It was my kindred spirit that was missing, but thankfully I am starting to bounce back now. My trip to Malaysia last weekend with my friends helped as well as the encouragements I got from you and my friends. I think a big factor in the sadness I have been feeling was the adjustment I am having at work but now that I am getting the hang of the changes, I am feeling better. I think I also have been thinking too much deeply so right now I'm just trying to live life with a light heart and mind. You are definitely right, we choose to be happy so that's what I'm trying to do as I wake up everday, although it is hard not to think too much, because I am starting to feel that time is running fast, that I am getting old and now I want to be in the place that I know I will belong for the rest of my life and retire. I don't even know if I prefer uncertainty to certainty right now, because if being certain would mean I would be stuck where I am now, I feel sad just thinking about it, cause if I would be indeed I am almost sure I will be forever by myself, trying to earn money to sustain my material needs and fulfill my responsibilities...I don't want my sense of existence to just be that. Uncertainty, on the other hand, can offer opportunities for a better change, but of course the other side of the coin it could also mean the worse. But it's not that I detest my life right now, I don't. I do still keep in mind that I am thankful for all the blessings that God has given me. I do acknowledge that I have my family and friends who love me and appreciate me. Just that I feel this void, this nagging void who keep creeping up and trying to drain my energy that keeps me going as little miss congeniality. I am trying to fight it off, by now trying to be supergirl. But I discovered that even supergirl can feel frustration.
Here I go again, thinking too much. But I'll be fine, don't worry, I will shake this off...
