Yahoo dedma

I guess even my yahoo avatar got tired and called it quits. Eversince I changed my Yahoo avatar to this seemed to be lost in the subway girl some months ago, it has stopped having emotions. You know, when you chat on yahoo messenger, the avatar is supposed to change emotions -- when you type hahaha or put a happy smiley, the avatar is supposed to laugh and similarly when you type huhuhu or put a sad smiley, the avatar is supposed to frown. But mine just stopped changing emotions. It just remained with that blank look no matter how many hahahas or huhuhus I type, it was just purely indifferent. Dedma.

So I thought I'd change it, change the outift and background and save it then itwould be back to the normally emotion changing capable avatar. But noooo!!! It still wouldn't smile.

Finally, I've had enough and I just selected and set it to very happy mode to keep my avatar continuously jolly. Talk about forcing happiness...

Reminds me what I've been doing at work lately after telling myself that I shouldn't let it affect my emotions (that is, I have restrained from being saddened/frustrated by unfavorable happenings nor be excited/motivated by empty hopes) -- I plaster this ready smile on my face even if inside I'm just feeling...nothing. I feel bad for doing this, because I want to mean it when I smile but it is very hard because it should come from the heart, but the heart is currently under retreat.

Oh well, I am being nonsensical again. I just wish I live in the 19th century as a European aristocrat, all I need to think about is how to look prim, proper and pretty (where beauty is about having more cloth to dress the flesh unlike today where it's the other way around) and I don't need to worry about being single because for sure by age 20 I'd be married during this era and atleast during this time men were still majorly composed of gentlemen. There was no quarter life crisis and complications, life was simple.