To begin with, the title should have been Gong Xi Fa Cai since today is the eve of Chinese New Year and I wanted to write something happy and light that commemorates this event. Like how I enjoy having the food bazaars all around Singapore during these times and how I am amused with all the real little ponkan fruits used as decors at the lobby or door entrances of offices here. I would also have wanted to write about being scared with the chinese dragon, especially when it does the dragon dance. I would have wanted to write something light, like how I am tryingto be just cheerful and just take things one day at a time. I would have been saying carpe diem, seize the day.
But instead here I am wanting to shout c'est la merde. All because of my career. I have been so patient and tolerant of all the challenges I have encountered, of all the surprises I have encountered: my baptismal by fire when my mentor suddenly quit barely two months when I joined the company, leaving me all alone to handle all the work in Asia; when 6 months after that my supervisor suddenly told me he would be transferred to another department and will be replaced by a new hiree, leaving me the primary manager for another major domain and managing myself for almost half a year; and barely 6 months after that, I just read from my email during my vacation in December that my most senior teammate was transferring to another department, leaving me again with of course, added responsibilities. I don't understand it anymore, how come everyone else can just move so suddenly and yet when now that I request to be moved just to another office they could not even give me a straight answer? To think that my request is not even demanding, evenso, there is a vacancy to that position I am asking and I am willing to wait for a year or 18 months as I was told. They say I am important to the company and they don't want me to go and yet I do not comprehend why they are doing this to me. How do they expect me not to worry about not getting my request when I do not even have the slightest assurance? How do they expect me to be optimistic when I told myself that if they made that one specific move now that I have expressed my intentions leading to my request it would be the ultimate indication that I am just holding on to an empty hope. How could I stop crying when it hurts, really hurts? I feel so cheated, so cheated from being taken away from a dream, from the life I so much wanted, from the warmth of the love I so much long for.
It is not fair, when I should be getting very excited about taking my flight tonight going back to my homeland for this long weekend, here I am ranting and crying instead. This is not fair, this is not at all fair.
5 comments:
Except in very rare cases, a company does not look out for your best interests - they look out for theirs. You are a tool, an asset, a commodity for them to achieve their goals - not yours.
If you want career growth, if you want to advance, if you want to develop, you have to do it. Nobody is going to "recognize" you; nobody is going to "advance” your career because nobody is looking out for you. All they care is that you do your job adequately.
I was raised with two notions about work that I think are less than ideal (and even now, I still struggle to overcome them): (1) if you work hard, people notice and you will be suitably rewarded and promoted (no, they do not, they only notice when you make a mistake or fail), (2) hang on to a decent job (ok, but I also want it to be fulfilling).
People who want to advance their careers do it by moving up - but not in the same company, they move up by going to other companies. You should never leave a job to go to a parallel job, you always leave to advance or learn new skills.
Take a deep breath and go out and enjoy the New Year celebrations. You can't get back the time you are upset or unhappy. So smile and enjoy yourself (on the other hand, today is Ash Wednesday, not exactly joyful time – well, it still is on this side of the world)
I like the new avatar. At least now I know you are more than just a head of hair.
cool ka lang, foy. enjoy muna sa vacation. pagbalik, you'll probably have a clearer head.
Just read this and thought of your situation:
A highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. She arrived in heaven where she was met by God.
"Welcome to heaven," said God. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. Strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem God, just let me in." said the woman.
God replied, "What we're going to do is let you spend a day in hell and a day in heaven and then you can choose where you want to spend an eternity."
God put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends – fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at heaven and found God waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," God said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," God said.
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in hell."
So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff."
kakairita di ba? hinga ka lang ng malalim....
sige na nga dito ka na nga lang maghuramentado ...o hinga na!!
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