Please mind the platform gap

Next stop...Changi

This airport has become like a usual hangout for me already, with the number of times I've been there to either pick up someone, send someone off or I myself am arriving/departing in this country. But every moment was different for me, special in each way and it makes me love this airport more and more each time. Last Tuesday, Feb 21st, I went there to meet my friend from highschool. It was amazing that the feeling of anticipation to see an old friend was there. And when we finally met at the arrival area, it was like back to the old days in highschool when we were close friends. He gave me a warm hug and it felt really good as I felt the sincerity of his being. It's been three years since we last saw each other but surprisingly no awkwardness, and on the contrary, it seemed like we were even more comfortable with each other now than three years back. Maybe because he's changed and I've changed, maybe because we have matured.

Next stop...Orchard

I brought him straight from the airport to Orchard road, the famous shopping road haven. We had dinner there and I had my first taste of century egg (ulk!). The following morning I accompanied him at the same road, to where the Thai Embassy was.

Next stop...Choa Chu Kang

I decided I'd take the day off from work as we finished his VISA application in less than an hour in the Thai Embassy and we had the whole afternoon to spend. So we went back first to the area where I live and to a nearby clinic where I had to consult the doctor to get a medical certificate for skipping work that day. I told the doctor I had diarrhea, the doctor asked me if I ate something that might have disrupted my stomach. I answered I had century egg last night, it was the first thing that came into my mind. The doctor smiled like she was suppressing her laughter. I told my friend what happened and he laughed at my century egg excuse too. It was indeed a funny excuse as he is also a doctor. He passed the medical board exams last year (wuhu! applause! applause!). I think his diagnosis to me would not be diarrhea but halucination. Hehehe.

Next stop...Bukit Gombak

After a heavy Hokkien Mee lunch, I took him to my recluse. It was my sudden decision to alight on that station and show him my "secret" place. It was a place that I share to people close to my heart and I was praying and hoping he'd appreciate the place as I don't bring just anyone there. He liked it so much. I'm glad (whew!). Then we went to the church on the hill where we made a quick prayer. I remember we went to church too before we headed out for coffee three years ago. Thank you, Lord for these moments.

Next stop...Harbourfront

I brought him next to Sentosa. The usual route - cable car, Mt. Faber, Siloso beach, Merlion, and musical fountain. How many times have I done the same route now? Three? Four? But nevertheless, every time it was still a new experience. I still enjoyed every moment of it.

Next stop...Raffles Place

We met and went with our other highschool batchmates who are also working here and what a great time we had. It was so nice to talk about highschool times, and so funny to reveal each one's "tampo" to another batchmate or how I admitted I had this major crush on another batchmate back then. I saw how much he enjoyed our mini reunion and I'm glad that he had a great time in his short stay here.

Next stop...Dover

It was too bad I couldn't go with him to the airport on his departure day as I had to go to work, but nevertheless, I was happy enough that as we said our goodbyes he gave me that warm hug again, right there in the train station. But strangely enough, I felt that as we went our separate ways, our goodbyes actually meant see you later.

Next stop...Bangkok ;-)

Playback

Pause...

I had this dream.
That I was in a place where time stopped and logic did not exist.
Where scenes were snapshots collated together to form a picture perfect thing called life.
I walked on the shore and stood in the rain.
My hair let down and the wind blew on them gently.
I spoke my mind aloud no matter how absurd.
Laughed and talked with strangers without inhibitions.
Sung out to my heart's content.
I could say which was the most romantic place in the world.
But it was just a dream!
An illusion!
And when you wake up and go on, the familiarity fades.
Until you only remember vague bits and pieces of that dream.
And reality sinks in.
That I live in this dimension and not in a dream.
Though I still interfere my destiny by holding on to something tangible.
To which I cherish but at the same time dismiss.
Sometimes I test chance but I conclude it as pointless.
As a temporary feeling can be substituted by devouring chocolates...
However, no magic tricks are allowed anymore.
There is no more tolerance for confusion.
The heart is tired of abnormal beats.
I am going back and will remain in a trance of indifference.
But I am still me.
So I still say thank you for everything.

...Resume

Let me take my walk from here, please.

Please? =(

Happy Hearts' Day!

Highlights of the day:

• Curled my hair and wore cheerleader skirt
• Updated my Yahoo Avatar with heart emitting clouds as background and with cupid flying around and his arrow missing my avatar
• Spent first half of the day at Raffles hotel where I:
  ~Learned something about database performance monitoring and SQL tuning by Quest Software
  ~Had 2 cups of brewed coffee and 1 cup of English tea
  ~Had a sumptuous lunch buffet (seafood in chardonnay sauce was superb!)
  ~Had to remind myself to remember fine dining table manners when I took the table napkin and fork on my right instead of my left which was the correct set.
• Closed a service request that has been haunting me for months now (hallelujiah!)
• Went on a date with Bitter Ocampo (thanks Nina! ^-^ )

Quitting catechism class

A paperbag full of journals laid on the chair beside her. A plate of kway teow laid in front of her.

Chopsticks in hand, she started to eat her lunch at past 1pm like a zombie. Lots of thoughts and questions playing in her mind.

I was late today for Catechism class because I had to accompany my sister to the airport before going to church. My usual class schedule was: first 45 minutes was the lesson, the next 1hr 15 minutes we hear mass together with the students, then the last 30 minutes was for sharing session and journal writing.
I missed the first part of class and was late for mass as well. During mass my mind was contemplating on so many things bothering me now and how I could take away these burden. Part of it was catechism class -- it was a commitment that I think I could not handle. I feel incompetent as a catechist, because I cannot handle the adoloscents, they are so much of a challenge. I could not handle the responsibility of teaching them how to be spiritual and respectful, it was just too much for me. Last year when I was assigned to the Primary 3 students, just as an assistant, I was already intimidated by the children. So just imagine the intimidation of handling these young adults, very agressive young people from a different culture. It is like begging for respect, survival of the fittest, and I don't know how to move, I am always cautious as there is cultural difference.

How can I share my reflections if I could not even express myself? How can I teach them to commit, when I myself couldn't? I want to proudly say I am a Catechist because I deserve it, not for the sake of trying to impress people. It is also such a big bother to me to see people pretending to be servants of God, it disturbs me how they could wear the holy robe, be part of the celebration and yet transform completely once they take off the robe. So there I was, praying to God and asking for His consent for me to quit Catechism class.
When I proceeded to the last part of class after mass, our head catechist approached me. I think my actions that I am losing interest in the class were too obvious and she had a good feeling I would be quitting. She straightforwardly ask me if I was having a hard time in class, and I told her honestly that I did have a hard time handling the secondary students. She also told me I should've not missed yesterday's seminar on classroom management and that it would've helped a lot. Anyway, in short she told me not to leave her as she cannot afford another Catechist quit. We started with 4 of us teachers, and today there was only the two of us. There were more than 50 students.
How could I say no to that? Although I know that she was asking me to stay not because I was a competent Catechist but because she has no choice, I gave her my assurance. I think it was God's answer, He didn't want me to quit, He wants me to face this challenge.

A paperbag full of journals now lies beside her bed. Starting tomorrow, she will read them. Although still with reservations, she will try to start the week with hope. She silently recites one of her favorite quotes,

"The Christian life is a series of beginnings..."

God bless tomorrow and the coming days.

Kumunoy

Kumunoy - (noun) Tagalog word for quicksand.

I don't like quicksands. It is scary. It is one of the reasons I have not had the courage to finish Super Mario 3.

Quicksands are usually also in deserts, the Egyptian ambiance, another thing that gives me the creeps.

I got a very good advice from my sis, and that is for me to be careful and stay away from kumunoys.

Some people can be quicksands waiting for you to pull you down. She has a very good point, although of course there is this super hero side of me again who is trying to argue it - like trying to make a difference and save those people that has become kumunoys instead.

But then again, the reality is, I am just as vulnerable as anyone so I better take her advice.

Plangak!

Ever had those 'plangak' moments?

You know, like...

~you sit side by side on the beach, close your eyes and feel the wind on your face and say "isn't this relaxing?", then he says something like, "the sun is the center of the solar system..."
--> PLANGAK! :-s

~you talk about excitedly upon knowing he's also read a book you like and you say "I love the book! Its message was so perceptive and profound.." then he says something like, "who let the dogs out? (who! who!)"
-->PLANGAK! :-s

Face it dearie, if all you have are 'plangak' moments with him, then admit there is no chemistry, no sparks, no nothing. I'm not even sure you can be buddies at the least. You have to be on the same wavelength to understand and appreciate each other, moreso, have a conversation in the first place. It should be naturally light so if you feel there is too much effort, don't push it, let go.

yea, sad, I know. =(

Distorting distorted distortions

yes, some people can do that -- distort my already distorted distortions in life.

and i wonder how do they do it and how can they do it in the first place?

it is not at all healthy, it is confusing further my already mad mind...

and i also wonder if i am doing the same thing to anyone?

i definitely hope not..but in case i do, then i am not intentionally doing it.

but well i know it was also my fault, that in some way i could have prevented these distortions,because i do my choices, and even from that point i already know that there were consequences from these choices...

just like when i chose to ride that bus that night or when i chose to buy a bottle of tequila, i knew it was a point of no return...

hmm, maybe i am overanalyzing things again...not good, not good. tsk tsk tsk....

i should remember that some things are just merely a hat, and not a boa constrictor digesting an elephant...and although i want to beThe Little Prince's rose in his planet, maybe i just have to admit that i am just one of the roses in the bushes he saw on earth...but then again, it can also happen that one day somebody will pick me from the bush, and put me on a vase on a table and i will become the color of a pale room, or maybe a ribbon will be tied around me and i will become the symbol of a blossoming love...

then i can say that my distortions are not distorted anymore...