This is not new. Seven months ago, I've been pondering on the same thing.
But many Sundays passed and I was diligently present, even the once in a while weekday or Saturday meetings for ad hoc activities. Somehow, I did manage to hold on to it..maybe because I hunger for learning God's words, I wanted to learn more about my faith. Which could probably explain why it was not sustainable. My intentions for staying in the class seems to be selfish. I stayed on for my own learning but I forgot that my goal should have been for the students to learn and develop their faith. I did try, but it was too much for me. I attribute it to cultural difference, because I was not confident enough to handle the intimidation of these teenagers as well as my co-catechishts and co-parishioners, it was hard to connect to them because I am from the third world, and they are from the first world. I speak and think differently. I have confusion and sadness inside me right now, battling for guilt not to eat me, and telling myself that God is not hating me for my decision to quit the class. But guilt is trying to trick me, convincing me that I have gone cold on God and that I will not be able to look straight at my co-catechists and the students when I see them at church. Perhaps yes, but then again I also know my heart is for God and I only want to do what I think would be best. Right now I am in the process of getting my own light before I could share it to others. I cannot get the light if doubts are clouding over me. I am not stopping here, I am just rerouting to a better path, where I feel that my way is still about the spirit and not the religion.
3 comments:
ey foyan! if u are interested, sali ka ng SFC. i just had my dedication today. problema nga lang is sa tampines sya. layo sayo.
let me know your later once ur ready to join =)
What does it matter if you are from the first world or thrid world? What does it matter if you speak and think differently?
There is only one Truth and it is that Truth which we are to seek. I can assure you that I act, think and speak differently from those around me - and I grew up here (mostly, I did spend the first 4 years of my life in Great Britain).
Faith is not something that is a fait accompli. It is a continuing evolution and growth, it is essential that you continue to learn about your faith, to grow your faith. Mine is shaped more by my own thoughts and what I believe the truth to be rather what I have been taught or read. Despite being a Roman Catholic, the truth is that I disagree in a number of areas with the Church (and not the ones that are popular to disagree with). I share a conservatism that goes well with the Church, but my reasons are different - so, while we may agree in the end, our paths and reasoning are different.
I have not been actively involved in my church for many years because my work and family make it difficult to do so. I miss the involvement. Maybe, later on I shall be able to participate once again.
Take care and don't be so hard on yourself. Remember, Jesus thought differently from those around him.
hi Joy! thanks. Dami na nga rin nag-iinvite sakin. I attended the orientation dati kaso nagconflict sched sa Catechism. Isip ko mag-join sa ibang ministry sa church e so tignan ko, i'll let you know if I decide to join. Thanks uli. God bless. =)
Thanks, Richard. The cultural difference I have experienced is I think something inevitable and it is something unintentional, I am just sad to realize that it has to happen this way. Anyway, I do am hoping to continue serving God in a way I know I will be happier. =)
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