Fascination and Hyperventilation

These two are parts in the cycle that I have seem to be into in relation with men eversince I made myself available in the ocean.

Fascination would be the first part. A man gets fascinated with me, maybe because I am friendly, I am bubbly. And perhaps because I have that naive look on me and then he gets amused to find out that I am actually capable of becoming daring.

Then I get serious. I fall for him. And I start to show my deep, thinking side.

Which leads to the second part of the cycle: hyperventilation. Hyperventilation is when you cannot breathe properly; you take breaths in short intervals, like you are running out of air, gasping; and your heart beats faster than normal; it would be like that of an asthma attack, I suppose. This happens because at some point, I would encounter an experience that would indicate to me that this man's fascination to me has ended. It will happen in such a way that I would feel like an ice cold pail of water is thrown on my head, at the moment I am not expecting it. Then yes, the hyperventilation follows after. The pail of water actually has a pattern too -- usually, it'll be in the form of another woman.

So it'll hurt. After all the effort and putting your guards down to express that you like him, you would get an in-your-face-slap of icing that says the joke is on you.

Well, ok, maybe I'm just gullible. And I guess it's just me and all of what I'm doing are all just self-inflicted?
Hello?!?!? Why would I want to torture myself?!?!

Fine, if that's the name of the game, then I'm outta it. Am I sounding so bitter now? Hmm, I'm not really bitter. I'm just tired. I'm tired of all these games that men play. I don't find it flattering at all to be approached by men who think I'm an easy prey. Before, I used to give the benefit of the doubt and extend my patience but now I just want to put a sign board in front of me to say:

"Stay away if you just want to play. Please don't waste my time. I'm a good girl. And even if I tried to be wild, the thing is, I was designed to be just the girl-next-door. I'm not somebody made to be just a fling. I'm someone you bring home to your parents. I'm naive, I'm gullible.Oh, I'm boring? Fine. I'm sure you'll find lots of fun girls out there, I am not competing with them. Bye."

Anyway, my point is, I am really, really, really, tired from all of this. I am tired of being like always up on my toes, waiting for the catch, you know that pail of water to end it all even when things seemed to be happy. I'm just so done with all these. I am not letting it happen again. I don't care if I would seem unreceptive or cold, I am not exerting extra effort anymore, even if I like him.

But what if I finally have met Mr. Right? Well, too bad, since he came at this point, he just have to endure the consequences that the other Mr. Wrongs have brought about. I know I am not being fair, but at this point, I have to take precaution now, I have to take care of myself or totally lose the remaining trust I have left for the male specie. Besides, if he is the Mr. Right, he would stick around, to break the cycle, to tell me that he is staying and that he is not just passing through my life. He is going to melt the heart that I have already frozen. And there is no catch, just sincere true love.

There, all's said. Now, let's move on to other more time worthy stuff.