiosity was awakened.

So it was indeed a drama movie but not something heavy and it was indeed a movie about love but nothing cheesy at all. I think it was what made it beautiful, it was just enough to touch your emotions but not disturb you, it was just enough to make you believe in love and romance but not to convince you that love is a fairytale. This movie showed love in an honest perspective, for today's time so it showed reality in a light and hopeful side.

I would have to commend the screenplay writer, Allison Burnett, because from start until the end, the lines were just amazing. It was like I could quote every dialogue. The script was so perfect that I was holding on to each character's every word. I would also have to give credit to Charles Baxter, the the writer of the book "The Feast of Love" where the screenplay was based from. I actually found a piece of myself in each of the characters. The actors were good of course, I think they all were perfect for their roles. A movie where Morgan Freeman is included is indeed a good basis of the quality of a good movie. And of course, kudos to the movie director, Robert Benton, for this masterpiece.

When the movie ended, the cinema lights were switched on a bit immediately, without giving the audience some time to recover and dab our tears dry. Maia and I laughed at the sight of each other trying to stop ourselves from crying.

***

Some of the lines that really struck me:

Harry Stevenson: "There is a story about the Greek Gods; they were bored so they invented human beings, but they were still bored so they invented love, then they weren't bored any longer. So they decided to try love for themselves. And finally, they invented laughter, so they could stand it."

***

Harry Stevenson: "Sometimes, you don't know you've crossed the line until you're already on the other side."

***

Harry Stevenson (pertaining to all the unfortunate circumstances that has happened):"God is either dead or He despises us,"

Bradley Thomas:"God doesn't hate us, if He did, he wouldn't have made our hearts so brave."

***

Photo taken from the Feast of Love official site: http://www.feastoflovefilm.com/

The coffeefairy's mental notes: I need to have a copy of this book and a CD of the soundtrack.

Sundown

There is one time of the day that I dread most waking up to: during sunset. I feel so sad and scared when I open my eyes and see it is almost dark. That's why I don't really like to take afternoon naps, besides the fact that it will keep me awake the whole evening. I've been thinking why I feel this way about it, and I think it is because usually when I wake up at this time most people at home would be up and about, maybe already eating dinner, or at the living room watching TV, while I am all alone feeling left out. Back home in the Philippines, or when in California, this feeling does not stay long, because all I have to do is get up and go out of my room and join my family. Then I'll be happy and fine.

Yesterday, I slept at 6pm, one hour before the sun goes down. It was not a deep sleep, as after some hours or so, I felt I was starting to wake up. I think I tried to open my eyes and when I saw it was dark, I immediately tightly closed my eyes again. I didn't want to wake up, not yet, not at that time. Then I started to feel that dreaded feeling again. But this time it was more intense, I was more scared, because I could feel how alone I was. I have no family that I could join in the living room.Then I start to think how sad my life is, that even my only recourse of going online to talk to my family and friends who mightbe online or suf the internet to keep me occupied has been taken away from me (my laptop crashed and would not start up anymore last Saturday). I started to think how pathetic I was, crying over at the bus stop outside HP's service center after I brought my laptop in for repair and realized how stupid and unfortunate I am. Being in the Information Technology, I should have known better and should have had a back up of my files. Then I think about my career, which is now as unclear as my lovelife. I started to think how nothing in my life is in order. There could have not been any better symbolism of a life crashing with my laptop that crashed.

I had to fight off these thoughts of course, so I went back to sleep, a shallow but very long sleep. I made it through the night, thankfully. But I wonder how much more I can bear this...

If only innocence can stay

It would be just this simple.

My Dears

Dear you,

For some time I had forgotten how it felt like to have butterflies in my stomach, that highschoolish feeling of being both nervous and excited at the same time. When I met you on a very special day, thru the magical language of rhythm, you made me forget that I was jaded.

So I liked you. And that's the sad thing about it. Because liking you has become the end instead of a beginning. We had chemistry, we enjoyed each other's company, even in just that very short time. But I could not comprehend what is it in your mind. I do not know who am I to you, I don't even know if you count me as a friend. Perhaps it was a cultural gap or the difference of our years, but whatever it was I just didn't want to remember you in a negative way, as at least I could try to keep you as a friend. That's why I let it pass, even when you made me a friend without a name, when a special moment just became simply a dinner at pizza hut. And just when I have finally got the courage to forget you and accept that you were just a moment, you suddenly appeared and tried to shake my world again. I gave it one more chance, I thought maybe this time you will let me understand you, even just as a friend. But still it was like the same as before and I cannot afford to endure any more confusion from trying to decipher your mystery. Maybe to you I was just part of your memory of Asia, a souvenir of your round the world adventure, to keep a link of your past. But I cannot let you do that, for I am also a present and a future, my friendship knows no distance nor time.

I wish I could actually say this to you but as like before, I will just end this in silence although with some littlest hope that maybe you will break the silence when you are ready to open up.

Dear fate,

Stop playing tricks on me! Pikon na ko eh.

I love being a travbuddy!

You can really find sincerely nice and friendly people here: www.travbuddy.com

This entry is not supposed to be like this

To begin with, the title should have been Gong Xi Fa Cai since today is the eve of Chinese New Year and I wanted to write something happy and light that commemorates this event. Like how I enjoy having the food bazaars all around Singapore during these times and how I am amused with all the real little ponkan fruits used as decors at the lobby or door entrances of offices here. I would also have wanted to write about being scared with the chinese dragon, especially when it does the dragon dance. I would have wanted to write something light, like how I am tryingto be just cheerful and just take things one day at a time. I would have been saying carpe diem, seize the day.

But instead here I am wanting to shout c'est la merde. All because of my career. I have been so patient and tolerant of all the challenges I have encountered, of all the surprises I have encountered: my baptismal by fire when my mentor suddenly quit barely two months when I joined the company, leaving me all alone to handle all the work in Asia; when 6 months after that my supervisor suddenly told me he would be transferred to another department and will be replaced by a new hiree, leaving me the primary manager for another major domain and managing myself for almost half a year; and barely 6 months after that, I just read from my email during my vacation in December that my most senior teammate was transferring to another department, leaving me again with of course, added responsibilities. I don't understand it anymore, how come everyone else can just move so suddenly and yet when now that I request to be moved just to another office they could not even give me a straight answer? To think that my request is not even demanding, evenso, there is a vacancy to that position I am asking and I am willing to wait for a year or 18 months as I was told. They say I am important to the company and they don't want me to go and yet I do not comprehend why they are doing this to me. How do they expect me not to worry about not getting my request when I do not even have the slightest assurance? How do they expect me to be optimistic when I told myself that if they made that one specific move now that I have expressed my intentions leading to my request it would be the ultimate indication that I am just holding on to an empty hope. How could I stop crying when it hurts, really hurts? I feel so cheated, so cheated from being taken away from a dream, from the life I so much wanted, from the warmth of the love I so much long for.

It is not fair, when I should be getting very excited about taking my flight tonight going back to my homeland for this long weekend, here I am ranting and crying instead. This is not fair, this is not at all fair.

Storytelling rediscovered

I rarely watch TV and I am not really into knowing what's the latest model of mobile phones but on this one time that I happen to watch TV, I was really awed by this Nokia N82 ad that it caught my full attention, like I was caught under a spell. It is so beautiful in everything -- the concept, the music, the enchanting words and voice of the narration, and how the words were shown in graphics, it is just truly amazing. This is one of the most beautiful illustrations of the harmonious mix of art, literature and technology, simple but surreal, I love it!