Fattaya

One little remark made me do three hundred crunches and shed a thousand tears. And instead of enjoying the rest of the evening here in Pattaya, Thailand (yes, the pun with the title is very much intentional), I am in blogosphere about to rant out.

I have always been fat for most of my life. While in Western countries people would not even consider me overweight, unfortunately, I am Asian, moreso, a Southeast Asian, and in this part of the world's standards slim is the beautiful. And if you're not slim, then you're considered fat.

The amazing thing is, when you're actually obese, nobody would tell to your face that you're fat. But for people like me who were born with the chubby genes, there is always a generous greeting of about how you look: "Tumataba tayo ah, mukhang hiyang ka sa ___ "

English Translation: Hey, you look fatter, seems like you're quite comfortable with [insert whatever recent change in your life like being in a new relationship, getting married or having moved to a new location].

Never mind if you had just saved the world, as long as you have gained weight, that's the first thing to be noticed about you (especially by Filipinos, it's a part of our culture which I hate).

This is so unfair. I just eat like a normal person and yet I still gain weight. I already tried cutting down on food, but as I have observed, it was useless. I will never be skinny unless I become anorexic. I am just really one of those unlucky ones with slow metabolism and therefore we need to exert extra effort to not keep on ballooning by doing lots of exercise. My being short in height makes it even worse...and don't let me start talking about the mockings and sufferings I had because of my height, I have already gotten over that insecurity in my early adult life when I finally accepted there is nothing I can do about that.

Ok, fine. I guess I also just have to accept the fact that I am one of those who have to work harder to look physically acceptable. I can't afford to just relax each day and enjoy those lazy times with my husband. I have to run my a** off and burn those calories everyday. I have to sweat like a pig (no pun intended this time but heck, even this figure of speech is so mean!) to make up for my very laid back metabolic rate.

Arrrgh!!! I want to look great!!!

Off with this ten kilos!!!

For Grandpa

I wish I was there last Friday to read this out to you personally:

I remember we first met five years ago during spring when we visited you in your mobile house. My first impression was wow, you live on your own, and you drive your car at 94 years old. You must be Superman (and now I realize where Captn Marvel got his powers from). I remember regretting not having a picture of us taken together.

I shouldn't have been surprised that when you saw me again in summer the following year, you still remember me..and more. You remembered A LOT about me. I remember another regret on this trip - I should've shaken that salad dressing bottle before pouring onto your salad, because you made a face during dinner when we asked you how you liked it.

The memory of winter the following year is still fresh in my mind. We spent Christmas and New Year together with the family, it was one of the best holidays of my life. And then we celebrated your birthday, where we surprised you with a candle lit cake...I remember you shedding a tear because you were really touched. I didn't tell you this, but seeing you looking happy that night touched my heart.

The last time we saw each other was early fall two years ago. And there is one thing I will never forget during this time - you unintentionally locked me out of the house while I was busy emoting at the front yard. This memory always brings a smile to my face and this is how I will remember you, a grandpa who always bring a smile to our face.

You lived a full life, Grandpa, and I am very thankful to God, that even for just a short time, I had been given privilege to be, in a little way, part of it.