My first Singapore haircut

For a year that I've been here in Singapore, I've never had my hair done here because it is waaaaay more expensive here. I always waited to go home to Philippines since I go home usually every 3 months.

But this time I couldn't wait anymore, I had to have a haircut. My little sister can attest to that, she knows I really needed to have my hair fixed as she's seen it in it's most terrifying state.

And also I have been down lately, and I wanted something changed, improved, and usually my hair gets to do this challenging task of making me feel better. :P

Anyway, my hair is almost down to my waist line, and it has gone dead dry since it has been more than six months since I last went for a haircut.

So I went to a recommended hairsalon here and sat at the "judgement chair". For me, going for a haircut was always a risk, because you never know if the hairstylist will not murder your hair (like their definition of trim is cut 6 inches off your hair), unless you have a tried and tested hairstylist. So the first time with a new hairstylist is always a risk. Plus, I was going to spend hundreds of dollars! But good thing the hairstylist was really kind and she was very good and I felt she was just being concerned when she asked me if I comb my hair (see how terrible my hair was? hahaha). So after almost 4 hours and 350 singapore dollars, I went out of the salon with a satisfied smile. I am glad I took the risk because my hair deserves to be happy.

The Fading

Unsmiled smile

Waiting to be remembered

Waiting to be had

To mortalize the fantasy

To mortalize a phantom

Put a face behind the mask

Save the dying heart

Revive the graceful soul

Revive the shining light

For time almost ends

For tears almost dry

The blackness arrives

Two new books!

I love books and to be given a book as a gift is a great joy to me. It shows how much a person knows me. But the more interesting thing is the choice of book, that will truly indicate how fond that person is of me.

I got two new books last week. They are from two very important people in my life and I am deeply touched because their gifts show that they know me very well.



My new book #1
Common Phrases And Where They Come From
by Myron Korach in collaboration with John Mordock
First Lyons Press paperback edition, 2002


This was given to me by my Tito* Michael. On my way out from office last Tuesday night, our office secretary called me to hand me a package. Tito Michael sent me this book all the way from Riverside, California. What a treat!

He is really so thoughtful. He has seen my fascination with the idioms I heard him say during my vacation in their home last month. It's really interesting because the idioms he were using were those I don't usually read from books, perhaps they were more of conversational idioms native to California(?). So I found it really interesting, I've always been fascinated with the English language. Anyway, the book is about where the common phrases or idioms we use came from. It's really fun to read, it is not something like a text book that is trying to teach you history. It is written in an interesting way that'll make you just turn the pages.



My new book #2

Sunshine

by Robin McKinley

Published by The Penguin Group 2004

This book was a gift to me by my very good friend Mhean as a makeup gift. We recently had a misunderstanding but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise as it paved way for us to prove that we are true friends to each other. Isn't it a treasure to know how much you are valued as a friend?

The book was about vampires, and I am really moved about Mhean's choice of book. It makes me smile to realize she knows me that much, that she's one of the few who knows my fascination about vampires. The even more amazing thing is how specifically she knows what type of vampire story I like, because the book is about a vampire fairytale! ;-)

I have two new books. They may just be two of the thousands printed of their same kind but my two new books have been made unique and priceless by two very dear people in my life.

***********
*Tito - Tagalog for Uncle

Quitting catechism class (again?)

This is not new. Seven months ago, I've been pondering on the same thing.

But many Sundays passed and I was diligently present, even the once in a while weekday or Saturday meetings for ad hoc activities. Somehow, I did manage to hold on to it..maybe because I hunger for learning God's words, I wanted to learn more about my faith. Which could probably explain why it was not sustainable. My intentions for staying in the class seems to be selfish. I stayed on for my own learning but I forgot that my goal should have been for the students to learn and develop their faith. I did try, but it was too much for me. I attribute it to cultural difference, because I was not confident enough to handle the intimidation of these teenagers as well as my co-catechishts and co-parishioners, it was hard to connect to them because I am from the third world, and they are from the first world. I speak and think differently. I have confusion and sadness inside me right now, battling for guilt not to eat me, and telling myself that God is not hating me for my decision to quit the class. But guilt is trying to trick me, convincing me that I have gone cold on God and that I will not be able to look straight at my co-catechists and the students when I see them at church. Perhaps yes, but then again I also know my heart is for God and I only want to do what I think would be best. Right now I am in the process of getting my own light before I could share it to others. I cannot get the light if doubts are clouding over me. I am not stopping here, I am just rerouting to a better path, where I feel that my way is still about the spirit and not the religion.

Do you ever feel

Like you want to fly and then when you learn how and you start to soar higher is when you realize that your foot is actually tied to a string in a tree?

Like smiling and jumping for joy but you couldn't because it would cause another to cry?

I do
and I don't like it.

Temporary Tennis Timeout

I have fully recovered from the flu (as well as my li'l sister, thank God!) and just in time as my tennis instructor asked if I was back in Singapore. So tonight I resumed my tennis lessons and two months of no tennis, here's my status check:

My swing? Gone.

My grip? Gone.

My form? Gone.

My footwork? Gone.

My desire to bring them back?
All there. And that is all that matters.

I think in life this really happens, sometimes we lose the ability to do something after not practicing for a time, and it's just not physical activities, but even mental, emotional and spiritual abilities (and yes, we may even forget how to love). However, I also believe that abstinence or lack of practice will not make you totally forget, as once you learn it by heart, it will not be forgotten but may just be put in your "storage". Sometimes, it may not even be our choice to abstain from doing what we used to do by heart, as it may be inevitable on certain circumstances. But the important thing is, as long as you are determined to re-learn an ability, you will definitely gain it back (and yes, I do believe we can remember how to love again).

The Price for thinking I was Supergirl

After two months of flying around the globe, bouncing from Singapore to Paris back to Singapore then to California and back to Singapore, I think my antibodies got fed up and have finally revolted. Perhaps my bodyclock got too distorted with all the time changes, perhaps I lack sleep. One thing is certain, I am no supergirl =(

I didn't see it coming though, as after arriving in Singapore at almost 1am last Monday from California, I didn't have a problem going to work a few hours after. Except that my lips were chapping (no thanks to the added security enforced in all flights to and from United States that prohibited lip gloss/balm or anything gel like to be in a carry-on bag). However, on Tuesday night I started to get down with the flu. I felt my eyes and breath were very warm and my head was so heavy. By Wednesday I was sick enough not to be able to work. On Thursday, I got better and was able to go to work but whola! I lost my voice. It was like when you have shouted a lot in a concert and the following day you have no voice. But in my case my voice faded because of my cough and colds, I sounded terrible, people had a hard time recognizing me when I talk to them on the phone. It was actually hard to talk in the first place. By Friday, I still had cough and colds and my voice is still fading so I decided that it would be best to have complete rest to fully recover. So I called up my lead catechist to tell her I will not be able to help in the Youth camp over the weekend then I called up one ofmy best girlfriends to cancel our shopping-dinner date that night.Today, I accompanied my li'l sister to the clinic, she's also down with the flu and it seems I got her infected with my virus. =(

Now we're both quarantined in our condo, trying our best to get well. Hopefully, tomorrow we'll both be fully well.

Coffee home...

...is where the coffee heart is.

A San Diego Fable

One day, in a zoo, an ugly duckling suddenly found herself separated from her parents and lost among the crowd. She got scared, because losing her parents would make her feel all the guilt, as perhaps she'd been a bad duckling because she did not stick by their side that's why she got lost. Still, she tried to hide her fear and tried to get a hold of herself. She got tired from looking for her parents that she decided to sit down for a while. Then suddenly a white swan sat beside her and she was awed by its magnificence. It was a father white swan, and he seemed to know that something was wrong, so he asked her if she was lost. The ugly duckling hesitated for a moment, as she yet had to assess whether she could trust the white swan and it was safe to talk about her situation. As she felt the sincerity of the father swan, she finally admitted she was lost and she started to cry and it seemed like she could'nt help tears fall down her cheeks. The kind father swan offered to help and from then on she knew that she found a best friend in him. Together, they walked and found her parents waiting for her in a nearby corner. They didn't know that she got lost, they thought she just went to see the Pandas so they were not surprised to see her be back. But the ugly duckling did not tell them what really happened, she thought it was better to stay that way as it would just might spoil a jolly mood. As they walked away, she looked back at the white father swan, he was so grand and he was like an angel to her. She looked at her parents, they have brown feathers, small body and beak compared to the swan. Though she wished she could be a swan, she knew she would never become a swan, but then again, she realized that she could always become a beautiful brown duck, with the heart of a white swan.

Here Comes the Pride

For me, pride comes in two different ways: one brings conflict, the other one brings warmth to the heart.

My sister's wedding brought about both prides in me. My first pride came out from the moment she announced her plan to get married to the day she decided to give the honor of being maid of honor to her matchmaker instead of her bestfriend or sister. So this pride of mine had indeed created a lot of tension between us, I didn't want to give in, I wanted her to realize my point. I wanted her to have the pride I had. When she changed her initial plan about the wedding entourage and decided to have two maids of honor, one being me, I knew that she just wanted to make me happy. She didn't get my point and I felt even worse about myself. But of course, as I have expected, in the end I would still give in. At least I did give it a shot. What made me give in is the realization that it was not my wedding and it was not my life, if those decisions would make her happy, then I would support her. I guess perhaps I was just making it a big deal because of my own personal issues but it wasn't supposed to be about me, it should be about her. So end of pride one.

After days and almost sleepless nights of very hands-on wedding preparations, the day finally came. Up to the last minute, we were all on up on our toes and down on our knees doing everything to make my sister's wedding a realization of her dreams. I had doubts about everything but when the time came when my sister walked with my parents to the aisle in her wedding dress and all eyes were on her, I felt this other pride in me that made tears well up in my eyes (and to many others as well including her groom). As I have said earlier, this type of pride brings warmth to the heart. I felt proud of my sister, for having gone through all the things she's been through to make her wedding the best for her and her groom, I felt proud that my parents were there to walk her down the aisle, I felt proud that the relationship I have doubted has survived the challenges and critiques and had come to the next level to become another proof of true love.

So now I discovered how it felt to be the sister of the bride. If seeing a person so close to my heart walk down the aisle made that big effect on me, I could imagine how I might feel to be the one walking down that aisle wearing my wedding dress...I think I would definitely need a very good water proof make up. hehehe. =P

Miyan & Chris
Marriott Hotel
Riverside, California
12 Aug 2006

~Photocredits to my cousin Kuya Odel coupled with my cropping expertise. =P

Now I'm humming...

California
Artist: Phantom Planet

We’ve been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for number one
California here we come
Right back where we started from

Hustlers grab your guns
Your shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California here we come
Right back where we started from

California!
Here we come!

On the stereo
Listen as we go
Nothing’s gonna stop me now
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Pedal to the floor
Thinkin’ of the roar
Gotta get us to the show
California here we come
Right back where we started from

California!
Here we come!


***

Lyrics taken from here

Though there was no french kiss

My last day in Paris, I killed the time in my hotel room, waiting for my flight back to Singapore. I felt weird, like I wanted to cry.But why, I actually don't know. Perhaps because I felt sad that I was leaving Paris without falling in love into the place -- yet. But then again, though my Paris experience was no French kiss nor a warm embrace, it was fairly an enriching experience. It did meet its main purpose, that is, for me to meet and bond with my teammates/colleagues. It has broken the aloneness barrier I have been feeling working remotely from my team. I learned new lessons about life and the French culture, and so I am still thankful of the experience.

Life can indeed be full of funny ironies. You may expect the worst but somehow things still has a way of coming to you in a way you didn't imagine. At the same time, you may also expect something good but you get surprised to find things come to you in a betterway. So love can still strike the second time around, just like when you pick a grape and taste it to find out it is not ripe enough, so you wait for the right time to make the perfect wine.

So for the mean time, au revoir, le Paris! but hopefully, a' bientot! ;0)

The Faces of Paris

This is a picture that I just realized so many people would want to have to opportunity to take. For it means they have been to the City of Lights --- Paris, a city that needs no introduction.

I was not an exception. I too was just wondering before how the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe, Seine River, and all the places I have seen in pictures and read in books and magazines would look like in reality. I was curious about this posh, chic and elegant reputation of Paris that makes people dream of one day going here.

So yes, I know I am blessed to be given the opportunity to see the City of Lights.

But then again, I think Paris, just like any other city, has many faces. Your Paris experience will now depend on which face it will show you...

Will it be its stiff and cold face?

Or its glittering persona trying to impress you?

You'd want to hope it will be it's warm lights that will welcome you.

Or its sunny face to cheer you.

For the besides the stiff and cold face, there is also its cloudy, gloomy, dark face.

But whichever face it is, one thing is for sure, Miss Congeniality is not enough, Miss Congeniality should speak in French.

8am at l'hotel Regina de Passy

So this is Paris, I write...

So many stories to tell but...I have to get over this jetlag first.

Meet Bogart

He is our house bear. He sits by a chair in the living room beside the window.

I first met him the first time I came to the flat I live in now. After the previous tenants left Singapore, they gave everything to my then housemate including him. When I moved in to the flat I decided to name him Bogart. When my then housemate moved out, he said he'd be back one day to take Bogart and the rest of his stuff he left in the storage room.

Bogart knows all our guests because I introduce him to all our visitors. So everyone who has visited our flat should know Bogart. He knows everything that's happening in our flat.

There was this one time when the window was left open and it rained so hard during the day. When I came home from work I was so devastated to see Bogart all wet and so was almost half of the living room floor flooded! I felt so sad that it had to happen to Bogart, imagine helplessly getting all soaked and cold...

It's been almost a year now that I have been living with Bogart and he has always been a competent house bear. I have changed housemates but Bogart remained loyally with me. He patiently watch over our flat whenever me and my housemates are not home. He knows me quite well -- he has seen me eat in front of the TV, laugh by myself, write in my blog and cry by myself. I have grown so fond of Bogart that for some time I have been worrying about how I would feel so sad when the time comes when my previous housemate would take him back. But thankfully enough, when I asked my previous housemate recently if I could keep Bogart, he agreed. So Bogart will stay with me for as long as he wants. :)

This weekend though, he would be alone in our flat because this morning my housemates went home to the Philippines and then tomorrow I will go home as well. I hope Bogart would not be so lonely, because I understand how being alone could be so depressing. But then again, Bogart is always smiling, and perhaps it's because he knows that everytime I go away, I am coming back.

I hope this wears off the soonest

There are so many things in my mind right now.

I usually do a lot of thinking sitting down and staring into nothingness and yet for me, is the most tiring thing I do.

It didn't help that I could not connect to the remote machine I use to access our databases. In short, I could not do my work and that left me with more time to continue pondering what to do. What a great timing (sigh).

I could not even look forward to lunch break, because there's nothing to look forward to, as it is another thing to think about -- what and where would I eat this time? It doesn't make a difference because I'd be eating alone anyway. For the past weeks, especially the past few days, I have been losing my appetite for lunch. I don't feel like eating at all.

But yeah, I needed to eat to continue breathing and oh yes, thinking. So I decided to have lunch in Orchard Road, which is a kilometer stretch of road lined up with malls on both sides. It was 10 minutes away from the business district where I work. I chose to go there as I felt it would take my mind off from the things I think about. At least I had some destination and I knew I was going somewhere and I already knew what to order for lunch.

But now that lunch break is over, I am back at my desk again staring into nothingness.

I should not have made those phone calls last night. I should have kept my mouth shut. But why do I have to blame everything on myself?

Now not only have I shut my mouth, I am not smiling anymore.

Miss congeniality is tired of understanding the world.

P.S.
I need that blackhole. Can somebody tell me how to get to the other dimension please?

Tattoed arm

I got a tattoo on my left upper arm from our company party (which was superb and one of the best company parties I have attended) last Saturday. It was of a pattern of flowers.

But before you gasp in surprise at my decision to get a tattoo at such an indiscreet part of my body, I have to save you from wondering how I did it -- so I have to let you know first that it's just henna tattoo, hehehe.

Ok, just henna tattoo.

I don't like needles and I have no plans of getting a permanent tattoo.

The pretty and sweet Indian lady who was doing the henna tattoo said it will last for only two or three days but I knew it wouldn't because my sisters and brother had henna tattoos when we went to the beautiful Boracay beach a few years ago (it was a popular thing in the beach). But I still had my arm done and so were some of my lady colleagues and last Monday we all saw each other's arms and hands and we couldn't help but say to each other how we thought our tattoos would come off within the weekend but found out it didn't so we had to live with it for a few more days.

This is the first time I have had a tattoo and it was quite exciting for me because I have been wondering how it would look like if I had a tattoo, moreso, have it on my arm. It looked fine to me but I know it is something I would not like to have permanently as it is not me. It was weird to see myself dressed up in my girl next door clothes then see my tattooed arm. But the experience was nice, my tattoo is like my expression of my "bad girl" side, I mean my not so sweet side, the liberated and the naughty side of coffee fairy...But just like my tattoo, it would just be temporary and will get erased eventually although you know it was there before but you didn't want to keep it.

Some things are not meant to stay. Sometimes you wish it could actually go away instantly but sometimes, it has to fade away thru time, slowly for healing without scars.

Double tagged!

I am so thankful to Sassy Lady and Prince Romp for double tagging me. I really appreciate it, my friends, that you have showed your concern to the coffeefairy's revival of her blogland. Mwa! Mwa! (^_^)

3 schools you went to

1. Gradeschool (Primary)

2. High School (Secondary)

3. University and Polytechnic

3 things in your purse / backpack
1. My toothbrush and toothpaste

2. A pen

3. My wallet

3 things you do when you're really stressed
1. Read

2. Write in my journal

3. Eat

3 places you go on a daily basis
1. Work

2. MRT

3. Home

3 favourite fruits
1. Mango

2. Strawberry

3. Blueberry (in cheesecakes)

3 names you go by
1. coffee

2. coffeefairy

3. iamcoffee

3 of your favourite food
1. Grilled tilapia fish

2. Chicken joy by Jollibee

3. Kare-kare by my mother

3 things you are wearing right now
1. T-shirt

2. Pajamas

3. My mood

The WHOS'
Who is in the house with you?

Younger sis, a friend-housemate

Who are you thinking about right now?

I wish I know.

Who did you last talk to on the phone?

One of my dearest friends, missy blackwidow

Who did you sit to in your 5th period class?

Can't remember anymore

Who was the last person you told you loved?

My friend.

Who do you wish you were with right now?

My knight in shining armour.

Who gets on your nerves the most at school?

Bullies

The WHERE'S
Where is your phone?

On my dresser

Where do you sleep?

In my bedroom

Where is the last place you took a ride to?

Bukit Panjang LRT

The WHAT'S
What was the last thing you ate?

Yang chow fried rice, dried fried beef kway teow and chicken in XO sauce

What color shirt are you wearing?

Blue

What is the closest item near you that is blue?

Besides my shirt, my mood.

What do you like best about school?

Library

What is your favourite color?

Purple

What do you wear most: jeans or shorts?

Jeans

What is the last movie you watched?

Mission Impossible 3

The WHEN's
When did you start school?

When I was 5 years old

When did you last go to the mall?

Last Sunday, had dinner at a nice resto inside.

When did you last burn something?

I think last month, was frying something and then a drop of boiling oil dropped on my hand (ooooucccccccchh!!!)

Missed Congeniality

Years ago I used to be this uptight person. I was easily disappointed when things don't usually go the way I hope (or expect) them to be, and most of the time it does not really happen the way you want it to, right? I had angsts and so I had my cranky times.

One of the benefits of going through emotional challenges in life is that once you overcome them, then you become emotionally mature.Your patience and understanding gets extended...a lot, depending on how much you are willing to embrace life's scars and accept that it had been a part of your life and you just have to see it in a positive way. It depends how much excess baggage in your heart you are willing to give up.

And so I can say I have matured emotionally the way I have changed my attitude about life. I loosened up and became a bit laid back. I just laugh now at my own embarrassing moments instead of skulking down in shame. I don't get too disappointed anymore when things don't go my way because I know God will give to me what I ask for in the right moment.

I have therefore evolved into this cheerful and friendly little lady. I try to be considerate and understanding on everyone. I try to cheer up and inspire anyone I can in my own simple way. Some may find me naive, but then I don't mind, it is this naivety that does not give up on keeping the world a pleasant place to live in, in putting the art in science, in putting the softness and grace in steel, in keeping alive the child within.

I have been told more than once that I am "too kind". Though I initially thought there's nothing wrong with being too kind, I did have come to realize that yes, there are some disadvantages of being too kind. For one, once you suddenly get fed up and lose your temper for example, people would take it so much against you, like you have no right to snap because you are a "kind" person. Then there is of course the tendency of being taken advantage of and getting bullied around.

However, I am still human. I still get hurt. I am just tired that some people can really be rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate. I am very sad to realize that many people don't exert the effort anymore to say things in a nicer way. Is it that hard to do? Is it hard to think a few more seconds on how to phrase your words and say it with empathy? I am getting tired of being the one to adjust and try to understand. Why can't they adjust instead? It is like draining me of my energy to keep a jolly mood. I feel like snapping.

But I cannot snap. I have to continue being miss congeniality because I would like to keep a light heart. So right now I am trying my best to shrug off whatever is disturbing me and just try to inspire myself with the help of my good friends. I just need to recharge. If only I could get zapped to a place where I could relax and get pampered. If not, I wouldn't mind also if I could get sucked inside a blackhole for a few days...

I believe in the ability of man to change for the better, and given the right approach and opportunity, I believe each person has a bud full of potentials inside them just waiting to bloom. I just wish each person would try to nurture that bud of kindness and let it bloom with understanding and compassion.

Happy Feet

So cute! =)

Turn on your speakers!