December six to ten

Monday - I quit my job.

Tuesday - My boss talked some sense to me. It worked. So now I've still got a job.

Wednesday - Hubby got summoned by the traffic police officer for crossing the road on a red light (yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is Singapore!). Hubby was very frustrated. I talked some sense to him. It worked. Not just for him but for me as well.

Thursday (today) - Took the train from work and went to Orchard Road by myself. Went for some Christmas shopping, had Peppermint mocha frap in Starbucks, wrote down in my journal.
Enjoyed this very much, haven't done this in a long time. Took mental note to do this from time to time.
Happy again.

Friday (tomorrow) - I hope the happiness still lasts.

Easy A and Season Parking

I watched the movie Easy A tonight tonight. Loved it very much.

Then I thought about how to stop my way to obesity.

Suddenly, I remembered that I forgot to pay for my season parking at work.

The three sentences state something on their own but then they are actually connected to form one big plan.

Five days of 31

Triggered by a glass of champagne and bad service, she could no longer hold it.
All emotions poured out as he drove them away from that rabbit hole.
Insecurities, inhibitions and fears engulfed her like a dark cloud.
What a sad day, why did she even let it end that way?
Because she felt weak, so weak that she just gave up the fight.
It was her lack of faith that she let preside.
For things are beyond her control again and everything seem to be in plateau.
For there's this one enormous thing, the one which defines it all, that which is holding everything up. And only patience can pacify the restlessness it brings.
And so she prays, that everything will fall into place once again at the right time...hopefully, soon enough.

The Continuous Search for Inspiration

An old feeling has resurfaced, one which was thought was already outgrown.
A feeling that has been there from innocence to ignorance, until jadedness made it forgotten.
It is amazing (and amusing) to realize that it had been there all the while, just in different forms.
It's all the same, the giving of trust..but now with more caution, more defense, something that has been learned from the years, to avoid falling in a pit.
It shouldn't be that way.
So just take things lightly.
Enjoy the confidence it brings.

Question of the day

Will you attend a bridal shower you got invited to, for a wedding you are not invited to?

Curious.

Bathroom Specs

There's been one thing I've been wanting to do since we moved into our condo unit last year - renovate the masterbedroom bathroom. I think it should be the first thing that one should do after buying a resale property.

Our unit is ten years old and although the bathroom is still relatively ok, you can already see that it needs some upgrading. Since we didn't have budget yet for renovations when we moved in, I was thinking of at least just even replacing the toilet bowl seat but apparently our toilet bowl shape is not the usual and we are having a hard time finding a toilet seat match! Anyways, now I am really obsessing on getting a total bathroom overhaul and I've been bugging hubby more and more about it and we've started to save up for this.

So before I lose the little post-it where I listed down my bathroom specifications, let me write them down here:

• Place to conveniently hang 2 towels
• His and hers sinks
• Sliding mirror cabinet
• First aid kit storage
• Cleaning materials
• Detached bathtub (currently, what we have is cemented on the floor)
• A sitting area (to conveniently wash/put on lotion on legs)
• Shampoo and soap holder that would not take a lot of space and would not rust
• Bidet
• White light and dim lights
• Rainshower style shower plus option for the movable shower
• A place for the clothes hamper
• Magnifying mirror
• No wooden and steel materials as much as possible

All of these would be a challenge given that our bathroom is quite small but anything is possible with very good interior design.

Now I need to start looking for materials and good contractors to get an idea how much this would cost.

Just count your blessings instead of sheep

When I worry and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

~o~o~o~

Praying for a miracle to happen before the candle stops burning....

Adultology

It's been a year now since my hubby and I purchased our house and so we have started to receive mails on renewal of insurances.

Hubby: Hon, one day next week, let's sit down and look over our house files and discuss which insurance we need to renew.

Me: Really!? But that's such an adult thing to do!

(Hubby suddenly looked like he had the word flabbergasted spelled all over his face )

Me: Oh yeah, I forgot we're adults now. Hihihi (grins and bats eyelashes) :P

The past year has really made me feel like I've fully become an adult, from the combo of getting married and turning 30, then managing our mortgages, the house, the car, etc etc. Sometimes, there are quick flashes in my mind to be stubborn and refuse to accept that I am already a full fledged adult but then I quickly dismiss it as I know I prefer my life now than before during my immature days when I felt lost.

One thing that I noticed about being an adult is that life becomes a little bit slow paced than usual. Maybe it's because being an adult makes one be less impulsive. I used to love to try out rollercoasters and those crazy rides in amusement parks during my younger days, heck perhaps I would've even tried bunjee jumping and sky diving if I was given the opportunity to, the scarier, the better. But now, I just chicken out on these kind of stuff. Last month, when hubby convinced me to ride an indoor roller coaster (Revenge of the Mummy) in Universal Studios Singapore with him at the frontmost seats, I almost hated him during the ride. I was so scared! But then hearing his laughter during the ride was enough for me to calm down my nerves and tell myself to just enjoy that exciting moment. Funny how getting older makes one fear for their dear life, hehehe.

So being an adult means to be more critical in making decisions in life. No wonder it can be a tempting excuse for becoming boring and mundane. But of course, we shouldn't let that happen, right? We should never forget to remain young at heart.

Gosh, what have I just blabbered about?! Now I wonder what I would be writing when I turn 40! Aaack! :s

Hello Technopark

First it was in the academe, then to the corporate world. Now, is another new adventure: the technopark.

What does this mean?

It means I now work somewhere in the suburbs (away from the central business district) working with local clientele. Instead of working to support people in Finance, my work now makes me deal with Property Managers, Administrative Officers, Engineers and Technicians. And instead of being sent to offices outside Singapore from time to time, I now go to the remote areas around Singapore (now I understand what my hiring manager meant when he asked me during my job interview if I was willing to travel, hehehe).

It's quite a change actually - the work environment, the culture, the pace, the customers...I've been used to working with a global team where we were remotely working with each other. Now, I work with a local team, where we are all sitting together in one area and you can just walk over to one's desk to talk to each other (it is quite funny though to realize that physical proximity does not equate to responsiveness nor to rappor). I am definitely out of my comfort zone right now, being in an industry that I am not familiar about and working on a technology that I don't have technical knowledge about. It shouldn't really be a big deal though, since my role now is more into project management (however, that's another funny thing, being a manager without the title and managing people who are not reporting to you).

Oh well, as what Forrest Gump said, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get". Yup, not until you dip your hand into that box and see what type of chocolate you got. As for me, on the good day I can learn to like peanut butter chocolate but on a bad day I'd consider throwing it away.

So what day is it today?

Cocococoffeeeeeeeeee

(*Read with a husky, soft voice*)

I want coffeeeeeee...
My eyes are getting so heavyyyyyyy
I need coffeeeeeee...

Two more hours to burn and it's driving me crazyyyyyyy

I have no choice, it is inevitable this time to get myself some coffee...

Ok, to explain what rubbish I've just written above, it's been a month now since I decided to cut my daily dosage of coffee.

Why am I forsaking coffee now? How can I be the coffeefairy if I don't have coffee?

Well, i'm not really saying goodbye to coffee. Just that this is part of my decision to significantly reduce my caffeine intake. So actually besides coffee I'm also holding off from tea and my other favorite drink, Coke light. I know I can't just go cold-turkey on coffee (i'll go berserk for sure!) so I'm taking this abstinence gradually. I still allow myself to have coffee once a week and on emergency situations (e.g. on a sleepy day at work).

It is not easy to give up coffee especially when you know you have an endless supply of it in the office. There's one time that I really wanted to have one cup because the aroma was sooo inviting so to satisfy myself I got one cup indeed, but I just took a sip and then just smelled the rest of it. Hahaha, pathetic? Nah, that's what I call convincing myself that I am not doing this because I want to punish myself. I need to be healthy and fit and this is one part of making it happen.

I can do this!

Right?

When will it be my turn?

I thought it was today but apparently, it's not (again).

*Big sigh* :,(

Fattaya

One little remark made me do three hundred crunches and shed a thousand tears. And instead of enjoying the rest of the evening here in Pattaya, Thailand (yes, the pun with the title is very much intentional), I am in blogosphere about to rant out.

I have always been fat for most of my life. While in Western countries people would not even consider me overweight, unfortunately, I am Asian, moreso, a Southeast Asian, and in this part of the world's standards slim is the beautiful. And if you're not slim, then you're considered fat.

The amazing thing is, when you're actually obese, nobody would tell to your face that you're fat. But for people like me who were born with the chubby genes, there is always a generous greeting of about how you look: "Tumataba tayo ah, mukhang hiyang ka sa ___ "

English Translation: Hey, you look fatter, seems like you're quite comfortable with [insert whatever recent change in your life like being in a new relationship, getting married or having moved to a new location].

Never mind if you had just saved the world, as long as you have gained weight, that's the first thing to be noticed about you (especially by Filipinos, it's a part of our culture which I hate).

This is so unfair. I just eat like a normal person and yet I still gain weight. I already tried cutting down on food, but as I have observed, it was useless. I will never be skinny unless I become anorexic. I am just really one of those unlucky ones with slow metabolism and therefore we need to exert extra effort to not keep on ballooning by doing lots of exercise. My being short in height makes it even worse...and don't let me start talking about the mockings and sufferings I had because of my height, I have already gotten over that insecurity in my early adult life when I finally accepted there is nothing I can do about that.

Ok, fine. I guess I also just have to accept the fact that I am one of those who have to work harder to look physically acceptable. I can't afford to just relax each day and enjoy those lazy times with my husband. I have to run my a** off and burn those calories everyday. I have to sweat like a pig (no pun intended this time but heck, even this figure of speech is so mean!) to make up for my very laid back metabolic rate.

Arrrgh!!! I want to look great!!!

Off with this ten kilos!!!

For Grandpa

I wish I was there last Friday to read this out to you personally:

I remember we first met five years ago during spring when we visited you in your mobile house. My first impression was wow, you live on your own, and you drive your car at 94 years old. You must be Superman (and now I realize where Captn Marvel got his powers from). I remember regretting not having a picture of us taken together.

I shouldn't have been surprised that when you saw me again in summer the following year, you still remember me..and more. You remembered A LOT about me. I remember another regret on this trip - I should've shaken that salad dressing bottle before pouring onto your salad, because you made a face during dinner when we asked you how you liked it.

The memory of winter the following year is still fresh in my mind. We spent Christmas and New Year together with the family, it was one of the best holidays of my life. And then we celebrated your birthday, where we surprised you with a candle lit cake...I remember you shedding a tear because you were really touched. I didn't tell you this, but seeing you looking happy that night touched my heart.

The last time we saw each other was early fall two years ago. And there is one thing I will never forget during this time - you unintentionally locked me out of the house while I was busy emoting at the front yard. This memory always brings a smile to my face and this is how I will remember you, a grandpa who always bring a smile to our face.

You lived a full life, Grandpa, and I am very thankful to God, that even for just a short time, I had been given privilege to be, in a little way, part of it.

I miss being a bookworm

I have not been as actively reading as I used to be during my single (and lonely) days. But I think I better revive my reading activities because one of the things I have observed about myself lately is that I now often find myself at a lost for words - both written and verbal. Worse, I think I am starting to develop an attention deficit disorder in reading. I find that it's now not easy for me to just give my full attention to something I'm reading. I get easily distracted and impatient that most of the time I end up skipping some paragraphs when reading short articles and then when reading books, I often have to re-read a paragraph or two before it fully sinks in. This is not a good trend at all!

Hence, I should really have to revive my literary reading life.

So to spark some inspiration, let me start then by enumerating a couple of books (oh my gosh, only a couple!?!) I had managed to read over the past few months:

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

A bestseller and highly recommended by a girl friend, I got very curious and finally got myself a copy. I enjoyed reading this book. It was written with such a witty and candid and yet profound way. I think free spirited women will be able to relate to this and contrary to feedback I read that this book is cultish, it does not at all impose what the author's views on religion and philosophy at all. In fact, I liked how the way Elizabeth Gilbert showed her openness to exploring different ways of showing faith. Furthermore, contrary to another feedback I read saying that the book was just about the author's whinings, I liked how she actually honestly wrote her thoughts and feelings in this book like she was telling it to a very close friend and so as a reader, I felt that connection with her as she talked about her real life experiences.

As like what usually happens next to bestseller books, it has been made into a movie already which is already showing the US but which will only be shown in Singapore in a couple of months, I believe, starring, who else of course, but Julia Roberts. Personally I think the producers should have picked a more low profile actress for the role but well, I'll save my thoughts on this on a movie review perhaps.

Anyhow, this book's sequel, Committed, is also already available. I think I'd like to read that too.

The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho

I got the book when I saw it one time I went to the bookstore. I didn't even know that Paulo Coelho was launching this new book. Anyhow, I got the time to finally read this while on a two week honeymoon in Mauritius.

I would have to say that this book made me see a new side of Paulo Coelho's writing. Although it has his usual deep and calm tone, it also has the feel of a mystery thriller book. It uses realism and dwells on modern day scenarios, quite different from the usually mystical writing style of the author.

I am not really sure why I couldn't put down the book and I just continued to read on and on. Maybe I was curious about the life of movies and showbusiness or maybe I just wanted to know how the story ends. I can't really say that I loved it since I found the story too tragic and hope wrecking. It was not your usual good wins, evil loses because Paulo Coelho left it up to the reader to decide who are the bad guys and who are the good guys and if death is the end or the start.

Under the sink

Do you see anything wrong with this picture?

Detergent, insect repellant, mutipurpose cleaner neatly placed on one side, sponges on the other side. It looks absolutely normal, right?

Apparently, we're wrong! Hehehe.

Detergents, bleaches, insect killers, multipurpose cleaners...these are all chemicals which may actually emit nonvisible fumes which can affect the quality of water in the tap. And if you get the water you drink from the tap, then you know what that means.

Would you believe I actually learned this from my company's New Staff Induction Programme? Yup, since my company now is into facility management, I get to learn workplace health and safety standards which I can apply at home. Cool huh? ;)

Deja vu

It's 2pm already and the thought of eating seem to still not appeal.
It feels like waking up a few years back. Those times when the world was just a fishbowl and you can only walk until where the string takes you.

I feel weak and scared. Everything's in a mess again. And it's my fault again.
I wish I don't see things the way I see them.
It hurts to be different. I wish I wasn't different. It would be easy then to be understood.

I wish I was just in a faraway place right now. A place where nobody knows me, a place where I don't need to ask to live up to expectations to be appreciated, a place where I won't be able to hurt anyone by expressing myself.

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
(By: B.Benjamin/S.Marcus/C.Cadwell )

Baby, you understand me now
if sometimes you see that I'm mad.
Don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel?
When everything goes wrong, you see some bad.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

You know sometimes, baby, I'm so carefree
with a joy that's hard to hide.
And then sometimes it seems again that all I have is worry,
and then you're bound to see my other side.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

If I seem edgy,
I want you to know,
I never meant to take it out on you.
Life has its problems,
and I get more than my share;
but that's one thing I never mean to do
'cause I love you.

Oh baby, I'm just human.
Don't you know I have faults like anyone?
Sometimes I find myself alone regretting
some little foolish thing;
some simple thing that I've done.

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good;
oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

Don't let me be misunderstood.
I try so hard,
so don't let me be misunderstood.

Send button

People you love may offend or hurt you without them even being aware of it. Should you even tell them about it, while at the back of your mind you know that there is a big risk of creating a ripple in your relationship with them out of saying your sentiments?

The words were already written, but at the last minute I decided not to hit that send button. I will just keep quiet until I can still bear it.

Reason Out

Sometimes I wish I was a bit more confrontational when people scold me for doing something that frustrates them when in fact i was just following directions. Like last week I went to the person in charge to get the application form for the season parking in the office building. I specifically asked her where I should pay when I get the form accomplished and signed. She told me I could just go to her.

So that's exactly what I did. This morning, I went to her desk and what did she tell me? "Next time go to the carpark office to pay". I was dumbfounded so it took me some time before I softly said "You told me to go to you to pay".

I wish I could have said it with more conviction and with more emphasis to make sure she'd recall having that conversation with me last week. But I was raised with the virtue of not talking back to elders as a sign of respect. Even if I've been living here for 5 years now, here where a lot of people seem to have this natural instinct to tell it to your face how wrong you are once they got the chance, I am still not used to it. Should I perhaps adapt and be like them? Hmmmn, I think I should just change my perspective.

It's not a cross...

...it's actually a bowtie, the Chevrolet logo, that is.

Tonight we picked up our new baby, a Sports Series Aveo. I just love those sexy 16 inch tire rims! :D

Thank you so much to my hubby for making another dream of mine come true!

Remember four years ago, I thought that the chances of me having a car in Singapore was almost nil? Well, things can really suddenly change once you meet the right one ;-)

Although it was short, it was sweet

It lasted only for a few minutes but it was one of those brief moments of ecstasy...

My grip was not tight, it was just light and right...

I felt like i was floating in the clouds...

ahhhh....yessss....

Then I switched off the engine after parking the car. hehe. :P

It was my first time to drive in Singapore and I loved it!
Although it didn't last long and probably I had driven at most a kilometer, it all felt soooo nice and I know I want to do this again and again!

Thank you for the test drive, Chevrolet. hehehe. ;D