Hello Telephone!

I had a little scare today when I saw that my one year old has silently crawled over and sat near my leg with her right palm covering her right ear. My first thought was "something hurts in her ear!?". I asked her what's wrong, she wasn't crying nor did she look like she's in pain, in fact she's got that curious look on her face and that's when I realized that she was actually imitating me! You see, I have just gotten off the phone before that. I seldom use my Iphone for voice calls and I guess it's the first time that my toddler observed me do that.

Funny that recently I was trying to teach her how to play with the Fisher Price toy telephone, one of the gifts she got on her birthday, and I realized that this toy was obsolete! I mean whoever uses a rotary dial phone anymore in this era?!? No wonder my toddler has no idea what this toy is, her idea of playing with it is to chew the pull string like it's spaghetti, lol.

I'm not sure why Fisher Price is still selling this toy. I see that they already have toy smart phones (whoa!) and this is what I probably should get my little one.

*Pictures taken from Fisher Price's website.

How to be cool

I've been thinking, I want to be cool.

A cool mom, a cool wife, a cool gal, just a cool person. You know, someone who laughs at her own mistakes, still calm even when everything is in chaos, doesn't feel sour when things don't go as planned, won't snap when getting impatient, will not lose it even when provoked, like that.

But it's hard to transform into that, because I think in order to be cool, you'll need to off load a lot of emotions which means you might end up becoming indifferent. So I ask myself, would I rather be someone who has no angsts and does not take a stand or someone who fights for what she believes in?

It's a tricky choice, but as always, the right answer is, balance. It's all about balance. *bow*

I'm now a SAHM !

Yes indeed, I'm now a stay-at-home-mum, finallly! It's been almost a month actually since I officially became one. 

But it hasn't been that long yet so I am still at the adjustment period, trying to establish a sustainable and productive routine. I got sick the first two weeks in fact, I had colds and sore throat and I almost felt like going down with the flu. I joked that it could be my body rejecting being a SAHM. But then again perhaps there's some truth to that. It's my first time to be alone as a full time housewife and mum. During my maternity leave days, I was always with someone, my parents during the first 3 months and my hubby on the 2 months after that. It was already hard work for me back then and now double that.

Recently I came across the word "bone tired" on an article by a parent and betcha-by-golly-wow, it is indeed the perfect desccription of how I feel! It's physical+mental+emotional exhaustion all into one. But then again, it amazes me how I seem to have the superpower to cope with lack of sleep, feeling "drained" from regularly expressing milk, preparing babyfood, doing the laundry, etc. I think it just comes naturally when you become a mother and I think what keeps us going is this grand inner joy we have in seeing our baby grow, a feeling of profound love no words could describe.

I would like to write some more, but I think I'll do that another time. My 10-month old is sleeping on my chest as I write this so I better conclude this post before she wakes up from the keyboard clicks.


xoxo (lol)

The Makings of a stage parent

I didn't think I'd be up to it and neither did I think my hubby would but we actually entered our 8 month old in a baby magazine cover contest!

Well, we just really did it for the fun of it and for the free pictorial. We almost backed out when we saw there was a long queue and we overheard some parents saying they've waited for more than an hour for their turn.

I wasn't expecting much really. Though we've had so much feedback that our baby is photogenic, she's not the natural model who would smile on cue. Plus consider that she hasn't had her afternoon nap when her turn finally came. She just stared at the camera with sleepy eyes hehe. 

It's funny how actual parenthood changes us. I never imagined being a stage mother before I had a child but look at what I'm doing now. Hehehe. 

Make up my mind

I was a late bloomer in terms of makeup. Though I did put on some lip gloss from time to time when I was still in University, it was only when I was about 22 and I started to work that I put on some face powder and a little eye shadow. I was 25 when I finally embraced the full ensemble - foundation, blush, mascara, eye color and liner, and made it part of my day to day routine. 
But I've always made my makeup simple. I tried to make it as "thin" and "natural" as much as possible because I just want to put on makeup to enhance my looks but not to alter it. 
Also, I do not want to be dependent on makeup. I still would like to be confident 
in my own makeup-less face. My idea is this: if makeup production suddenly stopped or if I got transported to a world without makeup it should not be a problem for me because I would still look "normal" without it, hehehe. You know what I mean ;)

Recently though, I did not put on make up one time and a friend said I looked pale, not knowing that I just did not put on my usual makeup. So that made me think twice about not putting on make up. There are also times when I try not to put on makeup when going out to do an errand like grocery shopping but I sometimes feel insecure so I wish that I won't bump into anybody I know. Hmmm, so I guess I have turned into what I was avoiding not to turn into :/

So right now I am trying to "go back to natural". I am trying to get used to not putting on makeup so often and try to look nice naturally. And I have a very good motivation to do this: my baby girl. I try not to put on makeup when I'm with her so I could cuddle and play with her 
without getting worried that I'll contaminate her face and hands (she loves to touch and play with my face) with chemicals. Also, I try to use makeup made of natural ingredients like that of Body shop's...

Alright, let's see how this new me goes ;)

Just be fluffy

That's supposed to be my continuous mantra. It makes life easier, lighter and happier. 

But there are really times when it is really hard to be fluffy, especially when things get frustrating. 

But then again, I really should not take things too seriously. I just need to be just fluffy so everything would just be cool. 

When work gets stressful, when there seems to be a never ending list of house chores, when you encounter rude people, when things are not happening the way I hope it to be, I should just tell myself that these do not mean the end of the world so I should just pause, smell the flowers and see the humorous side of it all. Tomorrow is a brand new day. I just need a new haircut. 

*bow*

My current food obsession

Since my blog is screaming all negative lately, I thought I'd try writing about something nice that makes me feel good. So today I would like to introduce you to my current food obsession, Korean bibimbap. 

I would order this for lunch at least once a week from the food court in my office building. Yummy!

Dr. Frankenstein

So I think there is usually this child in the family that you seem to find cute to just test her assertiveness because she seems sharp, right? 

I used to wonder when I was a child why my extended family always made me go into lengthy discussions with them about any random topic. I felt like I was always being put into a hot seat all the time. Well, when I grew up, I was told that as a child I had an answer for everything so they thought they would practice and test my sharpness by pretending to always try to disprove what I was saying. They said I'd make a good lawyer. 

My friends, please, no matter how you think it is cute to see how a child could try her best to prove herself, do not do it. Let the child be just a child. Don't make things complicated for them. Give them the chance to feel confident of themselves and to trust. Otherwise, the repercussions are high. I've been spending decades now trying to rebuild myself and I tell you, it is not easy and as you can most probably already see from this blog, I have relapses. 

Dear God, I am trying my best to become the best model for my daughter but may she grow up to be a better version of me. 

The price of working in IT

Jobs in the Information Technology industry is one of the relatively high paying jobs because of the supposed specialized technological skill you need to possess. 

But you know what, I think people in IT is paid much not really just because of the technological skill but more of the stress that you get in working in this industry. It's been 11 years now (wow! it's been that long now?!?) that I've been in IT and my gosh, the stress is consistent. You really need to have a way to motivate and recharge yourself to keep from burning out. Really. 

On the side note, it is quite an irony that you're supposed to work with the assumption that everyone in the IT department were hired because of their technological knowledge in their field and yet oftentimes you still get asked to give instructions in a for dummies detail. Duh. 

Self esteem worth $20

I've just lost $20. I remember putting it in my pocket but when I was about to pay I could not find it. I checked my bag and nothing. I must have dropped it. How perfect! Just when I am hoping to at least feel good on a bad day by purchasing some sanity, I've even lost money just like that. As usual, I blame it on the absent minded me, the one who always shows up whenever my self esteem feels trampled on.

This is the last straw! I am tired, tired of being strong when I am actually not. I am fragile, but I think everyone thinks I am not. In fact, I have the reputation of being the uptight one, the killjoy, the one who pops your bubble, hence, I'm supposed to be the rationale one. Heck, I can't even be allowed to feel any irrational feeling! I'm not supposed to feel jealous, I'm not supposed to feel that I need more appreciation. How come she can be like that, he could be like that and everybody's ok with that but when it's me who acts vulnerable or emotional I'm being immature?

Can't they see that I am losing my faith in myself already?

Last week, in my baby's routine check up, her paediatrician was so impressed with my baby's big leap of improvement in her gross motor skills over the past two months and said "Mommy did a good job!" I should be happy to hear that right? But guess what, I could not even make myself take credit for that! I am doubting myself. Could it really be me  who made her achieve that even if I only spend full time with her two days a week when I'm not at work for the past 2 months?!?

I know this is alarming, what I'm feeling. That's why I am going to do something about it. I am going to be selfish. I am going to think of myself for now. I need to heal my self esteem. I am tired of being strong.

I am weak, I am emotional and I am irrational. And I don't have to explain myself for that.

Breathe

Is it actually possible for a fish to drown?

My first mummy post

I only co-slept with my baby during her first month. Then the next 2 months she slept in her cot although we placed it just beside our bed so I could easily reach her during the night. She's been sleeping in her own room since she turned 3 months. 

Last weekend during our short holiday, she slept beside me on the hotel bed. She loved the hotel bed and she slept so peacefully. I could've let her sleep on the baby cot the hotel provided but I decided  to make an exception. Besides, it was just for two nights. Thankfully, she didn't seem to have any trouble adjusting back since she's been sleeping as per normal in her room. But it seems like it's me who's having difficulty now -- I'm terribly missing her, at night when she's sleeping and even more when I am at work during the day! :,( Usually, when I rock her and then see that she's already in deep sleep I put her down in her cot but last night I let her sleep longer than usual in my arms. 

*Sigh* I wish I can spend more time with my baby. It is not so easy though to just drop everything and be a stay at home mum. But then again, though it may not be easy, it still could be done indeed. Hmmmm...

A picture worth a thousand wrong words

I had lunch today with my colleagues at The King Louis restaurant and on our way out I saw they had this photo booth where they let you have a picture. And because I was feeling hyper(perhaps because of the big slab of ribs I ate by myself), I pulled 2 of my colleagues to have our picture taken. 

Then the picture was sent to the email I've input there. What I didn't realize before that was that the photobooth was actually sponsored by Carlsberg and pictures are automatically uploaded to their facebook page! 

Nooooooooo!!!

I wouldn't usually mind this and in fact I've had similar picture uploaded toHeineken's  website during my single and clubbing days ;p but this time I have to object because:

1. It makes it look like I had a beer when in fact I haven't had alcohol since I learned I was pregnant in March last year; 

2. It makes it look like I had a night out but as I've said earlier, this was during lunch time and hubby and I rarely go past 8pm of not being home since we had our baby;

and most all,

3. I look like I'm pregnant here er I mean I'm not looking my best here!!! Not fair! Hahahaha. If the camera was lower, you would've actually seen my big bag of breastpump. Then it would have just perfectly made this beer picture all so wrong! Hahahaha

No, I'm not drunk, just had a big slab of bbq ribs as I've told you :p. 

The 30minute blog

That's what I was supposed to name my new blog when I thought of creating a new one. 

My idea was that this new blog will be some kind of experiment where I'll be writing my blog entries on my way to/from work while in the train and within 30minutes, which is my approximate travel time per way. I thought it could be an awesome idea and perhaps maybe I could even make a book out of that blog which would become a bestseller and I'll be famous and then I could finally quit my job and live thru income from royalties! Yeah! Ok I got carried away on that last part but yeah that was my idea.

But then I changed my mind because besides getting sentimental about giving up my silentwaves blog, I thought I might not be able to sustain it anyway. Writing a blog entry in the train means I'll just be mostly writing just texts which can get boring to read and also because it also assumes that everything will be constant with my current situation right now which actually is not because there is now a chance that I will be kicked out of my job in a year (hello outsourcing). Anyhow, I would be mostly writing in the train, just like how I am writing this post now :)

WANTED: Caffeine free diet Coke

My heart almost made a small leap last weekend in the grocery when I saw a familiar coke label:

I thought I finally found my dream caffeine free diet coke here in Singapore. Well almost, but not quite, this is the caffeine free coke only. So far, I've only seen the caffeine free diet coke in California and Japan. Somebody told me though that they also have it in Hong Kong. 

I really hope it makes it to Singapore soon or if it already did, somebody please let me know where to get it!!! 

Three wishes

If a genie appears to you right now and tells you that the first 3 wishes he sees in your mind in this exact moment would be granted, what would those 3 things be?

I think mine would be:

1. To be a stay at home mom. 

2. To zap away undeserving elected politicians in the Philippines.

3. To take away my insecurities. 

So what's with year long coffee break?

Well, I got pregnant! 

Yep, on St. Patrick's day last year, hubby and I discovered (to our happy shock) that we were expecting a baby. There's a serendipitous story behind that but I won't go into that right now. 

I completely gave up coffee during my pregnancy so yeah you could literally say that I stopped being Coffee Fairy for some time. 

On October last year I gave birth to the greatest joy of my life. For five months I enjoyed feeling like a stay at home mom with a monthly pension fund (yeah baby!). You'd think I'd have lots of time to write then but if you're a hands on mom you'll know that taking care of a newborn and recovering yourself back needs more than 24 hours each day. Anyways, now it's been over a month that I've been a working mom and yes, I've resumed drinking coffee! 

I don't know how my blog will be now that I'm a mom. Maybe I'll be blogging mommy posts from time to time, maybe not. Maybe I'll make a separate Mommy blog like my Bride-to-be blog. We'll see. For now I am just happy to be writing again. 

Decaf time is over (hopefully!)

A thought came into me today: I thought I'd start a new blog, something which would be in line with my current lifestyle right now (i.e. sit-down writing time constrained!). 
But then I had a look at my silentwaves blog and well, I realized I can't just give this up. This blog is like a piece of myself that I chose to share with the world and as I read and look back to my past, I can't help but feel sentimental to see who I was and still is. 

So yes, here I am again, in another attempt to revive it up. 

Ladies and gentlemen, Coffee Fairy is back!  ;)