7,107 reasons to go back to the Philippines

It has been raining the past few days during the morning, and it's not just the usual Singapore rain, it had been raining really hard, with strong winds, thunder and lightning. This morning was again another one. Perhaps these rains might be related to the typhoon in the Philippines, which I heard was very strong. It's going down south, so maybe...But the good thing about here in Singapore is that there are no typhoons, and rains last for only a few hours, and so I expected that the rain would stop by noon and my BBQ + Swimming party in the afternoon would go as planned.

By early afternoon, the rain did stop, although the weather remained cloudy. I prepared the food for the party: tilapia fish, squid, pork chops, chicken, corn, marshmallows and the dish i most enjoyed preparing -- the Japanese style skewer of asparagus wrapped in bacon. It was a lot of work but I was happy because I think this was the first time I hosted a party at my place in my 3 years of my residence there. Not that I didn't want to, but I live in the northwest part of Singapore and most of my friends live in the east and therefore, my area was not really a choice for party venues. I am often teased that I already live in Malaysia, which I don't mind being teased about, because my place is indeed near the border of Johor Bahru :) But the west is very homey and tranquil, so even if most of my friends like the east because it was nearer the city, I still preferred to stay where I was. Anyways, 5pm arrived and my friends started to arrive, and after a couple of hours and some unexpected challenge to make the fire start and make some good charcoal burning, we finally managed to get the food cooked.

I had a lovely and fun evening with my good friends over our yummy barbecue dinner. For dessert we had some of my two "birthday" cakes which a couple of friends brought. Yeah, it wasn't my birthday but I think in some way it was, as I am about to do something that would be like my rebirth.

I believe that there comes a time in your life that somehow you feel like you lost yourself -- from trying to catch up with people's expectations, with the norms, with your own goals, with the bites of reality, with heartaches; from having no choice but to grow up and become an adult. And what better way to find yourself again than to trace back from where you grew up.

So, I am going back to the Philippines, my land, my home, my roots.

The Trial of the Just

A month down the road, I am back on my feet, moving on. However, there are still times that will hit me and suddenly I will feel scared and weak and I start to question again why things happened as such and why I had to suffer even if my intentions are pure. During my weakest days, both my mother and my mom advised me to pray. My mom said to call on the holy spirit to be with me, my mother said to read the Proverbs. Indeed, mothers know best; I opened my Bible and read the one that made me have a good sleep that night.

Psalm 73

1 A psalm of Asaph.

How good God is to the upright, the Lord,

to those who are clean of heart!

2 But as for me, I lost my balance; my feet all but slipped,

3 Because I was envious of the arogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

4 For they suffer no pain; their bodies are healthy and sleek.

5 They are free of the burdens of life; they are not afflicted like others.

6 This pride adorns them as a necklace; violence clothes them as a robe

7 Out of their stupidity comes sin; evil thoughts flood their hearts

8 They scoff and spout their malice; from on high they utter threats.

9 They set their mouths against the heavens, their tongues roam the earth.

10 So my people turn to them and drink deeply of their words.

11 They say, "Does God really know?", "Does the Most High have any knowledge?"

12 Such, then, are the wicked, always careferee, increasing their wealth.
13 Is it in vain that I have kept my heart clean, washed my hands in innocence?

14 For I am afflicted day after day, chastised every morning.

15 Had I thought, "I wil speak as they do," I would have betrayed your people.

16 Though I tried to understand all this, it was too difficult for me

17 Till I entered the sanctuary of God and came to understand their end.

18 You set them, indeed, on a slippery road; you hurl them down to ruin.

19 How suddenly they are devastated; undone by disasters forever!

20 They are like a dream after waking Lord, dismissed like shadows when you arise.
21 Since my heart was embittered and my sould deeply wounded,

22 I was stupid and could not understand; I was like a brute beast in your presence.

23 Yet I am always with you;

24 With your counsel you guide me, and at the end receive me with honor.

25 Whom else have I in the heavens? None beside you delights me on earth.

26 Though my flesh and my heart fail, God is the rock of my heart, my portion forever.

27 But those who are far from you perish; you destroy those unfaithful to you.

28 As for me, to be near God is my good, to make the Lord God my refuge.I shall declare all your works in the gates of daughter Zion.

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This is for us, missy. Let's not give up.