Happy New Year, pull your ear! :)

I got that from hubby. He said it's a greeting his family has come up with because it rhymes. I find it cute that he also pronounces ear as year :p

So here we are, the start of another year. Hubby and I met this year with a prayer. At midnight we looked up in the sky and prayed to God to grant us our hearts' wishes. I feel that indeed the year 2011 will be good to us.

My new year's resolution is to have a positive outlook in life and to strengthen my faith. The year 2010 was quite challenging, and I've seen how I made these challenges weaken me. I let it drain my positivity in life. I watched my life go by without living it. I had sulked down on special ocassions instead of celebrating them. I did not appreciate my blessings and I focused on frustrating on what I didn't have. I risked straining personal relationships. I made myself feel like my life has been pointless.

I will not let these continue anymore.

I will be happy and stay happy. I will be patient and I will always be thankful. I do not have to be insecure.

I will trust God. I will keep reminding myself of the Big Plan.

Cheers to becoming the new improved me! :)

~Wishing you all a great 2011~

Final Answer

Question: When is it time to quit your job?

a. When you started out with a very good positive outlook, tried your very best to contribute to the improvement of your team and be miss congeniality but you still ended up being treated unprofessionally?

b. When you experience stereotyping and racist remarks?

c. When you are already getting nightmares about work?

d.When your confidence is getting trashed which results to the start of straining your personal relationships?

e. When you can't sleep anymore because you are scared of what lies ahead on the next working day?

f. And when you're able to sleep you still wake up earlier than your alarm due to anxiety on what would happen at the start of business day?

g. When you feel like having a heart attack whenever the phone rings? And your phone is constantly ringing.

h. When your left eye starts to have involuntary twitching at the thought of going back to work?

i. When you lose your appetite?

j. All of the above.

I have tendered my resignation from work today and this time, I am not taking it back. This would not be a surprising news for those who know me, I guess. I think by now I have already gotten the reputation of being a job quitter. I know it gives the impression that I give up so easily when things get tough or that my expectations are too high. I've started to doubt myself too but then I now know I shouldn't.

I don't think I am being a coward for quitting because it actually takes a lot of courage to stand by your principles and retain your self esteem than just hold on to the agony that is eating your dignity piece by piece.

I am taking another big risk, I know. I still have not forgotten the difficulties I faced looking for a new job a few months back. I am bracing myself for this, yes, but I am still hopeful that I will finally find the right match.

As Kenny Rogers said, "Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great."

And I don't think he was talking about chicken. ;-)

In Between

I have less than 24 hours to enjoy this break. I am not looking forward to going back to the life I left back there. Yet I also know that it's just a matter of a few more days and I'll start to be uneasy here as well.

I feel so lost. A feeling so familiar. That which I felt a couple of years ago, that which I felt a few more years before that, as well as when I was in my teens. But the big difference now is that I feel so weak. I feel like just giving up the fight, because it hurts so much. I know I used to be stronger than this, and I wonder what has become of me that I am now like this, eaten up by insecurities and...envy.

Yes, envy for the things that I don't have. And I am not even talking about material things. I don't know why now all these regrets are now surfacing up. Well ok, I think I do know why...because things are not happening as how I hoped it would be so I start to doubt myself and the big plan for me. It is because I am in this phase of the in between, that awkward state where I belong to neither this nor that group. And I do not know how long I will be in this phase. This is what's killing me.

I feel so dead inside. So cold. I think this is my defense mechanism acting up. My heart has been covered up to withstand those little cuts. However, by doing this, it has also made me become jaded.

I know I lack faith. I should believe and be hopeful. I am trying my best to, really. But then whenever I just start to be on track again, something will just suddenly pop the bubble I am at and then I find myself face to face with what I was protecting myself from. It is not fair, it being even just coincidental.

What has happened to me? What will happen to me?

I need your help. Please, save me.

All I Want For Christmas...

...is a miracle.

Cold Water and The Prayer

I thought I was doing ok already but yesterday it came back creeping on me, consuming me, trying to drain out the little happiness that I was holding on to for motivation. I know what started it, then I saw what was coming, and yet I didn't resist it. Instead, I embraced self pity like an old friend.

Then today I got perhaps what I deserved for being such a baby. Cold water splashed right onto my face. Ice cold water that froze my heart. It hurt because I didn't expect that the source would be from where I used to get warmth. I realized that there are really circumstances in life that you can never really expect others to understand until they can actually relate with it. There are some longing that you'll never know will ache until you are already feeling them.

The day went by so slow but thankfully I got thru the day with the prayer below:

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

And this Bible verse gave me comfort:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

December six to ten

Monday - I quit my job.

Tuesday - My boss talked some sense to me. It worked. So now I've still got a job.

Wednesday - Hubby got summoned by the traffic police officer for crossing the road on a red light (yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is Singapore!). Hubby was very frustrated. I talked some sense to him. It worked. Not just for him but for me as well.

Thursday (today) - Took the train from work and went to Orchard Road by myself. Went for some Christmas shopping, had Peppermint mocha frap in Starbucks, wrote down in my journal.
Enjoyed this very much, haven't done this in a long time. Took mental note to do this from time to time.
Happy again.

Friday (tomorrow) - I hope the happiness still lasts.

Easy A and Season Parking

I watched the movie Easy A tonight tonight. Loved it very much.

Then I thought about how to stop my way to obesity.

Suddenly, I remembered that I forgot to pay for my season parking at work.

The three sentences state something on their own but then they are actually connected to form one big plan.

Five days of 31

Triggered by a glass of champagne and bad service, she could no longer hold it.
All emotions poured out as he drove them away from that rabbit hole.
Insecurities, inhibitions and fears engulfed her like a dark cloud.
What a sad day, why did she even let it end that way?
Because she felt weak, so weak that she just gave up the fight.
It was her lack of faith that she let preside.
For things are beyond her control again and everything seem to be in plateau.
For there's this one enormous thing, the one which defines it all, that which is holding everything up. And only patience can pacify the restlessness it brings.
And so she prays, that everything will fall into place once again at the right time...hopefully, soon enough.

The Continuous Search for Inspiration

An old feeling has resurfaced, one which was thought was already outgrown.
A feeling that has been there from innocence to ignorance, until jadedness made it forgotten.
It is amazing (and amusing) to realize that it had been there all the while, just in different forms.
It's all the same, the giving of trust..but now with more caution, more defense, something that has been learned from the years, to avoid falling in a pit.
It shouldn't be that way.
So just take things lightly.
Enjoy the confidence it brings.

Question of the day

Will you attend a bridal shower you got invited to, for a wedding you are not invited to?

Curious.

Bathroom Specs

There's been one thing I've been wanting to do since we moved into our condo unit last year - renovate the masterbedroom bathroom. I think it should be the first thing that one should do after buying a resale property.

Our unit is ten years old and although the bathroom is still relatively ok, you can already see that it needs some upgrading. Since we didn't have budget yet for renovations when we moved in, I was thinking of at least just even replacing the toilet bowl seat but apparently our toilet bowl shape is not the usual and we are having a hard time finding a toilet seat match! Anyways, now I am really obsessing on getting a total bathroom overhaul and I've been bugging hubby more and more about it and we've started to save up for this.

So before I lose the little post-it where I listed down my bathroom specifications, let me write them down here:

• Place to conveniently hang 2 towels
• His and hers sinks
• Sliding mirror cabinet
• First aid kit storage
• Cleaning materials
• Detached bathtub (currently, what we have is cemented on the floor)
• A sitting area (to conveniently wash/put on lotion on legs)
• Shampoo and soap holder that would not take a lot of space and would not rust
• Bidet
• White light and dim lights
• Rainshower style shower plus option for the movable shower
• A place for the clothes hamper
• Magnifying mirror
• No wooden and steel materials as much as possible

All of these would be a challenge given that our bathroom is quite small but anything is possible with very good interior design.

Now I need to start looking for materials and good contractors to get an idea how much this would cost.

Just count your blessings instead of sheep

When I worry and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

~o~o~o~

Praying for a miracle to happen before the candle stops burning....

Adultology

It's been a year now since my hubby and I purchased our house and so we have started to receive mails on renewal of insurances.

Hubby: Hon, one day next week, let's sit down and look over our house files and discuss which insurance we need to renew.

Me: Really!? But that's such an adult thing to do!

(Hubby suddenly looked like he had the word flabbergasted spelled all over his face )

Me: Oh yeah, I forgot we're adults now. Hihihi (grins and bats eyelashes) :P

The past year has really made me feel like I've fully become an adult, from the combo of getting married and turning 30, then managing our mortgages, the house, the car, etc etc. Sometimes, there are quick flashes in my mind to be stubborn and refuse to accept that I am already a full fledged adult but then I quickly dismiss it as I know I prefer my life now than before during my immature days when I felt lost.

One thing that I noticed about being an adult is that life becomes a little bit slow paced than usual. Maybe it's because being an adult makes one be less impulsive. I used to love to try out rollercoasters and those crazy rides in amusement parks during my younger days, heck perhaps I would've even tried bunjee jumping and sky diving if I was given the opportunity to, the scarier, the better. But now, I just chicken out on these kind of stuff. Last month, when hubby convinced me to ride an indoor roller coaster (Revenge of the Mummy) in Universal Studios Singapore with him at the frontmost seats, I almost hated him during the ride. I was so scared! But then hearing his laughter during the ride was enough for me to calm down my nerves and tell myself to just enjoy that exciting moment. Funny how getting older makes one fear for their dear life, hehehe.

So being an adult means to be more critical in making decisions in life. No wonder it can be a tempting excuse for becoming boring and mundane. But of course, we shouldn't let that happen, right? We should never forget to remain young at heart.

Gosh, what have I just blabbered about?! Now I wonder what I would be writing when I turn 40! Aaack! :s

Hello Technopark

First it was in the academe, then to the corporate world. Now, is another new adventure: the technopark.

What does this mean?

It means I now work somewhere in the suburbs (away from the central business district) working with local clientele. Instead of working to support people in Finance, my work now makes me deal with Property Managers, Administrative Officers, Engineers and Technicians. And instead of being sent to offices outside Singapore from time to time, I now go to the remote areas around Singapore (now I understand what my hiring manager meant when he asked me during my job interview if I was willing to travel, hehehe).

It's quite a change actually - the work environment, the culture, the pace, the customers...I've been used to working with a global team where we were remotely working with each other. Now, I work with a local team, where we are all sitting together in one area and you can just walk over to one's desk to talk to each other (it is quite funny though to realize that physical proximity does not equate to responsiveness nor to rappor). I am definitely out of my comfort zone right now, being in an industry that I am not familiar about and working on a technology that I don't have technical knowledge about. It shouldn't really be a big deal though, since my role now is more into project management (however, that's another funny thing, being a manager without the title and managing people who are not reporting to you).

Oh well, as what Forrest Gump said, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get". Yup, not until you dip your hand into that box and see what type of chocolate you got. As for me, on the good day I can learn to like peanut butter chocolate but on a bad day I'd consider throwing it away.

So what day is it today?

Cocococoffeeeeeeeeee

(*Read with a husky, soft voice*)

I want coffeeeeeee...
My eyes are getting so heavyyyyyyy
I need coffeeeeeee...

Two more hours to burn and it's driving me crazyyyyyyy

I have no choice, it is inevitable this time to get myself some coffee...

Ok, to explain what rubbish I've just written above, it's been a month now since I decided to cut my daily dosage of coffee.

Why am I forsaking coffee now? How can I be the coffeefairy if I don't have coffee?

Well, i'm not really saying goodbye to coffee. Just that this is part of my decision to significantly reduce my caffeine intake. So actually besides coffee I'm also holding off from tea and my other favorite drink, Coke light. I know I can't just go cold-turkey on coffee (i'll go berserk for sure!) so I'm taking this abstinence gradually. I still allow myself to have coffee once a week and on emergency situations (e.g. on a sleepy day at work).

It is not easy to give up coffee especially when you know you have an endless supply of it in the office. There's one time that I really wanted to have one cup because the aroma was sooo inviting so to satisfy myself I got one cup indeed, but I just took a sip and then just smelled the rest of it. Hahaha, pathetic? Nah, that's what I call convincing myself that I am not doing this because I want to punish myself. I need to be healthy and fit and this is one part of making it happen.

I can do this!

Right?

When will it be my turn?

I thought it was today but apparently, it's not (again).

*Big sigh* :,(

Fattaya

One little remark made me do three hundred crunches and shed a thousand tears. And instead of enjoying the rest of the evening here in Pattaya, Thailand (yes, the pun with the title is very much intentional), I am in blogosphere about to rant out.

I have always been fat for most of my life. While in Western countries people would not even consider me overweight, unfortunately, I am Asian, moreso, a Southeast Asian, and in this part of the world's standards slim is the beautiful. And if you're not slim, then you're considered fat.

The amazing thing is, when you're actually obese, nobody would tell to your face that you're fat. But for people like me who were born with the chubby genes, there is always a generous greeting of about how you look: "Tumataba tayo ah, mukhang hiyang ka sa ___ "

English Translation: Hey, you look fatter, seems like you're quite comfortable with [insert whatever recent change in your life like being in a new relationship, getting married or having moved to a new location].

Never mind if you had just saved the world, as long as you have gained weight, that's the first thing to be noticed about you (especially by Filipinos, it's a part of our culture which I hate).

This is so unfair. I just eat like a normal person and yet I still gain weight. I already tried cutting down on food, but as I have observed, it was useless. I will never be skinny unless I become anorexic. I am just really one of those unlucky ones with slow metabolism and therefore we need to exert extra effort to not keep on ballooning by doing lots of exercise. My being short in height makes it even worse...and don't let me start talking about the mockings and sufferings I had because of my height, I have already gotten over that insecurity in my early adult life when I finally accepted there is nothing I can do about that.

Ok, fine. I guess I also just have to accept the fact that I am one of those who have to work harder to look physically acceptable. I can't afford to just relax each day and enjoy those lazy times with my husband. I have to run my a** off and burn those calories everyday. I have to sweat like a pig (no pun intended this time but heck, even this figure of speech is so mean!) to make up for my very laid back metabolic rate.

Arrrgh!!! I want to look great!!!

Off with this ten kilos!!!

For Grandpa

I wish I was there last Friday to read this out to you personally:

I remember we first met five years ago during spring when we visited you in your mobile house. My first impression was wow, you live on your own, and you drive your car at 94 years old. You must be Superman (and now I realize where Captn Marvel got his powers from). I remember regretting not having a picture of us taken together.

I shouldn't have been surprised that when you saw me again in summer the following year, you still remember me..and more. You remembered A LOT about me. I remember another regret on this trip - I should've shaken that salad dressing bottle before pouring onto your salad, because you made a face during dinner when we asked you how you liked it.

The memory of winter the following year is still fresh in my mind. We spent Christmas and New Year together with the family, it was one of the best holidays of my life. And then we celebrated your birthday, where we surprised you with a candle lit cake...I remember you shedding a tear because you were really touched. I didn't tell you this, but seeing you looking happy that night touched my heart.

The last time we saw each other was early fall two years ago. And there is one thing I will never forget during this time - you unintentionally locked me out of the house while I was busy emoting at the front yard. This memory always brings a smile to my face and this is how I will remember you, a grandpa who always bring a smile to our face.

You lived a full life, Grandpa, and I am very thankful to God, that even for just a short time, I had been given privilege to be, in a little way, part of it.

I miss being a bookworm

I have not been as actively reading as I used to be during my single (and lonely) days. But I think I better revive my reading activities because one of the things I have observed about myself lately is that I now often find myself at a lost for words - both written and verbal. Worse, I think I am starting to develop an attention deficit disorder in reading. I find that it's now not easy for me to just give my full attention to something I'm reading. I get easily distracted and impatient that most of the time I end up skipping some paragraphs when reading short articles and then when reading books, I often have to re-read a paragraph or two before it fully sinks in. This is not a good trend at all!

Hence, I should really have to revive my literary reading life.

So to spark some inspiration, let me start then by enumerating a couple of books (oh my gosh, only a couple!?!) I had managed to read over the past few months:

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

A bestseller and highly recommended by a girl friend, I got very curious and finally got myself a copy. I enjoyed reading this book. It was written with such a witty and candid and yet profound way. I think free spirited women will be able to relate to this and contrary to feedback I read that this book is cultish, it does not at all impose what the author's views on religion and philosophy at all. In fact, I liked how the way Elizabeth Gilbert showed her openness to exploring different ways of showing faith. Furthermore, contrary to another feedback I read saying that the book was just about the author's whinings, I liked how she actually honestly wrote her thoughts and feelings in this book like she was telling it to a very close friend and so as a reader, I felt that connection with her as she talked about her real life experiences.

As like what usually happens next to bestseller books, it has been made into a movie already which is already showing the US but which will only be shown in Singapore in a couple of months, I believe, starring, who else of course, but Julia Roberts. Personally I think the producers should have picked a more low profile actress for the role but well, I'll save my thoughts on this on a movie review perhaps.

Anyhow, this book's sequel, Committed, is also already available. I think I'd like to read that too.

The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho

I got the book when I saw it one time I went to the bookstore. I didn't even know that Paulo Coelho was launching this new book. Anyhow, I got the time to finally read this while on a two week honeymoon in Mauritius.

I would have to say that this book made me see a new side of Paulo Coelho's writing. Although it has his usual deep and calm tone, it also has the feel of a mystery thriller book. It uses realism and dwells on modern day scenarios, quite different from the usually mystical writing style of the author.

I am not really sure why I couldn't put down the book and I just continued to read on and on. Maybe I was curious about the life of movies and showbusiness or maybe I just wanted to know how the story ends. I can't really say that I loved it since I found the story too tragic and hope wrecking. It was not your usual good wins, evil loses because Paulo Coelho left it up to the reader to decide who are the bad guys and who are the good guys and if death is the end or the start.

Under the sink

Do you see anything wrong with this picture?

Detergent, insect repellant, mutipurpose cleaner neatly placed on one side, sponges on the other side. It looks absolutely normal, right?

Apparently, we're wrong! Hehehe.

Detergents, bleaches, insect killers, multipurpose cleaners...these are all chemicals which may actually emit nonvisible fumes which can affect the quality of water in the tap. And if you get the water you drink from the tap, then you know what that means.

Would you believe I actually learned this from my company's New Staff Induction Programme? Yup, since my company now is into facility management, I get to learn workplace health and safety standards which I can apply at home. Cool huh? ;)

Deja vu

It's 2pm already and the thought of eating seem to still not appeal.
It feels like waking up a few years back. Those times when the world was just a fishbowl and you can only walk until where the string takes you.

I feel weak and scared. Everything's in a mess again. And it's my fault again.
I wish I don't see things the way I see them.
It hurts to be different. I wish I wasn't different. It would be easy then to be understood.

I wish I was just in a faraway place right now. A place where nobody knows me, a place where I don't need to ask to live up to expectations to be appreciated, a place where I won't be able to hurt anyone by expressing myself.

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
(By: B.Benjamin/S.Marcus/C.Cadwell )

Baby, you understand me now
if sometimes you see that I'm mad.
Don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel?
When everything goes wrong, you see some bad.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

You know sometimes, baby, I'm so carefree
with a joy that's hard to hide.
And then sometimes it seems again that all I have is worry,
and then you're bound to see my other side.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

If I seem edgy,
I want you to know,
I never meant to take it out on you.
Life has its problems,
and I get more than my share;
but that's one thing I never mean to do
'cause I love you.

Oh baby, I'm just human.
Don't you know I have faults like anyone?
Sometimes I find myself alone regretting
some little foolish thing;
some simple thing that I've done.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

Don't let me be misunderstood.
I try so hard,
so don't let me be misunderstood.

Send button

People you love may offend or hurt you without them even being aware of it. Should you even tell them about it, while at the back of your mind you know that there is a big risk of creating a ripple in your relationship with them out of saying your sentiments?

The words were already written, but at the last minute I decided not to hit that send button. I will just keep quiet until I can still bear it.

Reason Out

Sometimes I wish I was a bit more confrontational when people scold me for doing something that frustrates them when in fact i was just following directions. Like last week I went to the person in charge to get the application form for the season parking in the office building. I specifically asked her where I should pay when I get the form accomplished and signed. She told me I could just go to her.

So that's exactly what I did. This morning, I went to her desk and what did she tell me? "Next time go to the carpark office to pay". I was dumbfounded so it took me some time before I softly said "You told me to go to you to pay".

I wish I could have said it with more conviction and with more emphasis to make sure she'd recall having that conversation with me last week. But I was raised with the virtue of not talking back to elders as a sign of respect. Even if I've been living here for 5 years now, here where a lot of people seem to have this natural instinct to tell it to your face how wrong you are once they got the chance, I am still not used to it. Should I perhaps adapt and be like them? Hmmmn, I think I should just change my perspective.

It's not a cross...

...it's actually a bowtie, the Chevrolet logo, that is.

Tonight we picked up our new baby, a Sports Series Aveo. I just love those sexy 16 inch tire rims! :D

Thank you so much to my hubby for making another dream of mine come true!

Remember four years ago, I thought that the chances of me having a car in Singapore was almost nil? Well, things can really suddenly change once you meet the right one ;-)

Although it was short, it was sweet

It lasted only for a few minutes but it was one of those brief moments of ecstasy...

My grip was not tight, it was just light and right...

I felt like i was floating in the clouds...

ahhhh....yessss....

Then I switched off the engine after parking the car. hehe. :P

It was my first time to drive in Singapore and I loved it!
Although it didn't last long and probably I had driven at most a kilometer, it all felt soooo nice and I know I want to do this again and again!

Thank you for the test drive, Chevrolet. hehehe. ;D

What A Week!

My dormant, predictable, routinary life suddenly shooted into a very much active, spontaneous mode last week. With starting a new job, hearing the news of the death of a loved one, a visit to the hospital to see another loved one who underwent a major surgery, confirming some news that I know I'd be envious of, flying to the Philippines over the weekend and seeing people I miss and confronting those I wish I could avoid, I could only think of one word to best describe all of these - overwhelming.

There was a great degree of play of emotions from happy to sad, scared to confident, angry to calm, notwithstanding the mental as well as physical impacts. But thankfully, I didn't get rattled and evenmore, it was the positive emotion that dominated.

This week, I am hoping that it would be more manageable and I'd be able to get adjusted to my new non-dormant routine. It is both exciting and challenging, I hope I'd get the hang of it.

I think I would. ;)

For Lola

Blessed be your soul

As you join the angels in heaven.

Thank you for all the love and care,

For all the memories we share.

I will remember you for your warm embrace,

I will remember you for how you kissed us with your face.

Your smile and your stories will forever be our grace.

Break-In

Today I wore my new high-heeled shoes and much as I hoped that this pair of shoes would not give me blisters on my feet, unfortunately, as like most of that type of shoe I've bought, it did.

But it did not matter, because I wore it this morning when I went out to sign an offer of employment. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, by next week I will start my new job. Yipee! :) (*dance of joy*)

That pair of shoes was actually something I bought for a job that I thought was for me last month but which I rejected because of a lot of bad surprises and ultimately an unacceptable contract clause which I believe was already bordering illegal. Clearly it wasn't meant for me because I was meant to have what I have prayed for.

Everything makes sense now, all that effort and waiting...it was all worth it. What I'm feeling right now is exactly how I imagined I'd feel -- like finding the key which would give way to opening more happiness in fulfilling more dreams. God has again shown me how things which are meant for me would happen at the right time. His way always amazes me, I can never guess how He would answer my prayers, but He does, just not in the way I thought I'd have it. I really have to remind myself that faith is about believing without asking how and when.

Thank You, Lord. I am so blessed. :)

My First Baking Adventure

I've always wanted to learn baking but I never got the chance to learn it at home when I was growing up. I don't even have a memory of my mother baking something. We had an electric stove with oven but which we stopped using since I was about seven years old I think. I clearly remember my mother telling us that it was shorted and she got electrecuted while using it. And that was the start of my subconscious fear of electric stoves and ovens. We never bought a new oven. But I've always been looking at baking stuff eversince, subconsciously longing to try to bake as well. I remember being excited during my teens when I saw an ad on TV about a chocolate cake that doesn't need baking but just needed to cool in the refrigerator. I wanted that. But well, I never got to try it because it never makes it to our grocery list.

Anyhow...today is the day I finally hugged baking hello :)

Ok, the blueberry muffins I baked were from an instant mix but still I am very proud of my achievement. It's the way to start, isn't it? It was so fun and relaxing to see the muffins puff out of the baking tray. And I really didn't expect that it was going to be this easy. I thought the challenge was to take out the muffins from the tray without crushing them (I didn't use paper baking cups) but surprise surprise, the muffins came out of the tray without almost an effort to pull them out. I am so happy with my non-stick baking tray, very good quality indeed, I didn't even have to put butter.

Or maybe because I had a good brand of batter mix? Thank you, Betty Crocker for making my first baking experience a success! :) The recipe and instructions were so easy to follow. The only challenge I had was to convert farenheit to celcius and to wipe off the blueberry extract on the sink (careful on the blueberries, they stain!) The tips on using low cholesterol, low fat ingredients were great. I used soy milk instead of normal milk and I used olive oil instead of a normal vegetable oil. Although I did a little tweak for my second batch of muffins because I noticed that the first batch were a bit toasted from the suggested temperature and duration.

first set, baked in 20 minutes at 200 degrees celcius

second set, baked in 16 minutes at 190 degrees celcius

Ahhh, I am so inspired that my next goal is to bake from scratch. Let's see if I could actually make my own batter. Perhaps I'm a natural baker? Hehehe ;p

I'm a Thunder Lizard!

Hear ye! Hear ye!

I just broke my record! Woohoo!

I discovered Dynomite eight years ago during my programmer days when I needed some form of amusement as I ate my packed lunch on my office desk. Then I forgot about it as I lived more of the real life instead of the virtual. Now that I have lots of time, it is great to rediscover it again. But I have to warn you that this is quite addictive so unless you have a strong self control and actually have spare time, do not try this! Hehehe.

Thank you Yahoo Games for this wonderful game which keeps me company and helps me pass time on these bumming days. My hubby is also now addicted to this game (uh-oh).

P.S. Don't tell me I didn't warn you that this is addictive. Seriously. Hehehe. ;p

Happy egg-smashing!

Chokos!

In my quest to cook tinola for my hubby, I tried to find the essential ingredient which is a green papaya or a sayote (chayote). I've observed that both are not commonly found in groceries and markets here in Singapore. In the first big grocery we went to, the best I could find was a ripe papaya. Then I went to a grocery near our place, hoping to find any of them. I found a green papaya alright (imported from the Philippines), but I had a feeling it is already ripe even if it is green outside. I was ready to get it anyway and I was also planning on getting an old cucumber as a supplement until finally, after a gazillion times of walking round and round the vegetable area, I found the sayote! And they're not called sayote here but chokos! Hehehe.

So there, ladies and gentlemen, I have successfully cooked tinolang manok (chicken tinola) which my hubby rated 10 out of 10. Yay! :)

Today's Lesson

~You have to walk into the desert to see the oasis.~

And that sometimes, you just have to step in to that door to find what you're looking for, because the outside doesn't speak for what's inside.

***

It was quite amusing what I have discovered and realized today. I don't know yet if what was shown to me today would be the one that's meant for me, but if not, then I am just glad that I gained something out of experiencing this from a good way. Atleast there's now a spark of light in the dark tunnel.

A Plea

Dearest Lord,

Please take away all the bitterness, angst and fear in my heart.
Please fill it up instead with hope, trust and peace.
May any doubts and regrets I have be erased.
May faith and strength instead be placed.
Please hold me to stop my restlessness,
Because I am very cold and scared.

Kiss The Cook

There is always a bright side to everything as they say and one of the good thing about being jobless is I get to cook for my hubby. Cooking is one of the things I love to do but which I have been rarely doing since it is quite convenient and cheap to eat out in Singapore (Did you know that I actually wanted to be a chef when I was young?) plus having a husband who cooks really, really well (cooking is his passion), I tend to just leave the cooking to him. But now's the opportunity for me to rekindle my cooking skills. I just love it when hubby gets home with a home cooked meal waiting for him and that look when he eats is very dear and worth all the effort. So far I have been cooking mostly Filipino dishes for him although I did have a try on some Western dishes. Here's some dishes that I have cooked for him:

• Fried Marinated chicken breast with pasta in pesto and mustard sauce
• Fetuccini mushroom carbonara (oh yeah baby ;)
• Pork topping in oyster sauce
• Squid Adobo (hubby's all time favorite)
• Long beans adobo (in Tagalog, Adobong sitaw)
• Menudo (ground pork in soy sauce with carrots, potatoes and raisins)

Haha, I know, it's not a lot. But this does not include those easy to cook things like fried eggs, bacon and canned goods. I am thinking of more dishes to cook, maybe I could even try some of the more complicated Filipino dishes like Kare-kare and embutido. Here's a few that I think I'd do next:

• Sinigang na Hipon
• Pork adobo
• Paksiw na isda
• Pinakbet Tagalog
• Tinolang manok
• Nilagang baka
• Sayote guisado (if i do find a sayote here)
• Pininyahang manok
• Tortang talong
• Munggo guisado
• Okoy

Any suggestions are also welcome :) I did not put the English translations on the above because hubby might be reading this and I don't want to spoil the surprise (Sweetie, if you're reading this, you are not allowed to ask your Pinoy friends for translation, ok? :P

Bloody rejected

The title of this entry is supposed to be "My first blood donation" but then after filling out a very comprehensive form and passing the medical screening, it was discovered that I am a mutant.

Waaah! The nurse could not see my veins on top of my elbows in both of my arms and she said my veins were too close to my bones and it would hurt. She advised me to do some weightlifting to help make my veins surface out.

Well, I shouldn't be that surprised, given that last year and 5 years ago, in different clinics, both nurses also couldn't find my vein and they ended up taking my blood sample from the back of my hand.

I asked the nurse in the blood donation to just get it from the back of my hand. She wouldn't hear of it. I guess it's because it would really hurt and would bruise. My hubby said they injected aneasthetics on his vein before pricking him with the big needle for getting 450ml of blood.

Sigh, so much for my attempt to do a noble deed. I feel so abnormal. But hubby said I should still feel good, because if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have thought of donating blood. He said he'll be donating for the two of us. Awwwww.

To Lighten Up Things

I'm highlighting two sequel movies I've watched lately which I didn't expect that I'd like but surprisingly I enjoyed watching them:

Iron Man 2

I was not expecting much on this movie since I did not at all like Iron Man 1 (it felt like the Iron Man 1 was pointless, the plot could've been squeezed into a half an hour scene). But like it was meant to be for me to watch this, I won two tickets to an advanced screening with free popcorn and drinks! (Thank you, Starhub!)

The movie was super cool! I loved the screenplay and the effects. The actors did great! My only regret is that we got out of the cinema without finishing the credits so we missed the hidden scene. I don't like it when they do that, especially when the credits are too long, we actually waited for a few minutes because we felt there might be somemore scene but we left when the credits seemed to take eternity to finish and the cinema lights were all switched on.

Ip Man 2
I also wasn't expecting much about this movie since I didn't watch Ip Man 1 and I thought I might not be able to understand this sequel. I also thought that this movie might be full of martial arts fight scenes which I don't really fancy watching so I was prepared to sit in the cinema and get bored. Although there was a little bit of curiosity inside me about this, because when Ip Man 1 was shown before, I actually thought it was a movie about internet technology, because I read it as I-P Man (I.P. as in internet protocol). I thought it was something about a man who did something about hacking IP addresses, hehe. Ok, I'm such a geek! :P

Anyway, I guess the trailer just misled me, because the movie had a very good plot about respect and dignity and not at all just a 100 minute exhibition of martial arts. Ip Man was actually a true story about Ip Man, a martial arts teacher and the master and inspiration of Bruce Lee.

Thanks to my hubby for making me watch this. It was a great discovery for me :)

Enough! Just Run Away!

I have had enough sulking! I am not going to let things put me down.
I believe in standing up for your principles even if it does hurt when it is shoved upon your face. I am an upholder of justice and I shall not lose hope. I will focus on the blessings instead.

And I will just run this away. No, I don't mean running away from problems and challenges. What I mean is to run, literally, as in run your legs and have a work out. It's a good stress reliever and a great way to lose excess weight.

Tomorrow shall be a better day.

How Long Would You Stand for your Principles?

Lately, I have been taking stands with regards to my principles. I had been standing firm with what I believe in.

It has not been easy. Especially if it is not bringing you to what you expected to be and worse, it just makes you look so desperate.

Am I expecting too much? Am I just putting myself high up there? Should I just stoop down and compromise what I believe in? Should I just set my expectations low?

I really don't know what's happening right now. I am confused. This is quite a test of patience and faith indeed.

But I should hold on and keep believing that there is a great plan for me.

But Wait, There's More!

Just when I thought that from bad to worse is enough, fate has decided to play a big joke on me and turned things to the worst.

Un-be-lie-vable.

Injustice is served.

Could things get even worse?

Oh Yes.

Fate seemed to have decided to test me even more, maybe read my post yesterday and decided to crash my remaining self-esteem altogether.

Why can't I get used to this? Why?

I feel so disheartened right now although I have this strange feeling that this is another one of those chapters in life that something is to be learned and afterwards it will bear fruits. But for now I have to be strong and resist being overcome by this shadow of gloom.

I should not think too much. I should not complicate life.

I should just be humble and accept things as they are.

Maybe this stepping down could actually be the start of moving up from the middle of a dead end plateau where I had been feeling that I've been stuck at.

I Ask Too Much

Have you ever wished for something but when you got it you were not overjoyed?

It was like finding the last piece to complete the puzzle but when you looked at the puzzle, the picture didn't make sense?

It isn't what I expected it to be. I feel that I just have no choice. I don't have that feeling that it is meant for me. I feel demoted, I am back to square one. I am already predicting all the possible miseries that could happen.

Why I am being like this? I should be thankful to God that He granted me this. It is a blessing. Perhaps the turn of events will eventually make things the way I hoped it would be. Perhaps I should just not expect too much. I should just be content with what was given to me. I should be happy.

Swallowing the Humble Pill for the Bullies

Do you get that feeling that you wished you could've spoken back to someone who has given you a judgemental remark or someone who has accused you of something you didn't do or someone said something to provoke you but the situations were just so trivial that you just shrugged off and ignore it?

For example, today at the mall, a salesperson blocked off my path to offer a beauty product and when I waved my hand off to say no and I continued walking, he just shouted after me "Are you taking care of yourself? I don't think you are." I just continued to walk away but for a split second I thought of walking back to him to tell him he definitely wouldn't get any customers if that's how he sells his products.

Most of the time, I avoid confrontation as much as possible so I just shrug it off. But sometimes I wonder if I should talk back, because I shouldn't let these kind of people get encouraged with their bullying. Besides, if they could hurt my feelings and ego, why can't I give the same back to them, right?

But then again, I always remind myself that if I did talk back to them to crash their ego, then I would not be any better than them and I would just be stooping down to their level of immaturity. So yes, most of the time I just take the humble pill and keep my mouth shut. However, I do believe there should be a balance, especially in times when you are being accused unjustifiably. Like this time in the cinema when this teenager sitting in front of me turned around to tell me to stop kicking on her seat. Well, I got ticked because I wasn't kicking her seat, I was shifting my legs so I had to answer back that I wasn't kicking her seat. These kids should learn how to considerate and be polite when confronting people!

So ok, balance. That's the formula. I hope I'd be able to have the wisdom to assert myself in a mature way in dealing with these little bullies which are big enough to ruin your day.

When You Are Sad

What you'd like to actually have is a listening ear and some assuring words.

Yes, you just need to hear all those cliche words of comfort like everything's going to turn out well, don't worry but just stay positive, it will happen in God's time, etc.

The last thing you want to hear is to be told that you're the one creating your misery even if it may be true.

On a dark 4:30pm

It's raining cats and dogs right now, complete with roaring thunder and flashing lightning.

It's only 4:30pm but it looks like it's 7pm. At least my bougainvillea plants got a shower today, I forgot to water them this morning.

I have just finished spring cleaning the living room, dining room and even the shoe closet. I should be happy with this achievement, as now it feels so nice to have a very clean surrounding. But no ring on my phone today, no important email in my inbox, nothing still that would motivate me to look forward to something.

I feel my positive battery is going low and I am starting to be anxious and restless. I really hate uncertainties, I hate waiting for a dateless time. I feel helpless.

What has happened? Have I jinxed myself?

I need to help myself, I need to reverse this negativity that is starting to consume me. For now just write, enjoy all these free time.

It will happen, missy. There is a great plan.

My dry hair was appreciated! :D

I received an email today from Locks of Love containing a Certificate of Appreciation for my donation. :D

Just a couple of hours earlier, I got a call from my last job telling me that they were giving me almost a month's salary bonus as an appreciation of the contribution I've done for the company during my 11 months placement with them.

Guess which of the two made me really happy?

I'm going to grow my hair long again ;)

Yeah, baby! Drive me crazy!

I passed my Singapore basic driving theory exam in one take last night! woohoo!

I thought it was going to be difficult because I heard that the exam was tricky but you just really have to diligently read and understand the driving handbook from cover to cover (about 60 pages) and you'll be fine ;)

So this morning I was finally able to convert my Philippines driving license to a Singapore driving licence in less than 15 minutes (I love being available to do these kind of stuff on weekdays!) No sweat! (Well except from the humidity, hehehe) ;) Just have to make sure you got all your documents and requirements with you.

Ok, so now I can drive in this island. Let's go!

But wait....I don't have a car! hahahaha :D


***
Helpful link on conversion of foreign license to Singapore licence

Job Interview

It is like a blind date.

You don't know how the ambiance would be, maybe you'll be in a big, cold conference room or a tiny, little space.

You don't know who will be sitting behind the panel to interrogate you.

Maybe the interviewer will be a warm person and then that'll be fantastic, or maybe just oblivious, which is still fine. But if you're running out of luck, you'll find someone who's ready to crash down your self esteem by almost feeling that your CV is literally being stomped at or crumpled into a ball and thrown into a rubbish bin in Mars. This is what we call a disaster date. You can't wait to get out of that interview room and strip your nicely ironed clothes off before you get infected with the Scrooge's virus. I've had a couple of those before and I hope I won't get anymore now that I am job hunting again.

Well, if we want to find the right match, we have to go through all of these, right?

Becoming a bumble bee - again!

Yeah, this is like déja vu, isn't it? It didn't feel like it has been only a year ago though. My being a bumble bee last year lasted for only about 6 weeks and this time I am hoping it would be shorter, given that the market has definitely picked up. If last year I was bold enough to quit my job at the peak of the economic crisis and managed to get a job, I shouldn't be scared this time, right? (Crossing my fingers and hoping I don't jinx myself by saying this!)

Anyhoo, I wanted to write about my musings on career, job and those stuff but that needs some kind of melancholic mood and right now I am in a perky, hyperactive state and I need to take this chance to get me rolling and have a good jumpstart.

And so of course, this means we are going to make a list. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we need that list to keep our sanity and focus and make ourselves feel that our existence still has some good purpose, hehe.

So here it goes:

1) Unpack all those things in the boxes - yup, 4 months since we've moved into our new place and hubby and I still have lots of our things in boxes!!!
2) Write the thank you cards for our wedding - it's never too late to say thanks, right?
3) Lose weight and lose that ugly tummy - no explanation needed, hahaha
4) Print out some wedding pictures and finish the album
5) Finish our wedding blog
6) Write vouches for my travbuddy friends
7) Get the critic award in travbuddy
8) Pass the basic theory driving test and get my Singapore driver license
9) Continue learning French
10) Enrol in flute lessons
11) Play more tennis - and to be maintained post bumble bee days!
12) Organize paper documents
13) Go cycling
14) Try on new make up and outfit styles
15) Swim
16) Learn new recipes
17) Think of themes for house parties
18) Learn one full dance song routine
19) Organize my shoes and wardrobe
20) Think of more environmental measures I can adopt in my lifestyle
21) Make new friends
22) Read more books
23) Print out those souvenir pictures for our souvenir frames
24) Job hunt - I almost forgot to write this! hahaha
25) Pray.

Wish me luck! :)

I need to go around the Philippines more!

My Lakbayan grade is C!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

My Snorkeling Milestone

I am happy and proud to say that I now know how to snorkel without panicking, hehehe. To think that I've almost given up on snorkeling because I thought I just didn't have the ability to breathe thru my mouth. So all I just needed actually was calm waters because those times I've tried snorkeling before, there were some big waves. Thank you calm waters of Honda Bay, Palawan, Philippines! :)

Now that I have proven that I can actually snorkel, maybe I can consider going for diving lessons? Hmmnn...

To you who look down on people from 3rd world countries

With all due respect, I request you that when travelling to a third world country, please do respect the rules and regulations and the people there.

And please, do not get hysterical and demand for local people not to speak in their native language in front of you. When a local who has tried to explain to you many times in perfect English their policies, starts talking to your local travel companion in their local language, it is obviously to ask help to explain to you again because if you did understand their English as you have been shouting in their faces, why did you still keep insisting your point and challenging their system? Duh.

Respect begets respect.

Another Goode Cartoon (but not for Kids)

It seems that hubby and I have this trend now of finding good things to watch during our holiday trips (or maybe we just watch too much TV! hehe). Last weekend, while relaxing in our hotel room in Ha Noi, Vietnam, we found this cartoon called The Goode Family on one of the cable channels (I think StarWorld). It about a "liberal", environmental, family who always try to be politically correct. The mom is the main driver of the principles of this family, some of which are so extreme that they forced their pet dog to be vegetarian like themselves.

I like the unconventional, modern setup and the sarcastic humour of this cartoon which obviously is made to be appreciated by adults only, oops, or rather, for the matured audience (being an adult is not equal to being matured, hehehe).

Here's the episode that we watched and which I found later on was the premier episode of The Goode Family. Enjoy!

Bogambilya

I've got a new obsession: watering our bougainvillea plants.

Yes, even if we live in condominium unit up on a high floor, we are fortunate that the design of our condo has a plant box right outside our living room window. So two weeks ago, I dragged hubby to the plant nursery near our place and we got us two pots of bougainvillea plants with lots of flowers in bloom. Yay! :D I thought that bougainvillea would be the perfect plant to liven up our window as it is not a high maintenance plant and would have a high chance of surviving in my greenthumb-less hands.

I've always had the notion that the bougainvillea plant loves lots of sunshine and less water. So at first we just watered it once a day. When we came back home from our 4 day holiday from Vietnam though, we were sad to see our dear plants wiltering and at the verge of drying up. Almost all the flowers fell and the leaves looked so tired and malnourished.

Well, it wasn't surprising of course, given the Singapore humidity. We were hoping that it would rain on at least one day during the time we were gone but obviously it didn't. And to top it off, the temperature had actually gone up. It was quite easy to forget that the hottest season in Singapore has started since 3 airplane hours away, we were in North Vietnam where the temperature suddenly dropped to 19 degrees celcius.

Anyhow, I thought I'd try watering the plants twice a day now, once in the morning and once in the evening just to see how the plants would take it. And hey! They seemed to like it because now they're back to looking healthy and there's a lot of growing buds now. Weeee! :D

And to finally satisfy my curiousity, I did a quick internet research about bougainvilleas and found out that they indeed love water as much as they love the sun! So now I'm just obsessing with looking at them every now and then when I'm at home to see if the soil is getting dry which means they need to be watered. Then I look at them some more to admire them and yes, sometimes I even talk to them to ask how they are. Hmmmnn, I've not gone crazy, have I? ;p

Rhymeee Timieee

This little fishie's got too many thoughts lately.
One of them is that she thinks she's turning into an auntie.
Because she's starting to lack some sponteinity,
The weighing scale is getting very heavy,
The waistline and tummy are becoming more bulgy.
Even if she is not at all preggy.
Is she losing her individuality?
Has she forgotten how to party?
Or is she just mastering the art of laundry?
Well she's starting to feel that she's ugly.
So something needs to be changed immediately.

Uh-oh, this is a little scary.

That Funny Children's Cartoon with a Phineas

During our quick getaway last weekend at Bintan, Indonesia, my husband and I were about to go out of our room to enjoy the beach when this cartoon on Disney Channel called Phineas and Ferb got me amused so I asked my hubby if we could stay in the room and just finish the episode "The Lake Nose Monster".

I swear that this episode is one the most hilariously funny scripts I've heard and I can totally say that it's almost equivalent to an episode of Friends. Not that this cartoon is for adults, this is a cartoon that is appropriate for kids indeed, but written with such a wit that would appeal to grown ups too. Just do not mispronounce Phineas or for sure it would definitely sound like an adult cartoon, hahaha (it's pronounced Fee-nee-yas, how did you pronounce it first? :P )

There's something we found interestingly bizarre about this cartoon too. Ferb and the Dad have British accents. My husband guessed that Phineas and Ferb could be step brothers. I dismissed this and said probably not because kids' cartoon usually features a "traditional" family set up. But then, after doing some "research" about this cartoon, I found out that my husband is right, Phineas and Ferb are step brothers! Ferb and his dad are from England and Phineas, his mom and sister Candace, are American (and I should move on, evolve and adjust to the new modern day cartoon world, hahaha).

I actually like it how this cartoon used an unconventional family setting to show realism instead of dysfunction. Even the family pet is unconventional (what other cartoon would have a platypus as a pet! haha)

Anyhow, my husband and I enjoyed this cartoon so much that up to now we are still mimmicking some lines we borrowed from it. Makes me consider to subscribe to Disney channel now, hehehe.

(Snap fingers) OK! :P

********

Here's the episode. Enjoy!

Part 1

Part 2

Lady Gaya-Gaya***

Inspired by my little sis, I did it too! :D

I got my hair cut and donated it to Locks of Love . I just hope they won't mind my dry hair, hehehe.

Before

Now

The memory of the dry hair :P

***Gaya-gaya - Filipino word meaning "copy cat".