Years ago I used to be this uptight person. I was easily disappointed when things don't usually go the way I hope (or expect) them to be, and most of the time it does not really happen the way you want it to, right? I had angsts and so I had my cranky times.
One of the benefits of going through emotional challenges in life is that once you overcome them, then you become emotionally mature.Your patience and understanding gets extended...a lot, depending on how much you are willing to embrace life's scars and accept that it had been a part of your life and you just have to see it in a positive way. It depends how much excess baggage in your heart you are willing to give up.
And so I can say I have matured emotionally the way I have changed my attitude about life. I loosened up and became a bit laid back. I just laugh now at my own embarrassing moments instead of skulking down in shame. I don't get too disappointed anymore when things don't go my way because I know God will give to me what I ask for in the right moment.
I have therefore evolved into this cheerful and friendly little lady. I try to be considerate and understanding on everyone. I try to cheer up and inspire anyone I can in my own simple way. Some may find me naive, but then I don't mind, it is this naivety that does not give up on keeping the world a pleasant place to live in, in putting the art in science, in putting the softness and grace in steel, in keeping alive the child within.
I have been told more than once that I am "too kind". Though I initially thought there's nothing wrong with being too kind, I did have come to realize that yes, there are some disadvantages of being too kind. For one, once you suddenly get fed up and lose your temper for example, people would take it so much against you, like you have no right to snap because you are a "kind" person. Then there is of course the tendency of being taken advantage of and getting bullied around.
However, I am still human. I still get hurt. I am just tired that some people can really be rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate. I am very sad to realize that many people don't exert the effort anymore to say things in a nicer way. Is it that hard to do? Is it hard to think a few more seconds on how to phrase your words and say it with empathy? I am getting tired of being the one to adjust and try to understand. Why can't they adjust instead? It is like draining me of my energy to keep a jolly mood. I feel like snapping.
But I cannot snap. I have to continue being miss congeniality because I would like to keep a light heart. So right now I am trying my best to shrug off whatever is disturbing me and just try to inspire myself with the help of my good friends. I just need to recharge. If only I could get zapped to a place where I could relax and get pampered. If not, I wouldn't mind also if I could get sucked inside a blackhole for a few days...
I believe in the ability of man to change for the better, and given the right approach and opportunity, I believe each person has a bud full of potentials inside them just waiting to bloom. I just wish each person would try to nurture that bud of kindness and let it bloom with understanding and compassion.
6 comments:
I say Amen to your prayers.
That's human being.. world needs those ingredients to complete..the good the bad and the ugly.
Anyway...i love to see you become Miss Congeniality...perhaps you're a kind person with great compassion. Your dear friends would very much agree with me.
Remember your mantra: try to be nice and you'll infect others. Probably now the results is very disheartening but have faith that the kindness that you saw in those people, no matter how trivial you think it may, will take a place in their heart and will never be forgotten.
You don't have to look far to see the fruits of your kindness dude ;)
I used to believe (and still want to believe) that people are fundamentally good. That given half a chance they will choose to rise in glory rather than descend to the depths. As I get older, it gets harder and harder to believe this. (Although, I must confess that the number of really nice bloggers I've met helps reaffirm my original view).
I too tend to be regarded as a nice guy - albeit overly serious. I am stoic rather than bubbly. However, I am also perceieved as balanced and just. So, in moments when I am tired or stressed, I can esily say something that causes great hurt or offense - even if this might be typical for other guys to say.
I think people mellow naturally as they grow older (or else they atrophy).
The thing that bugs me most is the feeling that I put more effort into my relationships than other people do with me. I have often been cautioned (first by my mother and now by Sofia) that I do too much for my friends - more than I get in return.
It becomes tiring to be the one to always call people up, organie, invite and then feel left out because "friends" did not include or invite you. I don't know. I am still trying to work things out in my life (and I am 40).
I think as we get older, our certainty of things diminishes, questions increases, faith in people decreases.
Not tha tI am trying to be pessimistic. There is no point in that. For me, reality has always been important - but my view of reality and the reality which surrounds me seem so very different.
I can understand the desire to withdraw. I have felt it over the past few years. At the worst, I felt like simply disappearing for two years on my own (actually, the worst was when I felt like crawling up under a rock and fading away).
Persevere, things do get better. Get lots of sleep and eat well - those go a long way to improving ones mental and emotional state.
Take care.
(P.S. I doubt very much you could be more naive than me.)
Dearest Prince, Aoisoba and Richard,
Thank you so much for all your words of encouragement, they have made me feel better.
Hugs to each one of you. =)
Let's keep the faith!
God bless.
Yeah. nothing else we can do but to keep the faith I guess. AT the end of the day what matters is how we perceive things and the positive side of life and how to deal with the negative realities...coz it actually stings down to the deepest layers of our soulful emotions. Despite the sad outcome of what the society is growing into, we should still hold on to our passion in life and do what we think is right regardless of the inability of some people to trully understand the real essence of it all. We are here for a reason, no matter how significant that reason might be.
Foy, we are both the same....."too king". Sometimes I tend to get so tired....so exhausted.....so drained. but then, even if i want to be bitch and just be a bad girl, there's this little voice at the back of mind, screaming....this world doesn't need another one of those cruel people who don't even give a damn about others.
We are who we are Foy. we might have our ups and downs, but then.....there's always purpose in this existence. Life is a journey. through the turmoils of each day, as we face this society.....challenges will always come face to face with us....and it's how we handle this that would make a difference..in our little way.
*hugZ* i hope you can visit me soon here in New Zealand.
Missy dear, thanks so much for your insights. God has blessed me to know people like you and my new and old friends who make me keep my faith. I will definitely visit you there in NZ! *hugs* God bless.
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